Holding grudges & not forgiving others will only cause us more unnecessary pain, not make you feel empowered or in control of the situation. You are just preventing yourself from moving on & being released from the hurtful experience.

Show Notes:

Let’s start with talking about what forgiveness is & what it’s not.

Forgiveness is a way to take your power back because by holding tight to the transgression you are giving that person all the power & this mindset controls your emotions. It’s also a choice for you to make. You don’t have to forgive them, but you’ll be better off if you do. You’ll also be taking responsibility for your feelings when you decide to forgive because you are acknowledging that you were hurt or offended or whatever in the experience. Accepting how you feel about the situation will help you heal from it sooner. And the biggest thing forgiveness is, it’s for you, not the person that hurt you. It allows you to move on & not get caught in the pain.

As for things forgiveness is not, it’s not forgetting what happened. You’re just choosing to move on. It’s also not an obligation to stay in a relationship with that person, whether romantic, friendship or otherwise. And forgiveness is not magically going to make you feel better, but it will help you start healing.

There are so many different ways to look at forgiveness & a few standard quotes that accompany these perspectives. My favorite one: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison, but expecting someone else to die.” Another good one: “Forgiveness is unlocking a door to set someone free & realizing you were the prisoner.” When you choose to hold a grudge & not forgive someone, you hold tight to the bitterness, pain, resentment & negative feelings, which is only doubling down on the pain.

It’s common to hold a grudge if you feel like the person that hurt you doesn’t care how it affected you, if they never admit to the wrongdoing, if you were embarrassed in the experience or you don’t have proper coping mechanisms to move on from negative experiences like this. But whether or not you tend to hold grudges often or not, it’s important to realize this isn’t the way to feel better. 

Fixated in your pain, you can’t heal, you can’t learn anything from the experience, you can’t engage in forgiveness. 

And if you aren’t sure how to move forward & start to forgive someone, you’re in luck because that’s exactly what I’m going to share with you right now. Here are 7 steps to take when engaging in forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge how you were hurt. 
2. Accept that you can’t change what happened. 
3. Let go of being correct about whatever happened. 
4. Release the need to punish & control them. 
5. Try on a different perspective. 
6. Decide if you still want a relationship with this person. 
7. Tell them or don’t. 

Thank you again for listening!

Visit me on Instagram or TikTok: @sabrinajoyperozzo

Anonymous survey for topic suggestions for the show:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScqcg0URMsH61Evk_3SiSURBkNuk5aUZVo97H5nuLVB0q36Iw/viewform?usp=sf_link

Have any questions, comments, or feedback?  Send me an email at [email protected] or check out my website, www.sabrinajoy.com where you can listen to all my episodes, send me messages & sig

Support the show

Watch the Video Version of RPG: https://www.youtube.com/@realpositivegirl/podcasts
Buy the Planner on AMAZON!: https://amzn.to/3WwthT2
Visit me on Instagram or TikTok: @sabrinajoyperozzo
Email Me: [email protected]