All Things Negotiation

What do your regrets reveal about what you value, and how can they make you a better negotiator?

Bestselling author Daniel H. Pink (The Power of Regret, Drive, A Whole New Mind) joins Stan Christensen to talk about regret, persuasion, motivation, and building a career as AI takes over entry-level work. Drawing on regrets collected from more than 26,000 people in 134 countries, Pink explains why we regret the chances we didn't take far more than the ones we did, why moral regrets cut deepest, and why "awkward" is almost never a good reason not to reach out.

Stan and Dan also cover:

- How to change someone's mind in a divided country, and the "looping" technique for understanding people you disagree with

- Why taste, composition, and wisdom become more valuable as AI improves

- Career advice for 21-year-olds, and why "follow your passion" falls short

- What really motivates people, and why fairness matters in pay and negotiation

- How Dan reads, when to quit a book, and the fiction and nonfiction that changed his mind

Timestamps

(0:00) Introducing Daniel Pink

(1:35) What our regrets reveal about what we value

(3:01) The girl on the school bus

(6:20) How regret makes you a better negotiator

(7:26) A silver dollar and a handwritten letter

(10:45) Regrets of action vs. inaction

(13:07) Connection regrets: "If only I'd reached out"

(17:05) Understanding each other in a divided country

(19:25) Looping for understanding

(22:31) Negotiating your career in the age of AI

(24:56) Taste, composition, and wisdom

(31:56) Why "follow your passion" is bad advice

(37:00) What really works for productivity

(40:50) Why empathy isn't weakness in negotiation

(45:20) What actually motivates people

(47:41) Negotiating job offers and fair pay

(51:43) How Daniel Pink reads

(55:13) Daniel Pink's book picks

(57:54) Who persuaded Daniel Pink

Links

Daniel H. Pink: https://www.danpink.com

The Power of Regret: https://www.danpink.com/books/the-power-of-regret/

The World Regret Survey: https://worldregretsurvey.com/

The Puzzle of Motivation (TED): https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_pink_the_puzzle_of_motivation

Books discussed: A Whole New Mind and Drive (Daniel H. Pink), High Conflict (Amanda Ripley), Deep Work (Cal Newport), Getting Things Done (David Allen), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Yesteryear (Caro Claire Burke), James (Percival Everett), Animal Farm (George Orwell), The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald), The Nickel Boys (Colson Whitehead), Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk (Ben Fountain), The Righteous Mind (Jonathan Haidt), The Stoic Challenge (William B. Irvine), Influence (Robert Cialdini), The Art of Gathering (Priya Parker).

Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AllThingsNegotiation

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career as a professional negotiator and teaches negotiation at Stanford. On All Things Negotiation, he talks with leaders, diplomats, and thinkers about how persuasion and influence work in the real world.

How do you persuade a president, negotiate with Russia, and build a coalition when change seems impossible?

Former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations and USAID Administrator Samantha Power joins Stan Christensen for a candid conversation about diplomacy, negotiation, and leading through crisis. Power, the Pulitzer Prize–winning author of A Problem from Hell and The Education of an Idealist, shares how she talked her way into covering the war in Bosnia, what she learned negotiating the removal of Syria's chemical weapons, and why Russia's UN ambassador Vitaly Churkin was the best negotiator she ever faced.

They also discuss how to raise human rights issues without sounding moralistic, what really worked in persuading President Obama, the Ebola response, the dismantling of USAID and its human cost, and the lessons from her Harvard course on making change when change is hard, including why every coalition needs both "Baptists and bootleggers."

0:00 Samantha Power and The Education of an Idealist

0:30 The audiobook and a letter to her son

2:15 How a failed negotiation made her a war correspondent

4:05 Writing her own press badge

4:45 Why you have to get close to the issue

6:50 Negotiation lessons: leave it all on the field

9:30 Leading USAID

11:15 How USAID was dismantled

15:10 Why Congress didn't push back

24:20 How to persuade President Obama

27:40 Raising human rights in policy debates

33:25 Syria, chemical weapons, and the red line

41:30 Negotiating with Russia's Vitaly Churkin

45:35 Lessons from the Ebola response

51:15 Teaching social change at Harvard

52:25 Shrink the change

53:30 Find your Baptists and bootleggers

SAMANTHA POWER

Harvard Kennedy School faculty page

https://www.hks.harvard.edu/faculty/samantha-power

BOOKS BY SAMANTHA POWER

The Education of an Idealist: A Memoir

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/the-education-of-an-idealist-samantha-power

A Problem from Hell: America and the Age of Genocide (2003 Pulitzer Prize)

https://www.amazon.com/Problem-Hell-America-Age-Genocide/dp/0465061516

Chasing the Flame: One Man's Fight to Save the World

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/300934/chasing-the-flame-by-samantha-power/

