Becoming You

This week I am excited to share the things I am putting in place for 2023. I am not a big fan of New Year's resolutions, but this year I'm picking areas of my life that I really want to focus on and setting an overarching intention.

I really let my workouts disappear. I've been focused on eating, but I have stopped moving my body and I'm starting to notice the effects of it.

When I did the Everest Challenge, I really did push myself and I was training but once the challenge was done, it's like I literally fell off a cliff in terms of my physical health and I haven't really done anything. My husband and I signed up with a training company and even so far it has been a shift and the first week has been intense!

And right now it does feel like this physical workout plan has taken up all my mental capacity, and that's okay. It's really uncomfortable and I'm not enjoying certain aspects of it. But that's what it means to be committed and bring change into your life.

Bringing transformation into your life especially requires intense growth. And you cannot have intense growth without intense discomfort. Comfort and growth cannot exist like symbiotically, right?

As well, I'm focused on relationships, especially my marriage. Nothing's wrong with our marriage, but I feel like we are in that phase of our life where our kids are almost teen and they require a lot of our time and attention. My husband and I are a very strong team and we are a very strong couple, but I've also noticed that we are not being intentional about connecting with each other. We've decided to set up an ongoing weekly date and have very intentional questions that I want us to ask each other.

I've also decided that I want to start sending random texts to people and building intentional connections with the most important people in my life. I need to put a number around this because it's too vague in general right now, but I want the important people in my life to know that I'm thinking about them.

And in my business, I realized that I have been having a self-sabotaging pattern, thanks to my coach and a really difficult conversation where we came back to how important it is to stick to things and that I know what works. It delivers the results that clients need and want. So I'm just going to keep doing more of it.

There are times in our careers when we all lack self-belief. I was used to avoiding and distracting by doing something new and following the next shiny new thing in my business instead of doubling down and going deeper.

And this is why it is so valuable to invest in an expert to help you in any area of your life that's really important to you. For me, that expert is essential to hold me to my commitment when I want to quit, in both personal development and business.

it's very normal to want to quit. Everybody wants to quit at some point when things get really, really, really challenging. Right? , and that's normal. Like you're not a failure. You are not weak for wanting to quit, but how you overcome that is what determines your success or your lack of success.|

What are your intentions this year?

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This week I am bringing to you one of my most listened-to podcast episodes of the year, the dos and don'ts of manifesting. Now, as many of you know, I am a big law of attraction geek and I really use the law of attraction to my advantage in this life.

With every start of the new year, we are all human and we want to start with a clean slate. Or if you had a fantastic 2022, we want to take it up a notch and accomplish even more things. What better way than using the law of attraction and manifesting to your advantage - so you are creating more of what you want in this life and less of the things that you don't want.

Most of us focus on the problems in our lives and the things that are not going our way. The law of attraction simply states that whatever you focus on tends to grow, and whatever you tend to pour your energy into, you tend to get more off.

Now, I don't want you to panic! So listen to this episode - you're going to get a lot of really useful tips on how I have really honed the power of manifesting in recent years.

This does take practice - no one gets really, really good right at the beginning. If you have given up on the idea of attracting and manifesting. - this episode is perfect for you, and if this is the first time you're hearing about it, this is is perfect for you.

I wish you a wonderful 2023!

DO make sure that what you’re asking the Universe for is something that you truly, truly desire.

DO ask.

DO fully expect to receive the thing you ask for.

DO detach from the outcome.

DO let the Universe do its job, no matter how big the ask.

DO feel as if you have it already.

DON’T be vague.

DON’T flip-flop.

DON’T constantly question the Universe.

DON’T let a failed manifestation make you believe that you’re not good at manifesting.

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I have been swept up like the rest of the country by the Harry and Megan documentary on Netflix. It's six hours of them telling their story. I initially was not going to watch it, and then I was scrolling all through social media on TikTok and Instagram and people just had so many opinions and I thought it might be fun to add my own opinion to the mix. These are two people who have their own side of the story, and all we do is interpret that story through our own lived experience.

