The best position isn’t necessarily the one that looks hottest in the Kama Sutra.

This week, Jay-Jay Feeney and Melissa Vranjes are getting into positions - several of them, and figure out what actually makes one feel GOOD.

Because different bodies like different things. You might not need a brand-new position altogether; maybe it’s a pillow, a tiny change in angle, a slower rhythm, more connection… or simply admitting, “Yeah, I hate this one.”

We talk about:

• Why there’s no single “best” position for women

• Comfort, connection and pleasure, and why they matter more than looking sexy

• Small adjustments that can completely change how a position feels

• Positions that allow more control over rhythm, pressure and depth

• Why spooning deserves more respect

• Why some popular positions can feel awkward, uncomfortable or just plain exhausting

• Pelvic floor tension and choosing positions where your body can relax

• How solo exploration can help you understand what works for you

• What to do when your partner LOVES a position that you really don’t

• Why novelty can be fun without every new position needing to end in fireworks

• And why Jay-Jay probably doesn’t need the Kama Sutra after all

Plus, Mel shares her favourite starting points for women who want more pleasure, comfort and connection, and Jay-Jay shares rather more about her own preferences than she probably intended.

The big takeaway? Stop worrying about what looks sexy and start paying attention to what FEELS sexy.

How To Have Sex is hosted by Jay-Jay Feeney and sex & relationship coach Melissa Vranjes.

Send us your questions, stories and awkward bedroom dilemmas through our socials — the links are below.

-------------------

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

Email: [email protected]

Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Freshly single and not sure where to even start? Jay-Jay and Mel get into everything about getting back into the dating scene: why so many women are done settling for less, why dating apps leave everyone feeling weirdly empty, and how to tell the difference between nerves and real chemistry on a first date (spoiler: your body genuinely can't tell them apart).

Plus: Mel's first-date story involving a 6:30am run, a firefighter, and a fart she could not hold in. It's not a serious episode start to finish - expect real advice and real laughs in equal measure.

They also cover flipping the confidence script so dating feels less like a job interview, why "friend-group dates" might be the underrated move, when (and how) to tell someone you've got kids, and what actually makes a date feel good.

If you're nervous about getting back out there, consider this your pep talk.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

Email: [email protected]

Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grab an extra pillow. Actually, grab a few …. this week there's a waiting list outside the bedroom door.

Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes are back in bed together for one of the most requested (and most avoided) topics yet: group sex. It turns out this has quietly been one of Mel's ultimate fantasies all along, and once she's finally cornered into admitting it, the conversation goes places…. including her actual, very unplanned real-life experience, and Jay-Jay's confession that she's had not one, not two, but three threesomes.

This episode is equal parts hilarious and genuinely useful. They dig into why the fantasy of "ten hot strangers" rarely survives contact with reality, what separates a threesome that's fun from one that quietly ends a relationship, and how jealousy shows up even when everyone agreed to the whole thing beforehand. They also get into the nuts and bolts nobody wants to ask about out loud: sexual health, testing, condom etiquette when there's more than two people involved, and what proper aftercare actually looks like once the night is over.

In this episode:

• Why the fantasy version of group sex (control, safety, zero logistics) is nothing like the real thing
• Mel's honest, cringe-and-all retelling of her one experience with multiple partners, and everything she'd do differently
• Jay-Jay finally spills on her three threesomes, including the one that felt like a "tag team" and the one that didn't
• The difference between having a fantasy and actually wanting to live it out
• Jealousy, the fear of loss underneath it, and why it can wreck a relationship even when everyone consented going in
• Whether it's easier to explore this single, in an open relationship, or with your long-term partner
• How to actually bring it up with a stranger, a partner, or at a bar without making it weird
• What sex parties are really like (and how people actually find them)
• The one question you need to ask yourself before saying yes to anyone else's fantasy: why do I actually want this?
• Sexual health real talk … testing, condoms between partners, and having that conversation before things get going
• Aftercare for more than two: what it looks like, why it matters, and how simple it can be
• What "liberating" actually means here (hint: it's not about how wild you get)

Whether group sex is a fantasy that's just for your own head, something you're curious to explore, or a story you've already got your own version of, this episode gives you the real talk, the pitfalls, and the tools to make it a good experience rather than a cautionary tale.

----------------------------------

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

Subscribe to our Substack: https://hthspodcast.substack.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

Email: [email protected]

Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How to Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland - https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS: Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach www.melissavranjes.com Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Congratulations, you got the kids to sleep! Now lock the door.... this episode is just getting started.

Jay-Jay Feeney and certified somatic sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes sit down for one of the most requested topics yet: how to actually have a sex life once you've got kids. Melissa is three months postpartum with her second baby and deep in the newborn trenches, so this one's personal, honest, and refreshingly unfiltered.

Together they unpack why parenthood doesn't kill your libido so much as it completely rewires it. From spontaneous desire to something Melissa calls "responsive desire," and from candlelit dates to a stolen 90 seconds between nappy changes.

In this episode:

• Why "need-driven touch" (hello, breastfeeding) can leave you touched out and not exactly craving more contact from your partner
• Spontaneous vs. responsive desire, and why waiting to "feel horny" first might be the whole problem
• "Chore Play": how unloading the dishwasher can genuinely be foreplay
• Melissa's raw, three-months-postpartum update on her own body, libido, and relationship
• Why exhaustion, not lack of attraction, is public enemy number one for parents' sex lives
• The gentle way she and her husband reconnected physically after birth, with zero pressure
• The "sex menu": a 5-minute, 10-minute and 30-minute system for intimacy on the busiest nights
• Getting your privacy back (a lock on the door is doing more heavy lifting than you'd think)
• "Sexual currency" - the small everyday moments that quietly build (or kill) desire
• Why obligatory sex causes more long-term damage than just... not having sex
• The weekly relationship check-in that keeps resentment from creeping in

Whether you're in the newborn haze, wrangling a toddler, or years into parenting and just want your spark back, consider this your permission slip to stop chasing your old sex life and start building a new one that actually fits this season.

