Becoming You

I am so excited to be bringing you a guest this week. I do a lot of solo episodes and I handpick every single one of my guests, so I'm super excited to welcome Jordan. Stolch today, she is a virtual personal stylist that I stumbled upon TikTok.

Jordan Stolch is a Celebrity Stylist turned Personal Stylist, on a mission to transform the way women show up in their lives. She is the founder of MiKADO, a full-service personal styling firm that focuses on eliminating the confusion and insecurities associated with determining how to dress. She’s spent the last decade teaching women how to leverage a confident, put-together image, in order to open up abundant opportunities in both their personal and professional lives.

You may or may not know, I used to work in retail and I have a thing for fashion, and something about Jordan just immediately attracted me to her, so I hit the follow button.

She provides a ton of value on TikTok in terms of talking about style, and she also offers very informational free master classes, please be sure to check out her social media to join in on the next one.

Our conversation goes deeper than fashion, and we discuss the mindset blocks that stop women from truly exploring and discovering their signature style. One piece of advice she shares is something no other stylist says

Jordan has a unique process - she helps people feel good about themselves and find the clothes to match. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.

Connect with Jordan.

https://www.instagram.com/mikadopersonalstyling/

https://www.tiktok.com/@jordanstolch

Her Facebook Group - Unleashed: A Personal Style Community for Women Who Want More | Facebook

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I left you on a cliffhanger last week, with the first half of the workshop. If you missed it, you can tune in to episode 114 but just to recap what was discussed:

Step 1 - Learn to say more yeses to your kids.

Kids don't listen to boundaries or respect boundaries or are very defiant of the rules and boundaries that we set. We end up repeating ourselves multiple times - because they feel really limited and have very little control over their life.

One of the very few ways that they exert control is by not listening to us or ignoring us or refusing our wishes.

One of the ways that we circumvent this is not by coming down harder on them, but by learning to say more yeses throughout the day so that the important boundaries and rules do stick and they feel more empowered.

We want to create lots of opportunities for them to feel empowered during the day. So if you want to learn more about that, go back and listen to episode 114.

And then I left you wondering how to create more connection with your kids, because connection is not created through spending more time, but it's by being more present.

This workshop was created in celebration of my brand new program, the Grounded Parent, and if you're listening to this before June 2nd, you still have time to join us, and I look forward to serving you.

https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/thegroundedparent

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This podcast is the first half of the live workshop - Connecting Parents through Clear Boundaries.

The best way to influence change is by changing ourselves in every scenario, in every relationship, including the relationship with our children. To truly support my kids with their struggles, I needed to change within me.

Our children's actions are always driven by a deeper need. Our job is to find the deeper need and help address it. I share a story about my son and his struggles and how I flipped the switch from being overwhelmed, confused, and even frightened and ashamed about his behavior to fully witnessing and supporting him, and the transformation that happened through that connection.

If you take what I share with you in the workshop and implement it, you are going to see your stress levels going down with your kids sticking to the rules you set for them. There was too much here not to share! Tune in next week for the second half, or reach out to me for the full replay if you can't wait!

Find out more about my new program - The Grounded Parent, which I am so beyond excited about!

Check out the details HERE

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I've been in conversations with parents as registrations come in for Connecting Parents Through Clear Boundaries, my free parenting workshop this weekend on May 13th - (Register here!), and my upcoming program, The Grounded Parent.

In every conversation, we continue to uncover yet more parenting myths that we all succumb to and torture ourselves with.

We live in an age where conscious parenting, gentle parenting, positive parenting, and connected parenting are becoming more talked about in the mainstream, People are saying traditional parenting or tough parenting isn't working anymore.

We live in a lot of fear - fear we are too harsh, fear we aren't harsh enough. It is impossible to be the perfect parent 24/7 - It's an unrealistic expectation, and you are setting yourself up to fail.

In this episode we dig into how being the parent that course corrects and takes responsibility for your imperfections is the key to being the parent you have always wanted to be, and how you can start today by validating your child's feelings and giving yourself grace.

Register for my free workshop on May 13th - Connecting Parents Through Clear Boundaries - https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/boundariesworkshop

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In this episode I waste no time getting right into 5 of the most common parenting myths I hear from my clients - and what you can do to shift your thinking to truly connect with your kids, embrace the conflict, and focus on the quality of our connection with our kids.

Many people believe parenting is about changing their child- but if you have ever tried to change another person, you know it's an uphill battle! Parenting feels exhausting and draining if you try to get your kid to change.

There is just so much out of our control as parents - especially as our kids start to get older, pull away from us, exert their independence, and push their boundaries. Our relationship changes as they grow, when they are young they depend on us so much, but it's impossible to expect our kids to be happy all the time -no human is happy all the time and we wouldn't expect that of ourselves.

By focusing on our own healing, the more present we can be - The easier parenting becomes and the more connected you will feel to your children. That's how this all works!

I would love to know - which myth you believed in your parenting?

This is being covered in my brand new program, the Grounded Parent, which I am so beyond excited about.

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Earlier this year, I had some scary news about my Lupus impacting my liver, and I have been following a raw vegan diet for the last 6 weeks to support my health. This has been one of the hardest things I have done in my life. We had a busy month with family members visiting, events, traveling, and making the diet work has been challenging. Some weeks have felt more challenging than others!