HER HARVARD COURSE WITH CASS SUNSTEIN

Making Change When Change Is Hard: The Law, Politics, and Policy of Social Change

https://www.hks.harvard.edu/courses/making-change-when-change-hard-law-politics-and-policy-social-change

BOOKS DISCUSSED

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/77696/switch-by-chip-heath-and-dan-heath/

Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Team-of-Rivals/Doris-Kearns-Goodwin/9780743270755

LISTEN TO ALL THINGS NEGOTIATION

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-things-negotiation/id1769229339

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AllThingsNegotiation

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career as a professional negotiator and teaches negotiation at Stanford. On All Things Negotiation, he talks with leaders, diplomats, and thinkers about how persuasion and influence work in the real world.

#SamanthaPower #Negotiation #Diplomacy #USAID #AllThingsNegotiation

David Brooks, bestselling author of How to Know a Person, explores how to bridge America's political and cultural divide, and why listening, empathy, judgment, and understanding people we disagree with may matter more than persuasion.

Brooks, host of the new podcast The Permanent Questions and author of The Second Mountain, argues that many of the institutions shaping young people have become better at preparing them for careers than preparing them for life.

We explore what universities should be teaching that they often are not: judgment, empathy, moral reasoning, curiosity, listening, and the ability to understand people whose beliefs differ from our own. David explains why intelligence and good judgment are not the same thing, why asking better questions can transform our relationships, and why understanding another person should come before trying to persuade them.

The conversation ranges from America's political and cultural divisions to AI and education, meaning and faith, marriage and parenting, loneliness and friendship, and what David learned about suffering and character.

At the heart of the conversation is an idea from How to Know a Person: in an increasingly divided culture, learning how to truly see and understand another human being may be one of the most important things we can learn to do.

This is ultimately a hopeful conversation about becoming better listeners, better thinkers, better parents and partners, and better at living with people who see the world differently.

BOOKS AND RESOURCES

David Brooks

How to Know a Personhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/652822/how-to-know-a-person-by-david-brooks/

The Second Mountainhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/3375/david-brooks/

DAVID BROOKS'S NEW PODCAST

The Permanent Questions with David Brookshttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-permanent-questions-with-david-brooks/id6803240325

BOOKS DISCUSSED AND RECOMMENDED

The Sense of Reality by Isaiah Berlinhttps://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Sense+of+Reality+Isaiah+Berlin

Community by Peter Blockhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/815995/community-third-edition-by-peter-block/

The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller and Kathy Kellerhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/309809/the-meaning-of-marriage-by-timothy-keller-with-kathy-keller/

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Franklhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/206272/mans-search-for-meaning-by-viktor-e-frankl/

Morality by Jonathan Sackshttps://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/jonathan-sacks/morality/9781541675322/

The Tyranny of Merit by Michael J. Sandelhttps://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250770028/thetyrannyofmerit/

Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegnerhttps://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/172500/crossing-to-safety-by-wallace-stegner/

Juvenescence by Robert Pogue Harrisonhttps://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/J/bo18596462.html

Angela Duckworth, bestselling author of Grit, returns with a powerful new idea: success depends not only on your character and perseverance, but also on the people, places, cultures, and environments surrounding you.

In her new book, Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best, the University of Pennsylvania and Wharton professor explains why grit and willpower are sometimes not enough. Instead of always asking, “What’s wrong with me?” Angela suggests asking a different question: “What’s wrong with my situation—and how can i change it?”

In this conversation, Angela explains how to intentionally create situations that make success, better relationships, and positive change more likely. They explore how to recognize a culture that is holding you back, choose influential peers, find mentors without awkwardly asking someone to “be your mentor,” and design an environment that makes good decisions easier.

Angela also discusses what Taylor Swift understood about the power of place, how parents shape children through behavior rather than lectures, and how changing the situation helped Angela and her husband navigate a crisis in their marriage. The conversation concludes with a wider examination of political polarization, social media, smartphones, public education, and the environments that increasingly separate us from people who think differently.

Topics include:

• Why grit is necessary but not sufficient

• How your environment shapes your behavior and identity

• When perseverance becomes a reason to remain in the wrong situation

• How culture and peer groups influence career decisions• Practical strategies for finding mentors

• Parenting through modeling rather than lecturing

• Changing the situation instead of trying to change your spouse

• Social media, smartphones, and political polarization

• How to design surroundings that bring out your best

Get Angela Duckworth’s new book, Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best:https://www.angeladuckworth.com/situatedGet Angela's Best Selling Book Grit: https://www.angeladuckworth.com/grit

Angela Duckworth is a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and the author of the international bestseller Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, which has sold more than five million copies. Her new book is Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best.

