How To Be Attractive

Leading a singles group left me wondering about many things. This one, in particular always puzzled me. To me, it seemed like a big need in an important area. It was something that, as a single man, I worked hard on myself. Yet, for some reason, I never received many questions about it –  how to be attractive.

Perhaps, most of the singles there thought they were already very attractive. Or perhaps, they took one look at me and decided I had nothing to teach them. Or maybe, they were afraid to admit they needed help or afraid of what the answers might be.

However, I did a class on it anyway, and it was on of the best-received classes I ever taught. I did some local research and read some actual research and found they matched up pretty well. There are certain things that most people find attractive. I’m not going to try to cover everything today. This post will cover three key elements of being attractive.

These aren’t necessarily the top three ways to be attractive, but they are all important. Taken together, they are very helpful and have a nice alliteration – confidence, kindness, and conversation. I could have also added character, courage, and convictions, but I try to limit these posts to around one thousand words. There are also many others that don’t begin with a “c” sound. I’ll save those for other posts.

Confidence

Confidence ranks high on many lists of attractive qualities. I believe it would rank even higher if people realized that it is what attracts them to some people even though they can’t quite put a name to it.

In a previous post, I wrote about making a list. Confidence was not on my “must have” list of things I was looking for in a wife. But, it was most definitely one of the things that attracted me to Anita, who I ended up marrying.

When I described her attractive qualities, I said things like – I like the way she carries herself or she is comfortable with who she is. Even though I might not have used the word confidence, that was absolutely one of the things that attracted me to her.

True Confidence

I also suspect it would rank higher still if people truly understood what it is and what it is not. Confidence often gets lumped in with or mistaken for pridefulness, pompousness, or arrogance, but it is none of those things. In fact, people who are arrogant are, not always, but quite often overcompensating for a lack of confidence.

True confidence is not boastful. It carries itself with a dignity and a boldness that does not require boisterousness and bravado. When people carry themselves in a confident manner, others just find themselves attracted to them.

For me, confidence was one of those “fake it till you make it” skills. At first, I just did the things that confident people would do. While doing that, I also did the inner work it took to become more confident. Eventually, the work paid off. I did become more confident. It will work for you too if you give it a shot.

Kindness

It is amazing to me how many people overlook the simple concept of being kind. They will spend tons of money and do all sorts of ridiculous things trying to make themselves more attractive. But, they forget this basic yet amazingly attractive virtue.

True Kindness

And by kindness, I do not mean weakness. In fact, I would argue that to be truly kind you must do it from a position of strength. Real kindness does not stop you from doing what is necessary. Sometimes harsh things must be done or said. But, you can still do or say them in the kindest possible way.