Let me give you an official definition of perfectionism. Perfectionism, in psychology, is a broad personality style characterized by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concern regarding others’ evaluation. 

 Ladies, perfectionism is a monster. It sets us up to measure ourselves by an unrealistic standard. Let me tell you that perfectionists are not only hard on themselves but everyone else around them. Because being perfect is an illusion. 

You will never be "the perfect" anything. It’s easy to say, right? It is harder to accept. You can only pursue excellence, and it is a journey, not a destination.

Do you know what the result of perfectionism is? The inability to step outside of your comfort zone and do something new or different. The perfectionist mindset will keep you from trying anything new because of the fear of failure. If I can’t do it perfectly, then I won’t even try. Or, if you fall short of your ideal, you quit before getting to the place you would like to be. 

So today, I’m going to talk about how to get out of the trap of perfectionism. We will take about the futility of comparison, being true to your own value system, and pursuing your best self. 

Comparison

First, let’s talk about the futility of comparison. Betty Jamie Chung puts it this way, Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent. I think women are the worst at comparing themselves to other women. 

When I compare myself to women that are different than I am, I hear messages like this: I should be in better shape, I should keep a better house, I should probably get some fillers and botox, I should decorate my home better, I should cook more creative meals. 

We tear ourselves down when we compare ourselves to others. Have you ever been with other women and come away feeling bad about yourself? That is the result of the comparison. 

Another side of that coin is that when we feel like we don’t measure up, we start judging others to make ourselves feel better. Either we are better than or less than. Neither of which is healthy self-esteem. 

Now, that’s not to say you can’t be inspired to do something different by being in the presence of a woman you look up to, but beating yourself up is not a way to make forward progress.  You can’t empower yourself by playing all the negative tapes of what you aren’t. 

You will find the complete show notes at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/30