In this episode of Dads on Tap, I share my journey from a childhood marked by my family’s financial collapse and personal struggles to discovering the concept of "the gap"—the space between the man we want to be and the reality we live in. Through hardships and a life-changing question from a mentor, I began to uncover the challenges holding me back. How do we bridge that gap and become mature men?

You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in...

• My history, how I grew up, and, its influence on my maturity [3:45]
• Why do we need to answer the question, “What’s in the gap?” [9:15]
• Challenges of our ideal self compared to our real self [10:29]
• Why restraining our actions doesn't work towards our dream [12:30]
• The two underlying causes for ‘the gap’ [14:05]

My origin story

I grew up in Michigan, the second of four boys. My dad was an entrepreneur with a successful business, but when I was eight, we moved, and his business failed. Financial struggles followed, leading to marital problems for my parents. Between the ages 8 and 18, we moved 10 times. 

One day, I came home to find my mom had left with my two youngest siblings, leaving my older brother and me with my dad. We struggled to keep food on the table as our family went bankrupt and lost everything. 

For weeks, we lived in a tent at a campground. Eventually, my mom came back, and my parents reconciled—but we weren’t allowed to talk about what happened. We were just expected to move on.

In college, I started a career that connected me with influential leaders and large organizations. I believed my worth came from my titles and accomplishments, not who I was. Then, during a tense work meeting, my boss called me out: “I know this issue is frustrating, but your reaction was so much bigger than the problem. What’s in the gap?” That question changed my life.

What’s in ‘the gap’?

The gap is the space between the man we dream of being and the reality of who we are. We want to be great husbands, dads, and men of integrity, but sometimes our actions don’t align with our ideals. We may desire to be encouraging spouses but end up being neglectful, or we aim to be present fathers but find ourselves angry and reactive.

The behaviors holding us back are symptoms of deeper issues—false beliefs or unspoken vows we’ve made about ourselves. To grow into mature, spiritual men, we must identify and address what’s in our gap. Reflect on moments when your reaction seemed outsized to the situation—those are clues to the underlying challenges keeping you from the life you want.

I offer coaching to help uncover and close the gap so you can live out the dreams you have for your life. Together, we can tackle what’s holding you back.

Identify what causes ‘the gap’

No one sets out to be a poor husband or father, but the gap can lead us there. Over time, we slide into habits that keep us from the life we envision. These behaviors—whether neglect, anger, or compromise—are usually symptoms of deeper issues. 

The root cause is often a false belief or an unspoken vow we’ve made about ourselves, such as “I’ll never fail like my dad” or “I have to earn love through achievement.”

Self-restraint isn’t enough to overcome these patterns; we need to uncover what’s truly keeping us from maturing into the men we want to be. Reflect on recent moments where your reaction felt out of proportion to the situation—those are clues to what’s in your gap.

I offer coaching to help you identify and address these challenges, empowering you to bridge the gap and live out your dreams as a husband, father, and man of integrity. The journey starts with one question: What do I need to know-What’s in my gap?

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