People have really, strong opinions on what they have done, it's very divided! There are people that hate them for it. There are people who love them for it. I have so much sympathy and empathy for this couple who are fighting for love. (I'm Team Megan and Harry)

I had so many takeaways from watching the documentary through my life coach lens - In this episode, we discuss depression, how to ask for help, and not shaming ourselves because we might look at ourselves and think that we are weak and vulnerable. Gaslighting, the patriarchy. How you need to be the black sheep of the family if you are like breaking generational trauma cycles.

This is a perfect demonstration that it is impossible to please everyone around you. A reminder for us is that all you can do is live your life by what is true to you. If you live your life to impress others and please others, you will literally have your soul sucked dry because that's what Megan tried to do with no success at all.

The royal family ignores controversy, they pick safe charities, and they do not talk about their problems. When controversy happens they don't explain themselves and hope it'll just go away. The bullying by the media was so bad that it was affecting her well-being, and no matter what she did, she couldn't win. And so the royal family did not protect her the same way that the royal family did not protect Diana.

Their move to the USA was to break the generational trauma and have the courage. Harry had to say - "no more of this, I will not let my wife be fed to the wolves the same way that my mother was." Their move was to create a way to live in their truth and their journey from fairytale to nightmare to finally find their happy ending.

What a story to inspire others to start living your truth. Start living to please yourself, because if you live life to please. If you forget who the heck you are and what you stand for, what your values are, you make your own self disappear by living a life for others and not your true self.

The way you get back to your life force energy is to be exactly who you are, and sometimes that journey can be difficult. Oftentimes I ask my clients, well, what do you want? And they don't know. It's not that they'll never know, it's just they haven't spent enough time asking themselves that question of what lights them up from the inside, what excites them, what brings them joy.

They've been so busy making sure that everyone on in their circle is really pleased with them, that they're not upsetting anyone. That's been their sole focus, and they've forgotten that their sole focus needs to be taking care of themselves.

I hope you enjoyed today's a little more unusual podcast. Did you watch the documentary? What was your takeaway? I would love to hear from you! Message me on instagram or send me an email to let me know.

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I did mindset work for a long time, and it worked for a short while and helped me get started on my transformation journey, but very quickly I realized it would only take me so far. I shared some thoughts about this on instagram and people definitely felt uncomfortable with my position on mindest work!

Mindset work addresses your conscious thoughts and beliefs. Most of us don't even question the beliefs and thoughts we have, and these thoughts are only the ones you have been able to excavate and bring to the surface, until now you've just thought the things you've always thought and assumed it was real. Money is hard to make, I am fat, I am ugly. I don't have confidence. Things like that don't happen to people like me. I'm not special enough. I'm not clever enough. These are all thoughts and beliefs.

Challenging these painful beliefs happens when the pain that comes from staying the same becomes bigger than the pain that comes from changing. Both things are painful. Changing is painful, but the scales start to tip and change is the less painful choice.

Mindset work only addresses conscious thoughts and beliefs, and we have about 90,000 thoughts a day, and we are conscious of maybe about 5%. We go through 3 stages to come to terms with these thoughts. At first, we have no idea of all the thoughts and beliefs we have. We go about everyday life and it feels like everything is happening to us. Then we start to realize there are some thoughts and beliefs that are not serving us, but we have no idea how to change them. Lastly, we desire to work on what we believe because that is now creating our reality. But if we just did mindset work alone, its only addressing that small percentage of the thoughts that actually bubble up to our awareness.

Your mind does not like change and will look for reasons to quit. Even if the status quo is deeply, deeply uncomfortable, it's a status quo that it's used to. It's found coping mechanisms to live with what's happening in your life. There's a part of your mind that's saying, I want success. I want visibility. I want confidence. I want to be more connected to the people around me. And then there's also a part of your mind that says, well, you can't have any of that. Who do you think you are?

