After a whirlwind week of birthday celebrations, houseguests, and a 60-person party, Ellen found herself ignoring three friends-of-friends at a concert, and is having a hard time shaking the guilt. In this episode, we dig into the research on social exhaustion, uncovering why everyone, not just introverts, gets tired after socializing. Drawing on studies both classic and new, we explore the hidden cost of self-regulation and land on a mix of change (next time, just say we're running on empty) and acceptance (some social burnout is simply the price of showing up fully for the people we love).

Is it anxiety, ADHD, or both? In this week's audio newsletter, we explore why these two conditions can feel similar, the surprising ways they overlap, and the big differences that can help us better understand what's driving our struggles with focus, procrastination, racing thoughts, restlessness, and overwhelm. We also discuss how genetics, modern life, uncertainty, and even excessive screen use may shape our symptoms. Most importantly, we'll learn why finding the "right" label matters less than developing coping that works and treating yourself with a little grace.

*As always, all HIPAA identifiers and story details have been changed or combined while keeping the essence intact. My goal is to honor the confidentiality of therapy while sharing relatable, based-on-a-true-story examples.

In part two of this series on loneliness, we explore the quieter ways loneliness can pull us away from the very connection we're craving. You'll learn why loneliness can lead us to send confusing social signals, become more critical of others, or dive into social media—and why these reactions are less about your personality than your brain's attempt to regain a sense of safety. Along the way, we'll cover simple, low-effort shifts that can help you signal warmth more clearly, reclaim a sense of agency in your relationships, and use self-awareness to reconnect without forcing yourself to be someone you're not.

In this week's episode, we explore why loneliness can make connecting with others even harder. We'll talk about the "trying too hard" side of the equation: performing likeability with a perma-smile and jazz hands, being so relentlessly appropriate that people can't get close, and filling silence with nervous chatter that backfires. For each pattern, we'll cover a small, low-lift shift to try. The best news? None of this is a character flaw, and if we see ourselves in any of these examples, we're in luck: awareness is already most of the work.

📢📢📢ANNOUNCEMENT: With the next episode, I'll turn on the paid subscription feature on Substack, but everything stays FREE. No tiers, no paywalled posts. If you'd like to contribute and hold the door open for someone else, come visit at https://ellenhendriksen.substack.com 📢📢📢

Making friends as an adult feels harder than it should — but it doesn't have to. In this episode, we explore four circumstances that build closeness without all the logistical labor: repetition, immersion, high obligation, and getting adopted by a connector. Turns out, the right situation can do more for a friendship than any amount of planning.

We hear a lot about friendship—but what about acquaintances? In this week's audio newsletter, we explore the underrated value of the people who float somewhere between strangers and friends: the neighbor you wave to, the regular at your coffee shop, the parent at pickup, the guy you call "Big Dog" at the gym. This week, we'll celebrate the casual, low-pressure connections that matter so much for feeling grounded, connected, and part of a community.

This week, we’re talking about the 21% of people whose social anxiety comes out not as shyness, but as irritability, criticism, or pushing people away before they can be rejected. Together, we'll explore the lesser-known “fight” response to social anxiety, and why defensiveness and snark are often rooted in fear and a longing for acceptance. We'll cover three practical ways to soften those defenses, including acting as if you’re already liked, using body language to create feelings of openness and safety, and practicing compassion toward others as a pathway to self-compassion. If you’ve ever pushed people away while secretly wanting connection, this episode is for you.

This week, listener Marissa is navigating the already tough job market with the added challenge of perfectionism whispering that she’s never quite qualified enough. We'll cover practical mindset shifts, like treating job requirements as a flexible wish list, accounting for your “perfectionism handicap,” and zooming out from microscopic self-criticism to a more balanced, big-picture view. Listen to cheer Marissa on and pick up some helpful tips yourself!

This week, listener Angie asks how to disagree without feeling anxious or fake, so we lean into assertiveness: expressing your views honestly while respecting others. We break down passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication, and show how disagreement can be a calm contribution rather than a conflict. With simple mindset shifts (you’re adding an additional perspective, not proving someone wrong), a matter-of-fact tone, and gradual practice in low-stakes situations, it becomes easier to speak up. Plus: easy sentence stems to help you disagree without drama.

The cultural mantra “don’t care what people think” is meant to be freeing, but it can actually keep us tied to the very audience we’re trying to escape. In this episode, we explore why “don’t care what people think” is more armor than liberation, and offer three better questions to guide us: Did I act with integrity? Did I try? Did I learn? If you’re tired of replaying conversations and managing impressions, test out these three alternatives to ask, “But what did I think?”