Why won’t the experienced DM playing in your game back off and let you run it? A backseat DM can be a frustrating experience and force some difficult conversations — but having an experienced DM on the player side of the table to help lookup rulings and encourage the other players can also be a really beneficial asset in your game. How do you leverage that DM player as a good assistant and not let them become your worst critic?

At 3 Wise DMS, we’ve played with backseat DMs, been backseat DMs, and even been backseat DMs to each other. In this episode, Thorin, Tony and Dave talk about how they handle the situation, how they try to leverage DM players as helpers, and how they communicate when the backseat DMing gets out of line (including when it’s one of us getting out of line). Here are 11 things you should know about handling the backseat DM in your game.

2:00 2 listeners who feel undermined by experienced DMs playing in their campaigns

4:00 Assistants and food critics: The benefits and pitfalls of having another seasoned DM at the table

8:00 Rules vs adjudication, and times we’ve been the backseat DMs

12:00 Understand the rule before you house rule — and the danger of bad calls that become precedents and problems going forward

16:00 Be open to reasonable feedback and make adjustments if they have a point

20:00 How DMs should act when playing in another DM’s game (especially if you taught them the game)

24:00 Letting a new DM run the game their way will teach you new things about DMing

34:00 How we handle backseat DMs when we’re DMing

39:00 Exerting your authority to bring a backseat DM player inline

44:00 Knowing the rules, making wise decisions, and ruling with consistency all reinforce your authority

50:00 How to handle a DM player who wants you to step aside and kill your campaign

56:00 Adjust your pacing to the frequency of play: Monthly games have to feel like the players accomplished something

67:00 Final thoughts