The response to my last blog, 7 Things Your Kid Wants From You But Will Never Ask, was enormous. Scores of people shared it on their social media sites. So, a big thank you!

It seems prudent to follow up with a blog to help parents get at some of the things your kid wants but will never ask. I am not going to barrage you with a list of things to do. Instead I want to focus on one simple concept. Being the leader your kid needs now.

Deep down inside, your kid wants you to be 3 things: loving, firm, and fun. Do you possess all three on a consistent basis? If you waver in these areas your kid will react negatively in one way or another. They need you to be the leader who sets the tone for the family.

Every parent can be a leader by taking control in these 5 areas.

Deep down inside, your kid wants you to be 3 things: loving, firm, and fun.
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Taking control over negative beliefs about your parenting

One of the places many parents get stuck is in their head. Guilt and fear are primary negative beliefs that drive their decisions.

Here are a few examples of guilt scripts. “I am not doing enough for my kid… I’m not around enough for my kid…I’m not giving my kid what he wants…”

Fear scripts may sound like this. “I fear my kid will fail… I am afraid I will ruin my kid… I am afraid my kid won’t like me… I am afraid my kid is making me look like a bad parent…I am afraid I will fail as a parent…”

Negative beliefs contribute to defeatism. Beliefs inform behavior. Parents on the run repeat patterns based on fear and guilt hoping that somehow things will improve down the road.

It is important to change your script. Your parenting approach will change accordingly.  Here are a few examples of positive scripts (beliefs).

“I live in a world of imperfect parents. Therefore I choose not to beat myself up.”  “I choose love over fear as the primary motivation for my decisions.” “If I say no it’s not the end of the world. My kid will get over it.”

I have a special offer! For this week only, everyone who subscribes (free) to my new, “The All About We Podcast” with co-host, Amanda Berlin, will receive a free copy of “How To Rewrite Negative Scripts”. Click here to subscribe.

Taking control over your negative attitude toward your kid

When conflict patterns develop in parent-child relationships negative attitudes develop. This forms a posture for future interactions. Brains form default attitudes that activate when a scent of conflict is in the air.

“I can’t stand being around her. She always pushes my buttons.” “He is just a defiant kid. No matter what I say, he’s not going to listen.”

Kids can detect the negative attitude. It reinforces their own mistaken belief that they are not loved.

If you want to be the leader your kid needs now you have to get control over your negative attitude. Your “button-pushing” kid is looking for attention. Try giving it to her in a positive manner. Your defiant son is willful and being assertive. Perhaps these are positive traits, simply taken a little too far.

Changing your attitude will shift your interaction from negative t...