Do you remember when you couldn't keep your hands off each other, and you could have sex just about anywhere or anytime? It didn't take much for a spark to ignite the flame back then, did it?  The good old days, right? 

But what about now? Are you still enjoying a satisfying sex life? You should be, even if you've bought into the belief system that those days are over. 

You know there is no reason older couples can't enjoy sex just as much as the younger ones.  There is no age limit to sexual intimacy. No one likes to think of older couples enjoying sex into their 80's, but low and behold, they are.

 It's a cultural bias that says you have to be a certain age and look a certain way to be sexy or sexual. I call BS on that. Sex, as we age, may not look the exact same, but with the right approach can be just as wonderful- I think even better. 

You are not just older. You are wiser and know more about who you are.  You can revamp your sex life in middle age-trust me. I've experienced all these challenges and done everything I've suggested here. My sex life is better than ever. 

 Remember when I talked about when you were younger-anytime, anywhere. Well, as we age, we find ourselves in a different place. Sex therapist Sonia Wright calls it being in a place of neutrality.  When we are younger, our hormones have us in drive most of the time. In midlife, not so much.  

The thing about being in neutral-movement is still possible. There are several reasons we get into this state of neutral, so I'll cover some of them with solutions to try.  

Hormone Changes

 1.    The first reason we can get stuck in neutral is the hormone changes.  I talked about this last week in episode 17, Dealing with Sexual Dysfunction in Midlife. If you haven't listened to that, you can find it a reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/17.  In that episode, you'll find some options for the complications the hormone changes can bring.  I suggest seeing your OBGYN and see what might work for you. 

 Can’t get in the mood

 2.    The second reason we can feel stuck in neutral is that it feels like it takes so much longer to get in the mood. That doesn't mean you can't get in the mood any longer, but you may need to tap back into your sexuality a bit and determine what lights your fire- now. 

I have a friend that says what puts her in the mood is watching or reading love stories, even erotica. Some women find taking a hot bath, putting a beautiful negligee on, lighting candles, and having some music playing make them feel more in the mood. Whatever works for you is okay. There is no right or wrong.

I suggest couples plan sex so there can be more mental preparation for a woman who may find it harder to get in the mood. My husband and I plan sex now. Sound unromantic? Well, it works because then we can make an event of it instead of an afterthought after falling exhausted into bed. I like to know when so I can get myself prepared. 

The biggest sex muscle you have is your brain, and for me, at my age, I need to prepare so I can enjoy it mentally. I do some of the things that help me get in the mood, and I tell my husband that if he wants to have sex, we have to go to bed earlier, and I tailor my schedule around it, so I'm not feeling stressed with unfinished tasks on my plate. When we set time aside for sex, we can take our time, which is definitely my midlife speed these days.

For complete show notes to this episode visit http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/18