At the beginning of a new romance, we’re not worried about repeating the unhealthy patterns that ended our previous relationships. We tell ourselves that this one is different.

But statistics tell a different story.

The divorce rate is 41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% the third time around.

So, what’s behind those dismal statistics? And what can we do to heal a disappointing love life?

Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City. He also serves on the faculty of the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis.

Dr. Jordan founded the Love Life Learning Center to help people strengthen their ability to form and sustain healthy relationships, and he is the author of Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Jordan joins Katherine to discuss the three features of a disappointing love life, describing how we unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.

Dr. Jordan explains how to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in relationships, challenging us to set up a marriage that nurtures the love experience and grows over time.

Listen in to understand when your marriage can be saved and when it’s time to divorce—and learn the first steps to healing your disappointing love life.

Topics Covered

The unhealthy patterns Dr. Jordan noticed in his practice that inspired Learn to Love

Dr. Jordan’s 3 features of a disappointing love life—repetition, replication and recreation

The case study of a client whose childhood experience with a violent father informed her disappointing love life

How we can’t control our experience of love but can set up a relationship that nurtures that experience

What it looks like to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in love relationships

Dr. Jordan’s insight on the value in looking at divorce as a learning experience

How an awareness of your psychological love life serves as the foundation of a growing relationship

How to know whether your marriage can be saved or if it’s time for divorce

Why after divorce is a good time to ‘work on your love life’

The first steps to examining your own love life and moving it in a healthier direction

Connect with Dr. Thomas Jordan

Love Life Learning Center:

https://lovelifelearningcenter.com/

Love Life Learning Center on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/Dr.ThomasJordan/?ref=tn_tnmn

Love Life Learning Center on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/LLLearningCtr

Love Life Learning Center on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/lovelifelearningcenter/

Dr. Jordan on LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drthomasjordan/

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, PhD:

https://www.amazon.com/Learn-Love-Guide-Healing-Disappointing/dp/1543987877/ref=sr_1_1?crid=6UIMHWDD2O54&keywords=learn+to+love+guide+to+healing+your+disappointing+love+life&qid=1574997753&s=books&sprefix=Learn+to+Love,aps,147&sr=1-1