Next week: How to Have Mind-Blowing Group Sex 👀

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mel is back in the saddle (well, the bed) after maternity leave, and she and Jay-Jay are diving straight into one of the most requested topics on the show: casual sex. Not the drunk, regretful, "what happened last night" kind; the confident, consensual, genuinely great kind.

This week they cover where to actually meet people now that everyone's exhausted by dating apps, why the word "slut" deserves a serious rebrand, and the very real hormonal reason women tend to catch feelings faster after a good hookup (sorry, it's science).

There's also the truth about STIs in retirement villages (yes, really), what to pack for a one-night stand, and Mel's confession about the "Caribbean man" fantasy that absolutely did not go to plan.

Funny, filthy in the best way, and genuinely useful.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Think you've never had an internal orgasm... or wondering if you're even capable of one? This week Jay-Jay and Mel are getting very hands-on (literally) with everything you need to know about internal, G-spot and cervical orgasms.

Mel breaks down why internal orgasms feel so different from clitoral ones, why they're harder to access, and why almost every woman has the anatomy to experience one (it's a skill you can learn, not a lottery you either win or lose).

They map out the G-spot, the A-spot, the cervix and a couple of letters you've probably never heard of, bust the myth that it's all about "technique," and share the embarrassing, awkward, and occasionally accidental stories of their own first orgasms (bike-related and otherwise).

Expect real talk on arousal and engorgement, why rushing straight to penetration rarely works, the "come here" motion everyone's Googling, breathwork, pelvic floor tricks, and a step-by-step game plan you can try tonight - solo or with a partner.

New episodes every week. Class is officially in session.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Been a while? No judgment here. Dust off the cobwebs, we've got you. This week Jay-Jay and Mel are talking dry spells: what actually counts as one, why they happen even in happy relationships, and how to come back from one without the pressure of "perfect" sex.

We bust the myth about your vagina supposedly "closing up" after a few dry years, unpack why going straight from zero to hero is a bad idea, and get into vaginismus, pelvic floor health, and why penetration might be the last thing you want to put back on the table. Then things get really interesting with a deep dive into body workers and internal mapping … Jay-Jay needed convincing this was a real job.

There's also a very relatable tangent about trying to reconnect with your partner while the dog watches from the end of the bed, plus practical tools: sexual currency, breathwork, self-pleasure as a way back in, and the exact question to ask a partner who's gone quiet on sex.

Whether you're single and out of practice or years deep in a relationship drift, this one's for you.

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever been genuinely attracted to someone and still felt... nothing? Or found a candle way more arousing than anything actually sexual? This week Jay-Jay and Mel dig into the real psychology of arousal: what turns you on, why it's not as simple as "just get in the mood," and how to figure out your own erotic blueprint.

Mel introduces the erotic mind map, a tool she uses with her one-on-one clients, and puts Jay-Jay through it live on the mic. What starts as a laugh turns into a surprisingly honest conversation about connection, desire, exhibitionism, and a confession involving a romantic liason on a golf course!

You'll learn the difference between liking a sex act and actually feeling turned on, how porn and pop culture shape what we think should arouse us, and a simple brakes and accelerators exercise you can try tonight.

Plus: a Wild Secrets giveaway!

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever been fully naked, fully touched, and but still mentally reviewing the grocery list? Welcome to the club. This week Jay-Jay and Mel unpack why so many of us check out during sex, even when everything happening is objectively hot.

They dig into the classic thinking-brain-versus-feeling-body problem, why meditation was never really about clearing your mind, the wild timing gap between when men and women tend to orgasm, and how old trauma responses like fawning can silently hijack your sex life without you noticing. Then Mel walks through her five go-to somatic tools, breath, awareness, movement, touch and sound, and demonstrates them live on the mic. Results: mixed, honest, very funny.

Plus: redefining the quickie (it does not have to mean five minutes flat), the truth about lube, and why your partner genuinely cannot read your mind, so stop expecting them to.

Homework included. Bring tissues, or don't, no judgment.

Got a confession or a question for the show? Send it in, we might read it out (anonymously, always).

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Confession time: we've both faked it. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

This week Jay-Jay and Mel get real about faking it, and we're not just talking about orgasms. We're talking about every quiet way we abandon ourselves in bed: nodding along, holding our breath, pretending we're way more flexible than we actually are.

Mel breaks down why faking it is actually a smart nervous-system survival strategy, not a character flaw, and how it quietly builds resentment and chore sex over time if left unchecked. We get into the four stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the one nobody talks about, fawn, plus real phrases to use instead of faking it, and how to take feedback from a partner without spiralling.

We also talk a little too much about swallowing.

By the end, you'll have real language to use tonight, a pleasure practice to try this week, and hopefully a little less pressure to perform and a little more permission to just be honest.

💌 Subscribe to our Substack for early episodes, our weekly pleasure practice and behind-the-scenes extras. 🎓

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HTHS for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

TIKTOK https://www.tiktok.com/@howtohaves.pod

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL [email protected]

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.