I wanted to share with you some lessons on what I have learned as to why we struggle when we have made a commitment to something and we know it's the best thing for us, and yet we tend to self-sabotage or we have a really hard time fully committing to it even though we know it's ultimately the best for us. How do we achieve those big goals? What happens when the sparkle of starting wears off? What is the difference between being 99% committed and 100% committed?

I have done some hard things in my life and I keep doing hard things because when we do hard things, it makes us better - it's good to do hard things and maximize our potential.

Check out my other episodes about Lupus and the raw diet protocol

https://pod.co/becoming-you/life-lessons-from-my-autoimmune-disease

https://pod.co/becoming-you/behind-the-scenes-how-i-m-changing-my-diet-for-my-autoimmune-disease

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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My clients want to have great relationships with their children, where their kids feel open to being vulnerable and speaking their minds. They want to truly connect with each other.

It's been almost a year since I interviewed my oldest son, Arya on the podcast and a lot has changed for him! This week we talk about big changes and challenges he's overcome in school, as well as achieving his long-term goal of saving to buy all the parts to build his own computer. 

He has some tremendous wisdom about embracing the journey of achieving a big goal, and even though I know he is wise beyond his years, he still surprised me with his perspective! 

He has some excellent advice about staying focused when others around you are distracted or disruptive. 

We talked about things that have been a pleasant surprise in school, improvements in our parent-child relationships, and some places he feels could use some work. Sometimes it's tough to hear as a parent, but I am so grateful for our connected relationship and that we can have these conversations, I'm always growing as a parent!

To become the parent you have always wanted to be - my upcoming program The Grounded Parent is starting soon and will support you to become that parent.

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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Has your parenting been focusing on trying to change your child? Gentle parenting techniques? That's all well and good but the hardest thing in the world is to try to change somebody else! Trying to change a child's behaviour is one of the hardest, most frustrating things that you can venture, and it leaves both of you feeling exhausted. Imagine if your spouse worked on changing you every day!

My new program, The Grounded Parent, was created as a result of me helping myself feel more connected to my children and working with many, many, many clients over the last six years on themselves and seeing how much closer they feel to their own children at the end of our work together.

This episode walks you through the 3 phases of becoming a grounded parent - focusing on you. The more I work on myself and get clear on who I am, what my values are, and especially how I find my own answers, rather than getting answers from others, I am able to help my children in the same way.

One of the main problems that all my clients come to me with is wishing they could be more present and patient. They feel terrible when they lose their temper with their children when they don't mean to, but the stress of work and the stress of life tends to get to them or they find themselves trying to shape their kids into someone they think they should be.

This program is different because I don't focus on changing your child. I help focus on changing yourself. Instead of focus on changing your child to bridge the gap between the two of you, you focus on what needs to change within yourself so that you can feel closer to your child and create space and connection with them.

To become the parent you have always wanted to be, sign up for the 5 Days of Breathwork to Help You Go From Conflicted to Connected Parent

It has 5 short breath works to help you become a calm, grounded, and compassionate parent.

Through this email video series, learn to feel grounded, safe and calm in your body, so you stop reacting and begin responding to your child

https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/theturningpoint

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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I was never proud of the way I parented but I never really questioned it. A lot of us don't ever question why we do the things we do, it's automatic. It was how I had been parented. I had to decide what being a better parent meant to me.

The more I connect with myself through breathwork, the clearer I become on who I am and what is important to me. I believe breathwork is a must-have for every single parent, and we are not here to mold our children into who we think they ought to be.

We are here to allow our children to become who they came here to be, and it's our job to guide them. Allowing breathwork to heal my triggers and my fears allows me to be a guide for them instead of a disciplinarian. When we are disciplinarians, we believe we have all the answers.

When you are your more embodied self, you have the space and the ability and the capacity to help them become their best self and allow space for them to figure it out on their own.

To become the parent you have always wanted to be, sign up for the 5 Days of Breathwork to Help You Go From Conflicted to Connected Parent

It has 5 short breath works to help you become a calm, grounded, and compassionate parent.

Through this email video series, learn to feel grounded, safe and calm in your body, so you stop reacting and begin responding to your child

https://visalakshi.kartra.com/page/theturningpoint

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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"When you have a desire and you decide that you're going to make it into a reality, however small or big, the first step that needs to happen is that you need to make a decision. You have to decide that you are doing it and leave no room for doubt."

I was diagnosed with Lupus 18 years ago and despite having a chronic illness, I've been living very successfully. I have had dark times with my diagnosis, both mentally and physically, and have followed a diet protocol in the past. Recently I had a wake-up call about my kidney health - I needed to start turning things around and research shows amazing results with what some might call an extreme diet.

I'm only on week two into the six-week protocol, and then I'm expected to maintain the diet after with some changes to make it sustainable.

I'm applying all my tools and techniques and my mindset work to these weeks and I wanted to bring you behind the scenes of what it takes.

Healing Lupus is such a far-off goal, and I was feeling that the process was going to be very tough, and it is! But I am finding so much joy, delight, and creativity I want to share with you in this episode.

Let me know your biggest take away from this episode - send me a message!

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