Blake Mycoskie, founder of TOMS Shoes, joins Stan to discuss his entrepreneurial journey through the lens of negotiation, from losing The Amazing Race due to wrong assumptions to building TOMS’ one-for-one model that donated over 100 million pairs of shoes. He shares negotiation lessons from supply-chain struggles in Argentina and China, early PR-driven demand he couldn’t fulfill, and a costly Nordstrom deal he “won” by refusing boxes that later backfired. After selling TOMS for nearly $1B and moving to Jackson Hole, Blake describes losing purpose, falling into deep depression, and seeking external fixes before realizing fulfillment required inner work. He explains the role of community, reducing mental-health stigma, his No Magic Pill podcast, and his “Enough” bracelet nonprofit supporting mental-health causes.

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No Magic Pill Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@NoMagicPillwithBlakeMycoskie

Personal Website: https://blakemycoskie.com/Enough: https://blakemycoskie.com/enough

Morning Water: https://blakemycoskie.com/morning-water

00:00 External Success Inner Crash

00:43 Meet Blake And The Big Life

02:04 Amazing Race Lesson

04:14 Risk Conviction And Early Hustles

06:28 Argentina Spark And Career Advice

08:35 Supply Chain Negotiation Reality

13:22 LA Times Orders And Customer Emails

15:48 Retail Growth And Channel Control

17:39 Airport Fan Moment And Storytelling

21:10 Breaking Into Retail By Showing Up

23:36 Nordstrom Box Negotiation Backfire

24:59 Nordstrom Box Fiasco

25:51 Stubborn Values Lessons

27:56 Post Exit Purpose Crash

30:23 Core Wound Enoughness

32:08 No Magic Pill Podcast

39:37 Community Beats Stigma

46:00 Serve Others Daily

48:28 First Steps for Help

49:51 Enough Bracelet Movement

52:40 Closing Reflections

In this episode of All Things Negotiation, Stanford professor and former U.S. Ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul discusses the difference between autocrats and democrats. How leaders like Putin, Xi, and Trump think differently than leaders who seek to protect democratic institutions. As someone who has known Putin since before his rise to power, Ambassador Mcfaul explains why he is not interested in personal friendship with American leaders and how offering unilateral concessions yields nothing in return.

Ambassador McFaul reflects on the Obama-era Iran nuclear deal, arguing it successfully constrained Iran’s program and that Trump’s withdrawal accelerated Iran’s capacity while failing to meet stated objectives.

He explains how autocrats are paranoid about democratic ideas, and he traces Putin’s evolution and obsession with Ukraine.

The conversation covers leadership, U.S. polarization and isolationism, President Zelensky’s wartime transformation, the strategic importance of aiding Ukraine for European security and Taiwan deterrence, and how China uses international institutions and new multilateral bodies while maintaining a limited partnership with Russia.

Check out Michael’s new book: https://www.amazon.com/Autocrats-vs-Democrats-America-Disorder/dp/B0DW2GWHLQ

02:59 IRAN & THE NUCLEAR DEAL

06:21 UNDERSTANDING PUTIN

14:14 NEGOTIATING WITH PUTIN

18:47 TRUMP & THE AUTOCRATIC PLAYBOOK

22:38 NAVALNY

25:13 POSSIBLE BUMPER

28:21 BEGIN ENDING

28:28 UKRAINE & ZELENSKY

39:37 CHINA & XI

47:25 MOVE FORWARD

50:07 ALLIES & CLOSING

Stan talks with Roger Carstens, former U.S. Special Presidential Envoy for Hostage Affairs and ex–Army Ranger/Special Forces officer, about high-stakes hostage negotiations and the realities of persuading adversaries.

Carstens explains how the hostage office was created after U.S. failures in Syria, argues engagement is essential despite “we don’t negotiate” rhetoric, and reports his team helped bring home 65 Americans and over 250 non-Americans.

He details preparation methods, identifying true decision-makers, and the often tougher “interagency combat” inside Washington. Case discussions include Russia prisoner swaps involving Viktor Bout, expanding negotiations into a multi-country deal, efforts to include Alexei Navalny, and the importance of allies.

He describes President Biden’s deep involvement with Gaza hostage families, contrasts Iranian tactics with other states, and emphasizes trust, empathy, transparency, intuition, and creativity.

