Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse, spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog call Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. So today, I’m going to cover 2 of those 5 regrets from Bronnie Ware’s study and how to avoid them. Then, next week, in Episode 32, I’ll give you the last three. 

Now you may be thinking, how does averting regrets on my death bed apply to my marriage? I’ll tell you. Living your life to the fullest will make you a better person and a better partner. When you make positive changes in your life, it will shift how you relate to your husband. A person letting their lives pass by, not pursuing their best self, is an unfulfilled person. An unfulfilled person is miserable. And a miserable person makes everyone miserable around them. 

The number one regret of the dying was, “I wish I’d have the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” We all want to be accepted, loved, and respected. That’s normal. But, what price are we paying when we live by the standards others have set for us? We are deriving our self-esteem from the way others see us as we play that role. When we look for the validation of others for our self-esteem, we give our power away. 

Here are just a few things we do when we are trying to live up to the expectations of others-

We allow others to treat us in unacceptable ways without standing up for ourselves. We change plans for someone else even though it doesn’t suit us. We shoulder more of the load than we should. We maintain relationships with friends when they don’t add anything substantial to our lives. We stay on the phone longer than is convenient and don’t say. I need to go. We take the role of fixer in the lives of those that should be taking care of their own problems. We say yes when we should say no. 

You know, you may have been giving your power away by living up to the expectations of others for long that you don’t even know what your true self is anymore. So, you need awareness. Begin to notice when you are holding back your thoughts and feelings, holding your tongue when you need to say something. Notice when you are sacrificing your needs for the needs of others. Make a note of it. Then ask yourself what you need to do to live your life true to yourself? Then affirm yourself by writing down why you are worthy of living your best life.

Honoring and being true to yourself is not a selfish thing. Life is a give and take. But if you are doing all the giving, it isn’t healthy.  As long as you speak your truth and stand up for yourself with love and respect, you are not doing anything wrong. 

You can find the complete show notes at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/31