Becoming You

Is criticism overshadowing celebration in your parenting approach? Are you always swooping in to save your children from any discomfort?

This episode breaks down why it's so tough for us to focus on the wins and the progress crucial for our children's growth and self-esteem, why we focus on happiness instead of resiliency, and other things we do backwards in parenting.

This episode is a masterclass on what you can start doing today to cultivate more independence, resilience, happiness and self esteem in your children.

[00:03:04] Self-criticism and parenting habits linked to emotional wounds; importance of changing negative mindset.

[00:05:02] Encourage consistent effort, celebrate small wins, and avoid focusing on shortcomings.

[00:09:30] We should celebrate kids' achievements, gain their trust, and keep our promises.

[00:12:22] Parent struggles with bedtime routine and prioritizing self-care, but maintains promise to child with consequences for breaking trust.

[00:17:50] Parenting should be based on building emotional resilience, not just making children happy. It's about helping them handle frustration, disappointment, and anger.

[00:19:53] The focus should be on emotional resilience, not just happiness. Happiness comes from struggles and discomfort. Saving kids from challenges hinders their emotional growth and independence.

[00:24:14] Setting up routines and structures can alleviate the mental load and help children become independent. Montessori method encourages allowing children to make mistakes to foster independence.

[00:27:11] Setting them up to rely on you, feeling resentful of lack of independence, punishing them for mistakes, avoiding reflection and change, going back to old routines instead of adapting and sharing responsibilities. Healing relationship with mistakes.

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What do you do when you have a spouse, partner, or someone you co-parent with that is not on the same page as you are when it comes to parenting your children?

I often get this question from clients who are on board and doing the transformative work of becoming a conscious, peaceful parent. And yet, their spouses haven't gotten the memo and their spouses don't want to follow or be part of the transformative work.

My clients end up in this world of being torn and are left feeling they have to parent their children and parent their spouse as well, It can be really, really hard when it feels like you against the entire world, including your partner or the parent or the co parent.

This week - I want to give you some mindset perspectives and tangible things that you can do to help you co parent more peacefully, so you're not ending up feeling exhausted and drained.

Where do you see these dynamics? What are you going to do this week to build a new foundation with your co-parent?

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Is your parenting effective? Are you having lots of fights, yelling and constantly nagging? Do you feel disrespected?

Today I have a really hard hitting episode for you and you might be uncomfortable confronting some of your parenting strategies and why they are not working, especially if you have been taking in different parenting ideas from books and podcasts.

No matter the age of your kids are or where you are in your parenting journey, how you parent needs to start changing today if you desire to have a peaceful, deeply connected relationship with your child and if you want to stop yelling.

If you're feeling disconnected from your child, and worry that if you keep talking to your them and treating them the way you are you won't have that close relationship where they come to you no matter what - take some time to examine these 5 reasons your strategies are falling short.

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This week, I'm excited to bring you an episode where I was featured as a guest on Misha Akbar's podcast Desi Daze. In this episode, we go really deep into talking about the parts of motherhood hardly anyone talks about.

There's a certain level of expectation that comes with how you believe you're going to feel when the baby finally arrives, and you believe you will be the happiest you're ever going to feel. I truly, truly believed with every ounce of my being that that's how my experience was going to be.

In a sense, there is a grieving period when you become a mom because there is a loss of that old identity and we are grappling with this new identity and a loss of a previous life - with no time to process or time to grieve.

Misha and I share a lot of commonalities in motherhood, and we both experienced postpartum depression. We discussed our struggles with that and the shame that we carried around about whether or not we connected with our babies and, how we seeked help and support. Both our missions are making this a topic that no woman should ever have to hide.

What is one or two things that you are taking away? And was there anything in this episode that you heard that made you feel less alone?

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As our kids get older, a lot of us will inevitably face a situation where they make a mistake - stealing, vandalizing, cheating on a test, or worse! Which will lead you to question yourself as a parent and how you prepared them for the world.

Facing every parent's worst nightmare without completely losing our cool, reacting defensively and launching into a lecture is not easy! It's a challenge to not immediately blame yourself. This situation actually can help to build a deeper emotional connection with your children, but you need to break your old cycle of blame, shame, judge and give out consequences without any time passing.

This episode I lay out your new action plan to diffuse the situation, and actually connect with your child in this worse case scenario.

