What happens when shame keeps someone silent?

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with clinical psychologist Dr Eve da Silva about the often hidden impact of online sexual harm — and how shame, self-criticism, and secrecy can leave young people feeling isolated and unable to seek help.

Eve shares how her clinical work in CBT began to uncover a pattern: clients presenting with anxiety or low mood were often carrying unspoken experiences such as non-consensual image sharing or distressing online sexual encounters. These experiences were rarely discussed — not because they weren’t important, but because they felt too shameful to name.

Drawing on Compassion Focused Therapy, Eve developed a 14-day online self-compassion programme, designed to gently support people in shifting from self-blame to self-understanding. We explore the practices involved — including soothing rhythm breathing, safe space imagery, compassionate writing, and compassionate self exercises — and why even brief interventions can make a meaningful difference.

We also discuss the complexity of navigating digital intimacy, the role of peer and cultural pressures, and how shame activates threat responses that block help-seeking. Eve shares findings from her study, where participants showed reduced self-criticism, lower distress, increased self-reassurance, and more openness to seeking help.

This is a thoughtful and important conversation about how compassion can help people begin to relate differently to themselves — especially in moments where they might feel most alone.

You can find Eve’s free resources here:

https://compassionhelps.com/resources

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Topic

01:33 Why This Research

06:51 Online Norms and Pressure

12:32 Shame and Silence

16:51 Designing the Program

23:18 Making It Human

26:38 Study Results and Outcomes

35:41 Supporting Youth Compassionately

42:02 Micro Anchors Explained

46:03 What’s Next and Wrap-Up

Links:

Find Eve da Silva on Instagram:

@drevedasilva

If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/

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Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/

YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/twLUB3Ma118

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Video hashtags:

compassion focused therapy, self compassion, shame, online harm, mental health, help seeking