01:55 Military Roots of Negotiation

02:57 Special Forces Mindset

05:22 Hostage Envoy Office Origins

07:21 Why You Must Engage

09:38 Inside a Russia Swap Prep

10:50 Finding the Real Decision Makers

14:50 Interagency Friction and Resilience

17:00 Families as Creative Partners

19:53 What Makes a Fair Trade

24:05 Hardest Negotiation Is Internal

25:27 Victor Bout After Release

26:28 Enlarging the Swap With Allies

28:35 Navalny on the Table

33:18 Allies and Trust at the Top

34:10 Biden and Gaza Hostage Families

36:47 Tragedy on the Call

38:45 White House Takes Lead

40:26 Relationships First

41:42 Iranian Negotiation Games

44:02 Winning Over the Taliban

47:45 Maduro and Venezuela Lessons

53:07 Intuition and Judgment

58:28 China and Building Rapport

01:01:39 Surging Trust Fast

01:06:33 Lightning Round and Closing

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.

Stan interviews Christa Gannon about founding Fresh Lifelines for Youth (FLY) after volunteering with incarcerated teens and asking what could have prevented their involvement with the justice system.

A former UC Santa Barbara basketball All-American and Stanford Law graduate, Gannon describes negotiating with fear to take a nontraditional path, learning entrepreneurial lessons from sports, and using deep listening to co-design programs with youth around legal education, mentoring, and leadership development.

She discusses the demographics and trauma many justice-involved youth face, the use of role plays to teach life skills and conflict resolution, and the importance of authenticity, consistency, and humility in earning trust.

The conversation covers persuading system stakeholders and donors with shared goals, outcomes, and youth-centered storytelling, plus FLY’s results in reducing recidivism and building hope, and Gannon’s later transition from CEO and her work supporting leadership transitions.

Check out FLY: https://flyprogram.org

00:00 Vision Beyond Prison

00:22 Choosing a Different Path

02:29 Claiming the Torch

04:23 Athlete Mindset for Leadership

05:52 Juvenile Hall Catalyst

07:31 Founding FLY Mission

09:00 Credibility and Permission

10:49 Who the Youth Are

13:23 Deep Listening Co Creation

15:36 Teaching Through Role Plays1

8:21 Persuading Systems and Stakeholders

20:06 Authenticity Builds Buy In

23:02 Trust Story Football Mentor

25:34 Role Plays in Real Life

26:28 Mentor Program Lesson

27:51 Volunteer Consistency Matters

29:19 Parents Gangs Ripple Effects

31:56 Replacing Gang Belonging

32:34 Justice System Stakeholders

34:43 Donors Stories Ethics

39:10 Measuring Youth Outcomes

40:32 Teaching Conflict Skills

41:44 Meeting Kids Where They Are

44:34 Work Family Balance

48:29 Founder Transition Bridge

50:28 Transition Advice Closing

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.

Stan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively.

They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different.

The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning.

00:00 Intro

03:06 What Makes Talks Hard

04:30 Avoidance And Timing

06:53 Family Conversation Traps

08:54 Hero Villain Victim

10:06 Respond To Feelings

12:40 Switch Track Conversations

14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion

18:04 Loss

19:43 Intent Versus Impact

20:33 Comment Dilemma

23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson

27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution

29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization

33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide

34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist

38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth

42:36 Money Talks For Couples

49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning

51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools

54:58 Resources And Farewell

Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting

Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.

China expert Rush Doshi explains how the US should negotiate and compete with China amid deep mutual distrust and differing views of intentions.

Rush Doshi is regarded as one of the leading voices on US policy toward China, and he argues that China’s strategy shifts with its perception of American power—ebbing and flowing with the state of US policy decisions.

Stan and Rush discuss his insight from being in a key figure in the rooms of prior negotiations and how that shapes his view of the current state of US policies: what works and what doesn't.Rush points out the key weakness the US has when squaring up to China on the international stage, but he also shares what the US can do to win the competition.

Check out Rush's book: https://www.rushdoshi.com/thelonggame

01:41 China Reads US Power

03:00 From Biding Time To Boldness

04:16 Why Beijing Feels Confident

05:11 Managing Distrustful Talks

08:14 Biden Era Negotiation Phases

10:06 Trade War And Rare Earth Shock

13:58 Strategic Versus Tactical Bargaining

16:30 Scale Decides Great Powers

21:53 Allied Scale As The Answer

24:08 Using Leverage With Allies

25:24 Tariffs After Court Ruling

25:51 Allied Scale For Minerals

27:33 Sticks Versus Strategy

28:03 Domestic Politics And Blowback

30:45 Distraction And Strategic Opportunity

32:13 Taiwan Policy In Flux

34:22 Chips Deals And Credibility

37:27 Strategic Ambiguity And Stability

41:07 Managed Competition Framework

46:08 Russia Ukraine And China4

8:12 Making The Case At Home

50:27 Congress And Closing Thoughts

Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.