Did your child ever do something that shocked you? How did you react? I would love to hear from you on what that situation was and how you dealt with it.

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When your child says that they don't want to go to school and they're making your life difficult, they're not giving you a hard time. They are having a hard time and they need you.

Whether your child has always had a difficult time with school or is suddenly experiencing anxiety about going, exploring the deeper reasons behind the resistance is the first step to and finding beneficial solutions for everyone involved.

This is such a challenge in the moment to validate their feelings when you are heading out the door and they put on the brakes!

No matter what it is, whatever your child is going through, it's valid. Just because you might not see it as a big problem does not mean that it's not a big problem for your child.

As hard as it is, we have to believe them and take them at their word instead of negating their experience.

Once you connect with your child and hear them, I have some real strategies on what you can do to help your child navigate their reluctance. I hope this helps you put together a plan on how you're going to tackle it with your own child based on their personality and the context of your life.

My upcoming workshop is September 17th at 12pm EST - it's going to be designed to help you become the parent that you desire to be without all the conflict and the second guessing that you feel. Sign up here. -

https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/groundedparentworkshopseptember23

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I talk about our children's feelings, and how we work through connecting with them when they are in moments of stress and disregulation, but how do we learn to emotionally regulate ourselves? How do we stay calm when we are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, irritated or sad, with our own troubles or with our children's conflicts and problems?

The steps to regulation seem simple, but they aren't always easy when we are in a place of disregulation. Our timelines to work through our feelings all look different and that's absolutely okay, and is part of our process to truly connect with and process our emotions.

This episode gives you actionable steps you can do right at the time of triggering feelings, but also looks ahead to how you can care for yourself to be in a better state of emotional regulation as a baseline. The more we nourish ourselves, the safer it becomes for emotional regulation. Your child needs you to regulate yourself so that they can then find their center and calmness.

My upcoming workshop is September 17th at 2pm EST - it's going to be designed to help you become the parent that you desire to be without all the conflict and the second guessing that you feel. Mark the time on your calendar and the link will be coming your way soon!

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This week I am bringing to you an episode where I was interviewed by another amazing podcast host, John Wang on his show - Big Asian Energy. He is an educator, speaker, a certified coach who specializes in working with Asian Americans on inner work, mindset and their communication skills.

We unpacked how Asian culture makes us believe that our worth is solely tied to our achievements and productivity and seeking approval from our family and superiors. We start to believe that our value is measured through external validation and what others think of us.

Then this belief system leads to self doubt and a disconnection from our true selves. We did a dive deep into inner child work, the emotional wounds that we incur as children and how breathwork can really free us of this experience and the narratives we tell ourselves that we can step into our truest, biggest versions of ourselves.

So listen to this week's powerful episode and enjoy.

Find John here -

https://www.instagram.com/johnwangofficial/

https://www.bigasianenergy.co/

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A lot of us make the mistake that happiness is when there are no problems in life. I know I certainly used to fall into that bucket, and I believed I would be happy when all my problems disparaged and I had everything I desired.

But re-framing happiness to be more than just a destination, we see that happiness visits us quite often in life.

If you want to be happy, it's about focusing on building many, many, many moments of joy and cultivating a positive mindset - not just positive thoughts. but an overall positive mindset where you feel like life is working out for you - you believe that the challenges that you face in life are there to serve you.

If we believe that the challenges and the setbacks we have in life are out to get us, then we are forever going to be struggling in life.

I believe I definitely am building my children up to be overall happier in life. My parenting has changed, and I have changed, and cultivating happiness is a tremendous part of this process. You can integrate one or two of these ideas and it's going to help not only you, but your kids as well, and create an overall incredible environment for them to be happy.

Don't do all 10 all at once - but let me know which one you picked to focus on.

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How do I become a more conscious, present and patient parent?

I often get asked these questions on my consult calls - These are fully booked for the rest of the month but I do have space in September.

Parents always want to know, how do I become more patient? How do I be more present with my children?

This podcast is one from the archives - I recorded it the first year I had started the show.|

Being a conscious parent has always been an important focus for my clients and for myself, and over two years later, our children may be a little older, but this advice still rings true.

Our relationship with our children, starts with our relationship with ourselves, and this episode is a fantastic reminder.

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