With mindset work, you are trying to change your beliefs and thoughts through sheer willpower. When you do mindset work to overcome the belief that money is hard to make, you can decide to make the conscious change to start believing money is easy to make instead, it's the flip side of your current belief, and it is the goal you actually want to achieve. But your nervous system actually feels calmer when you say the belief that money is hard to make compared to when you say money is really easy to make. There is some discomfort in that statement. There's some misalignment. Your nervous system probably feels a little bit activated at the thought.

Your body and the nervous system are where 95% of your programming reside. Your body is your subconscious mind and it controls your actions. True transformation is when you integrate change within the mind and the body. The body has to accept the change that you're trying to make. The body has to decide, I am worthy of receiving this version of myself. I am worthy of revealing this version of me. And tapping into this wholeness that we have inside all of us. This complete version of us.

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"Anger doesn't make us terrible people. Anger just means we react in ways where we are not proud of ourselves."

This week's guest is my youngest son, Ashwin. He is incredibly considerate, thoughtful and so expressive. I love how he knows what he wants, sticks to it, and has his own opinion. Nobody is changing his mind!

He surprised me with a few of his answers today. We were able to discuss anger with honesty and self-forgiveness and reflect on how far he's come to work through angry feelings and understand them better.

It's hard sometimes to manage our emotions, and we were able to recognize that the amount of time he has stayed angry has decreased, and I am very, very proud of him for working through his anger and being where we are today.

We talked about some of our favorite things about each other, this is such a fun exercise to connect and share our love.

I asked a big question - What did he think I needed to work on more? He felt like I said no a lot! I will definitely work on saying yes more often.

He shared his ambitious goal and I have my own fear of what could happen, but I want him to express himself. Instead of saying a straight yes, we agreed that he could work towards this by accomplishing a reading goal for 2 weeks in a row. I will have to update you in a few weeks to recount his progress!

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When a potential client is scared to take that next step and invest in themselves, it has nothing to do with me or the program or the structure or the logistics of the program itself. There are very real fears inside that stop them from saying yes.

The more I confront the fear, the more I help my audience understand like what's getting in the way of maximizing their potentia and happiness. The more awareness and the more conversations we have around this, the less mystery there is, the less of a black box we create around it, and there is less fear.

To invest in yourself means that you're investing in your own potential. We are familiar with the traditional forms of investing in ourselves, like getting education or furthering our careers. We are applauded and encouraged to invest in ourselves in that way. But rather than these external investments with very tangible achievements like a degree, I'm focusing on the investment in inner work and investment in your own potential, your happiness, your confidence, and your inner power.

We are told time and time and time again that if we invest in the external, the internal will take care of, but it's actually the other way around.

It's when you take care of the internal, that the external takes care of itself.

Ultimately we are trying to answer an internal question by chasing after external things. And a lot of us, even when we get the external thing, it still doesn't fulfill the internal answer that we have.

These points are specific to that internal work, your emotional, mental and spiritual well being. It's doing the work of examining your old beliefs that are not currently helping you reach your potential. and breaking them down and reforming them into new beliefs that do help you reach your absolute maximum potential in this lifetime.

1. Most women hesitate to invest in themselves because they believe they're not perfect enough and they believe that they need to be perfect so that they can get the perfect results.
2. You are not sure that you will get the return on investment from investing in yourself
3. You believe it works for others, but you don't believe it'll work for you.
4. there is a part of you that believes you need to achieve whatever it is that you're working towards, your happiness, your success, fulfillment, finding your purpose, whatever it might be.
5. You want happiness and success to drop down into your lap, but you don't want to get uncomfortable getting there.
6. You are waiting for the perfect time.
7. You believe that it's selfish to put all this money towards yourself.

The problem that needs to be solved is what's going on internally; those internal struggles and unhelpful stories cause external problems.

This is actually really good news! We don't need to solve each individual problem by itself. When we heal the relationships that we have within ourselves, we gain the clarity to take action and the results start showing up much faster.

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When I went viral, I was not prepared for the negative comments that rolled in!

We look at the criticism that people give us with a grain of salt rather than ignore it. I don't say to ignore people's opinions of you, but what can you learn from this? Is any part of this true? And what is like none of your business that I need to let go of?

