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How to Have Difficult Conversations with Sheila Heen
Stan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively.
They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different.
The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning.
00:00 Intro
03:06 What Makes Talks Hard
04:30 Avoidance And Timing
06:53 Family Conversation Traps
08:54 Hero Villain Victim
10:06 Respond To Feelings
12:40 Switch Track Conversations
14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion
18:04 Loss
19:43 Intent Versus Impact
20:33 Comment Dilemma
23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson
27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution
29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization
33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide
34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist
38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth
42:36 Money Talks For Couples
49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning
51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools
54:58 Resources And Farewell
Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting
Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/
Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.
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By Stan ChristensenStan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively.
They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different.
The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning.
00:00 Intro
03:06 What Makes Talks Hard
04:30 Avoidance And Timing
06:53 Family Conversation Traps
08:54 Hero Villain Victim
10:06 Respond To Feelings
12:40 Switch Track Conversations
14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion
18:04 Loss
19:43 Intent Versus Impact
20:33 Comment Dilemma
23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson
27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution
29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization
33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide
34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist
38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth
42:36 Money Talks For Couples
49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning
51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools
54:58 Resources And Farewell
Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting
Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/
Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.