How Picard can it be?

Frustration! As Q is less of a Thing than we had hoped. Excitement! With the Borg sisters doing it for themselves. Confusion! As Rios is pushed into a boring romantic sub-plot instead of doing anything useful. All this plus crochet, Cabaret, and some very questionable bra-related puns. Join us – who cares about your finite mortal life?

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We’re hoping that the Star Trek superfans don’t need or want detailed episode recaps, and nor do people who don’t like Star Trek, because we’ve got none of ’em for you today, folks. Plus, be warned, our guest this week is definitely a fan of Star Trek, but definitely not a fan of Star Trek Picard.

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We lose our way in a dazzling display of incompetence, only to be rescued by our nefarious alternate-timeline hosts Gordon and Jenny who show us up in spectacular style. Meanwhile, Chris reads some beautiful internet words and watches a kids’ film, Oscar Isaac says we can call him Daddy, and actual good journalist Alex Watson steps in to calm everyone the hell down.

You’re not so much a listener as an aural hostage at this point. Sorry.

Guests hosts:

Gordon Barr on Twitter: https://twitter.com/gordonbarr

Jenny Bann on Twitter: https://twitter.com/calluna_

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Ríos nails his Bond audition, Pill takes Manhattan, the Queen has new boots, and Kore performs a rudimentary Google search in possibly the biggest font ever used. 

Meanwhile, Chris enjoys theme tunes and science-y stuff then loses his damn mind explaining ice cube economics, while Jenny recommends crisps and encounters some real-life Viking treasure. Thankfully, Jim returns to be super-cool and explain almost everything. Except the ice cube bit.

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The queen is dead; long live the queen! (But fuck you, Elnor.) The gang mount a Mission Impossible-style heist, apparently tired of thinking up weirdy-alien names the script writers bring on Adam and bring back Gary, and perpetually alone Dr Jurati gives a very literal interpretation of that timeless Bon Jovi lyric, ‘Shot through the organic tissue at the base of the cerebellum / And you’re to blame / You give coercive control in a relationship / A bad name’.

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It’s fair to say the non-Picard chat this episode (from 21:00) is more lucid and engaging than the Picard chat that preceded it, but as always, our guest – this week, the erudite and lovely Dr Sarah Bickerton – adds some Actually Good Star Trek Discourse. We would promise to do better next week, but we respect you too much to lie to you.

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“Hey, the kid’s finally asleep. Why don’t we watch episode three and then record the podcast about it?” Reader, you’ll see why. But! As tired and incoherent as Jenny and Chris are, the episode was bouncy, pacy, and tight; it’s a nightmarish Kafkaesque seesaw of ability and talent. Plus, we get this series’ first genuinely creepy moment, more Pill love, and we recommend a year-old piece global phenomenon as if it’s a just-released indie sleeper hit that needs all the promo it can get. 🤷 Thank the lord for our guest, Dan Moren.

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Need a distraction from literally everything? Join us as we forget what little we ever knew about Picard, and talk Star Trek with our actually-knowledgeable guest and friend, Ant.

Featuring! Photos with Patrick Stewart! Offending Michael Dorn! The Batman excitement! CODA’s Oscar hopes! And more!

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