Becoming You

I'm excited to bring to you an episode based on a video that's gone viral on my TikTok account - I asked, what is the number one skill that parents need to teach their kids in life to thrive in life?

When I made this video, I had no idea that it was going to be so popular, and it feels important to dive deeper into the topic to bring you more value, nuance, and context because it resonated so deeply with people.

So what is the number one skill? it's not confidence, it's not willpower, it's not perseverance, it's not, not even kindness.

Maybe you can disagree with me on that one, but I truly believe that the number one skill that we need to teach not only our kids, but ourselves is emotional resilience.

And you might be wondering, what is emotional resilience? It's the capacity and the ability to feel all our emotions, and then process them in a healthy way, and release them in a healthy way.

I believe that so many of the world's problems all start with the individual because we don't have the capacity or the ability to handle our emotions.

But how do we teach our kids if we don't know how to do this for ourselves?

This is absolutely possible for you and your family! Tune in to find out how.

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Join me this week with Bari Tessler, a Financial Therapist, author of book, The Art of Money, a Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness.

I have been following her for some time now and I love her work because she blends financial literacy with emotional literacy and body-centered work. She's a pioneer in the field of financial literacy and has also is the founder of The Art of Money, a year-long money school for lay folks and a 4-month Mentor program for therapists, coaches, and financial professionals.

Many of us pay too much attention to the numbers and our bookkeeping instead of what's truly, deeply important to us and who we are. Her unique process of using somatic tools to connect to our money story equips us to be able to do a body check-in and calm ourselves down when we face challenges like learning a new bookkeeping system or facing our accounts

90% of our money decisions are based on our emotions, and we have all had some kind of financial literacy education but most of us don't learn about money psychology or the emotions of money. Merging financial literacy and emotional literacy are essential, we all have missing pieces in our financial education, and for many, emotional literacy is the missing piece.

Follow Bari on social media via Instagramand Facebook.

Get her free 7-day introduction to our Art of Money methodology, go here.

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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Trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you but we all of us think of trauma as the thing that happened to us, the external event.

Dr. Gabor Maté, a leading trauma specialist, recently sat down with Prince Harry to discuss trauma, but in a way that we don't always think about, and this episode is all about that. I attended a live virtual event of their discussion - and I wanted a replay but I had so many takeaways.

When we think of trauma, we think of "big T" trauma - things so devastating to our lives that it changes the course of our life. But the Little T Trauma is what everyone has, and it isn't what happened to you, it's what happened to you as a result of what happened to you.

A lot of my clients come to me aware and struggling that they're not the type of parents they want to be with their children. They don't mean to yell, they don't mean to be impatient with them. They don't mean to pressure them. but because of the little t trauma, children, maybe we felt that we had to work hard in a certain way to prove ourselves to our parents, and we have unconscious expectations of our own children.

Prince Harry shares examples of his own experiences with his unprocessed trauma and how it affected him and how he worked through holding onto his pain and trauma.

This interview and this episode are potent reminders that we all need to release our trauma on a daily basis, Things happen to us every day, but without healing the deeper long-term trauma, it's, it's much harder to release the short-term stuff that's happening.

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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Your breath has the ability to change and transform you, not only in the present moment but also in your entire life.

Many people are familiar with calming breaths designed to help bring you from a very nervous state to a very relaxed state. That's one aspect of breathwork, but the other end of the spectrum is very specific breathwork, so you can tap into a deeper conscious meditative state. This is not calm breathing. This is putting your body under specific duress with a very specific intention.

It's not to simply stress you out, but it's to help you get deep into your body so you can tap into areas that you could never tap into on a conscious level, and there are very specific breath work patterns that help you tap into the sympathetic nervous system, as well as the parasympathetic nervous system.

In this episode, I share five specific areas of my life made exponentially better through breathwork. Let me know which one surprised you!

Your breath is the medicine your body and your mind needs.

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Sign up for the 21 day Becoming Confident Challenge: https://soul.visalakshi.com/Jointhechallenge

Have you set an ambitious goal and then you fell short? How do you work through those frantic feelings of scarcity and lack mentality? Did you tell yourself stories that you wouldn't be able to achieve your goals? That you were a failure?

I set the goal of 200 people joining the upcoming Becoming Confident Challenge - And after 1 week I only had 15 sign-ups!

Rather than giving in to the negative thinking, I told myself - this is going to happen. I decided to share the entire journey on social media of how I kept realigning my energy and reframing my mindset so that no matter if I succeeded, I took everyone along on the journey. Now at the beginning of the week, I have 130 enrolled!

If you're listening to this and thinking "I meant to register and I missed out" it's not too late. Registration is open until the 22nd and you can catch up on the light homework from the first few days. Click here to register.

I really want you to get honest with yourself and think about the last time it looked like a goal might not happen. Did you pull back your energy? Did you decide that it wasn't going to happen?

There's no shame in it. But I do want you to take responsibility and recognize that that's a thing that you do and we all do it. This is part of the reason why so many people fail to hit their goals. They allow the current reality to dictate their emotions and feelings and the next steps.