This summer I had some tik-tok videos get very high views, and my account grew in followers from 300 to 16,000 within a week. The first popular video was not very polarizing, it was about how you differentiate between your soul speaking to you versus your mind speaking to you, and apparently, that resonated with the people and it went crazy viral.

As things happen right in life, something explodes in a good way and there's a rubber band effect. From then on, my videos only had a few hundred views. But I've learned with social media consistency is the most important thing. So I continued to show up on TikTok.

Some days I fall off, but for the most part, I post five to six times a week, and then back-to-back, two went viral. I didn't think there was anything wrong with one of those videos when I made it.

Some people thought I was racist, some people thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. Those were hard things to hear.

I was sharing a very small sliver of my story. Social media is all about sharing your stories of what made you, you, how did you end up where you are, and why do you do the thing that you do? If you want success, any sort of success, that comes with more visibility.|

So I worked through that discomfort and in my breath work session, what came up was, I am worthy of success no matter how many mistakes I make, that it is safe to make mistakes, It is safe to be seen.

Maybe you aren't putting yourself out there on social media, but you are someone who's never spoken up, who's always avoided conflict and you've realized you have a voice and you're going to use your voice.

When you do stand up for yourself, you are going to upset people by the very fact that you are changing and growing. There's no way around it. This is one of the most uncomfortable side effects of growth. You cannot want to change who you are without having a ripple effect on all of those around you.

As we grow and change, you're gonna realize that not everybody likes how you are growing and changing. The dynamics of a relationship are going to change and people won't want to tolerate that anymore and you might not want to tolerate how someone treats you anymore. As painful as it is, you might have to end some relationships as you realize you two are not aligned anymore.

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Almost every client I work with feels they lack confidence. Success and confidence are interconnected, and when we look at what the most successful people have in common, they're all confident!

When we identify markers for success, we find ways to build confidence.

First, though, there are two confidence myths that we need to break apart. Some believe they will find confidence once success is achieved when actually confidence leads to success. When you believe in yourself, you're willing to take risks, you believe you are capable of achieving a goal, and you continue to expand and grow beyond yourself. Confidence leads to success.

Most people believe they have to know it all and have every step figured out before they get started. That does not lead to success. That just leads to waiting and hoping that you have all the bits figured. The way to get over the overwhelm and the confusion is to simply just take the first action. And then as soon as you do that, inevitably the next step will be clear. It's through messy action.

We all have desires and ideas of what success means to us. Every person is different. I want you to honor that. There's no standard for what success is for each person.

If you look at people who are super successful, they're most likely super confident. And so what do they all have in common? This is what I want to share with you, in order of impactful, to most impactful

1 - They believe in themselves when no one else is around them.

2 - Confident people bet on themselves.

3 - Knowing when to receive help

4 - Confident people admit that they make mistakes.

5 - Confident people don't expect instant results, but they know the results will come no matter what.

6 - Confident people dream big

7 - Trust in your process and the way you do things.

8 - Don't let setbacks and challenges get in their way of where they're going,

9 - Confident people are expressive.

10 - Look at how far you have come instead of how far you have yet to go.

"Look in the rear view mirror from where you were to where you are today, that's looking at progress! Your confidence skyrockets when you look at progress."

We all have desires and ideas of what success means to us. Every person is different. I want you to honor that. There's no standard for what success is for each person.

If you are ready to bet on yourself and want to reclaim your confidence, sign up for the free 21 day challenge BECOMING CONFIDENT.

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I'm a storyteller at heart and I love hearing good stories, and this week's episode has several examples of breakthroughs that show the true power of breathwork, through the course of several sessions, or even just one.

I promise, every single one of you listening to this podcast has experiences such as this, where you are completely unconscious to it right now and tell yourself you feel stuck, or you don't really know where you are going in life. There's a lack of clarity.

All the symptoms that you're experiencing in your life are absolutely a result of things that have not been processed and are stuck energetically in your body.

