How to Forgive Yourself After You’ve Cheated

A listener shares their story and feelings after having had cheated on their long-term partner. They ask for help managing the guilt and shame and Jess & Brandon weigh in on the topic with a discussion of:

Whether or not to tell your partner about an affair

Why talking about cheating can be helpful in all relationships

How to talk about affairs in the hypothetical to improve understanding in relationships

How the language of confession can feel burdensome

How to manage feelings of guilt

How to forgive yourself

How to work through feelings of shame

How to practice self-compassion

How to learn from previous regrets

Please see here for a rough version of this transcript.

This podcast has been sponsored by Let’sGetChecked. Use code DRJESS to save at checkout!

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to Forgive Yourself After Youve Cheated

00:00:05 - 00:05:02

You're listening to the sacs with dr jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the sex with dr jasser. Podcast co host brandon. Wear here with my always. Lovely other half dr jess. Hey hey how's it going and good today we're gonna be we're gonna be talking about something serious going to be talking about how to get over an affair. I look forward to your answers. I wanna know what you think. I think this is an important conversation for everyone in a relationship. But we're actually going to be talking about it from the perspective of the cheater Interesting how to move through the guilt and the shame so before we get to the question that somebody sent in one a shout out our sponsor. Let's get checked dot com. They offer all sorts of home wellness and health tests including s. t. is and. I was actually looking at some research out of canada this morning by going to try and get this right. The sex information and education council of canada came out with data showing that young people are reporting lower access to sexual health and reproductive health services since the onset of the pandemic make sense when you think about them perhaps not being on campus and having access to different sexual health counseling And free hall centers especially when we think about so. Many people may be living at home. And maybe they need their parents to drive them someplace. And don't wanna ask so. This is an option for folks. Let's get checked. You receive a box at kit and you take your sample by yourself. At home you mail it in and they provide your results securely online anna matter of days so folks please do check it out. Let's get checked dot com and please please use code dr jess to save and also so that they know you heard about it here. All right so. I'm going to read out the question that i received about how to get over the guilt and shame and other associated feelings of cheating because this is a tough one. I wanted to actually spend some time on it with you. So this person writes in and says i've been in a serious relationship for almost twelve years. We've been cohabitating for eleven years during our ninth year tog...