The people who decide that their goal is theirs and go for it no matter what are the people that manage to reach audacious goals. The truth is they have so many failures along the way, and this is how they do it.

They give it their all.

Tune in to this absolutely value-packed episode, and learn more about how to lead yourself when it looks like a goal might not happen.

Don't forget to register for the 21 Day Becoming Confident Challenge!

We are going to blow the roof off your self-confidence and I have an incredible value-added bonus this round to compound your results even more. Click here to register!

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Sign up for the 21 day Becoming Confident Challenge: https://soul.visalakshi.com/Jointhechallenge

This week, I was a guest on a podcast and was interviewed by Nuha Omer, who is an incredible, high-achieving high school student. She just recently launched a podcast all about hidden biases in the South Asian community. The conversation was so powerful, I asked to share the interview here on my podcast.

She asked some really incredible, powerful questions about mental health issues in the South Asian community, and we had so many takeaways from the conversation about what prevents us from getting mental health help within our communities.

Why are so many of us so hesitant? What prevents us? Why is there a stigma around getting support? We are afraid to have the scary conversations, the very vulnerable, honest conversations, and that is precisely what Nuha knew to dig into in this episode.

If you love this, let me know what you think.

Don't forget to register for the 21 Day Becoming Confident Challenge!

We are going to blow the roof off your self-confidence and I have an incredible value-added bonus this round to compound your results even more. Click here to register!

Listen to Nuha's Podcast here - https://open.spotify.com/show/3YiXdBFDEqGUpOVSG9h7rc

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I am so excited to share some of the lessons I have learned from recording 100 episodes!

If you are wanting to start something that excites you and keeps calling to you, this is the perfect show.

I read all these stats about how after a few episodes, most people stop showing up for their podcast. I made a commitment to myself that I would keep going no matter what, and that I would give it a good run. And that meant at least a year of recording podcast episodes. And I'm really proud that I've stuck to it for more than two years now!

I share in this episode more about how accepting myself, trusting my process and knowing my way of doing things will work, realizing that I'm human, and that consistency doesn't always look like the exact same thing every week have all helped me continue to grow and healed so much of my own self-doubt.

Listen in on how you can set yourself up to succeed at the thing that lights you up, a podcast, or maybe even a garden! (as I get ready to step into my inner Martha with a gardening challenge)

I have my own challenge starting soon:

Sign up to get on the waitlist for the 21 day Becoming Confident Challenge: https://soul.visalakshi.com/JointheWaitlist

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This short and powerful episode is inspired by a question from Facebook - and my perspective on this topic has actually changed and as a result, a lot of my coaching has changed as well. You forgive for yourself, but my perspective on do we need to forgive has changed. And a side note, it is totally okay to change your mind!

The person was trying to move past being hurt and asked "How do I forgive someone?" The bigger question is -

"Do I need to forgive them?" In the past, I would've said yes. Forgiveness is amazing for you. Don't do forgiveness for the other person. You don't forgive the person to let them off the hook.

My answer now is no, forgiveness is a choice and you don't have to be powerless in saying, I can't move on unless I choose to forgive somebody, and that really empowers you.

Time does not heal all wounds. You might release it from your memory, but the emotions are actually embedded in your body.

There are four steps to work through to move on and I break them down and share the process in this episode, allowing you to move through what happened, let go, and now process that event in an empowering way.

Book a call with me to reclaim your confidence.

This call is perfect for you if you:

• are ready to get some answers on why you have been feeling stuck
• are frustrated that your efforts aren't giving you the results you desire
• are wanting to feel more self confident and less stressed

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We want to have extremely safe and trusting relationships with our children, but maybe we feel like we don't have time to be present in order to be able to create that relationship.

If you're trying to juggle all of these balls, running a household, work, everything, and you feel terrible that one of the balls that seems to get dropped is the time with your kids - this episode is for you.

Instead of telling yourself you don't have time - focus instead on making the minutes you have really count, by being intentional with the connection you make in that time.

You need actual time to spend with your children, but I don't think you need as much as you think to build a close and intimate relationship with your kids.

With this reframe, this episode has five ways to connect with your kids that you can start to implement today.

Tune in and let me know which one you are going to try!

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How do you stop a negative thought from spiraling out of control?

You might feel it start and before you know it, you're going down a rabbit hole that you can't seem to dig yourself out of - feeling worse and worse and worse.

A client asked me this question on voxer this week and I have three different levels of how to break your negative thoughts, each depending on what stage of your personal development journey you're at, starting with beginner, intermediate, and then advanced.

You can use any one of them! And they build on each other. For beginners, the most common answer is to replace the negative thought with a more positive thought. This is where I started and there is no shame in this.

This is a surface-level tool. We're not truly addressing what's happening beneath the thought, which is why replacing a negative thought with a positive thought or a positive affirmation just doesn't quite hit the spot, but we all start somewhere.

It's a big shift and requires a lot of energy to shift from feeling really really bad to now thinking a thought that will hopefully make you feel really really good, so I would use a stair-stepping effort by thinking slightly more positive thoughts rather than moving from one extreme to another, which also leads to the intermediate step.

Tune into the episode and hear how the next two strategies work and how to implement them to stop a negative spiral.

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