We don't know what the real problem is, and we think we know the real problem, and that is so dangerous that we think we know what the problem is and then it doesn't end up fixing it.

In my own business, breathwork is a tremendous tool for coping with worry. I find myself in a default mode of worrying about money and my business, and my family can tell that I am down about something. I've become aware of the pattern and know the worry is not helping me anymore.

The change needs to happen at a physical level, instead of the traditional mindset from the top down where we think about it in our head, and then we push it down into our bodies and take action, that is an uphill process. It's really so hard to make changes that way. It requires a lot of willpower; we have only so much before we give up and get frustrated.

And through breathwork, we take a bottoms-up approach where you make the change in your body, and then your mind takes command from your body, and then you take action.

I have felt so much unexpected anger and rage that I had been holding inside myself for so long, since my childhood, in breathwork sessions.

We always project onto others what we don't want to explore within ourselves, and this breakthrough changed how I was able to handle my son's anger, I had so much understanding and empathy that I had never had for his emotional episodes.

Whenever my son expressed rage and anger, it would spark outrage in me. We would be in conflict with each other and fight with each other about his emotions. But once I did this breathwork session, I found that I had so much space, time, and energy, and that allowed him to not feel worthless because he was having these reactions.

A client recently reached out to me to guide her through her first breathwork session, she had been experiencing a tight feeling in her body even though she had the best month yet in her business. Her session uncovered her pattern of asking for permission to uplevel, and as she grows and expands, she no longer has to seek permission from others and she can allow herself that freedom to expand.

All of this came through in her breath work session, and she also said that in the beginning, even though she was trying to take deep breaths, she could tell her breath was constricted and very tight, and towards the end of the session she was, she was feeling so many incredible physical sensations in her body, and she was able to transmute that heavy energy that she felt into light tingly energy.

Breathwork is a huge component of the work that I do myself and with my clients, and hearing of how a spiritual practice, or habit has helped others can have a ripple effect and get our brains going about how we can apply those experiences to our own lives and what kind of breakthroughs we can have.

I would love to hear from you and what your thoughts are, what did you take away as a result of listening to this particular episode?

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Something incredible happens when you allow people to ask something anonymously - they become 10 times more courageous, brave, and vulnerable. These questions came in anonymously on Instagram and each one is it's own conversation.

From questions about parenting and playing with children even when you don't enjoy play, investing in yourself and finding a coach, and dreading work and the pressure around careers, this Q and A was so powerful and potent many struggle with these issues that we've talked about today.

Take some time to listen to these three questions and the conversation around them so you really have time to digest all the information that I've given you.

[00:01 - 06:45] Q - I don't like to play with my kids. I love my kids, but I don't want to play. I feel so guilty. What thoughts do you have?

• We grow up watching adults and parents, and have formed ideas and beliefs about what makes a parent good or great

• Set boundaries around how long one will play

• Be fully present when playing to create a quality connection

[06:45 - 13:01] Strategies and insight for playing with your children

• Come up with an activity that feels fun-filled for both of you.

• Oftentimes we don't want play with our kids because fun is hard for us

• Play is based on curiosity and excitement and wonder

• For a lot of us, we are completely disconnected from our inner child.

[13:01 - 19:38] Q - How did you get over the money to invest in yourself? Why did you hire a coach? I'm scared to spend money on myself.

• Unappiness and the unfulfillment is not always circumstances but could be lack of purpose

• The feeling you've checked off everything on this natural list that we have, (school, family, career) and then we still feel so lost.

• Be inspired by a coach that has been where you are now and seeing how they worked through those feelings

• When we are scared to invest in ourselves, the easiest excuse and the easiest reason we grab onto is about money.

[19:38 - 30:00] Q - I dread work so much. I have a good career, but I feel so much pressure. Is there anything that would help?

• There is so much power in acknowledging we are at in life and the thing that's causing us pain.

• Switching careers can feel like a departure from culture and upbringing and neglecting a “duty”

• Achieving worthiness because of who you are, not because of achievements.

Learn more about me and my coaching services: 10 Ways to Spark Your Self Love Journey

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