You’re single. You want to go out on dates. You should go out on dates. But, trying to get a date is risky. So, be prepared for a few no thank you’s or possibly even the occasional rude dismissal. When that happens, how do you handle rejection?

We’ve all been there. You make a move to let someone know you are interested in them, and they return zero interest in you. Are worse yet, you ask someone out and they flatly, even pointedly reject you.

It’s Not You

One way to handle rejection is to realize that most of the time when that happens it’s not about you. Who knows what event in their life or flaw in their character precipitated that rejection? Yet, many of us assume it’s personal and that they see some fundamental flaw in us. Before you jump to that conclusion, consider a few alternative possibilities.

It’s Their Ex

It could be something as simple as you reminding them of their ex. Maybe someone who looks like you or talks like you or smells like you or for whatever reason reminds them of you caused them a lot of pain at some point. You, unfortunately, caught them at a time when they hadn’t gotten over it yet.

It’s Bad Timing

Which brings us to timing. It’s not your fault that you showed interest in them at a time when they had not yet gotten over their ex. It could be that if you had met a few months later, after they had more time to gain perspective and to heal, they would have been more interested. Or, maybe if you had crossed paths before that person you remind them of broke their heart, the outcome would have been better.

It’s Them

Or, maybe it’s them. There could be some flaw in their character or their way of seeing you that doesn’t allow them to appreciate the fabulous person you are. Believe it or not, and I know this may come as a shock to you, but, some people are very hung up on a certain look. If you’re not the right weight, shape, height, eye color, skin color, ethnicity, or don’t have the right facial features they will dismiss you out of hand and never take time to get to know you.

And for some people it may not be looks. Some people will judge you by your income level, educational level, music preferences, fashion choices, culinary preferences, political affiliation, religious background, or accent. It’s not your fault that some people overvalue the less important things and undervalue more important things like good morals, Godly character, faithfulness, honesty, and a loving and gentle disposition.

It’s Nobody’s “Fault”

Also, consider that maybe the person you showed interest in is simply not a good fit for you. It could be nobody’s fault. Just because someone isn’t interested in you or you’re not interested in someone that doesn’t mean any fault has to be assigned.

And always remember, people, including both you and the other person, are free to have preferences in who they go out with. Of course, the wise person defines them carefully based on things that matter. But, well thought out or not people are entitled to their preferences.

It Is Your Fault

Now for a dose of hard truth. Earlier I wrote that most of the time it’s not your fault; that means sometimes – it is your fault. Another way to handle rejection is to use it as motivation to make the changes you need to make.

Everyone gets rejected from time to time. This is normal. But, if you look back and see a pattern of consistently g...