How to help your kid survive a bullying culture

Let’s take a look at some things you can do to prepare your kid to thrive in school and handle situations when confronted by bullying behavior.

Create a safe and respectful culture at home

Does your home contain a bully toxin? Do you tolerate bully behavior? Here are two areas to examine in your home:

Marriage interaction

Sibling behavior

Modeling, teaching, and coaching respectful behavior is paramount to surviving a bully culture. Often bullies in social settings act out what is exhibited in the home.

If your home is not a safe zone you need to address this problem otherwise you teach your kids that bullying is normal behavior that one either tolerates or exhibits without consequence.

Build your kid’s self-confidence by promoting healthy social behavior

Teach them basics of healthy social behavior: friendliness, kindness, sharing, supporting, loyalty

Teach them the basics of social boundaries:

respecting yourself – setting boundaries

Being assertive when others push on or cross personal boundaries

treating others with respect – honoring boundaries

Repairing offenses

Choosing friends who respect boundaries too

Monitor your kid’s acclamation to the school environment

Pay attention to their mood and behavior when they come home from school. Notice any change over time? Pay attention to patterns:

Moodiness

Withdrawn

Irritability

Isolation

Acting out on others

Physical signs – bruises, marks, cuts, etc…

Step in and begin a dialogue with your kid

Be calm and do not over-react. Keep your emotions in check. Speak with a tone of curiosity not inquisition. Describe the pattern you’re observing and do a check-in about adjustment to school.

You want to convey:

A non-threatening, non-judgmental, nor over-reactive posture

An intent to understand

Not take matters into your own hands, but work as a team to solve the problem

As they open up to disclose the bully behavior they are experiencing do the following:

Remain calm, keep emotions in check, and listen

Convey and understanding and validate emotions

Ask curiosity questions to get as much detail as possible (you want to document the incident(s))

Reassure them they did the right thing disclosing the bullying and that you are proud of their courage

Collaborate with your kid on problem-solving solutions to deal with the bullying behavior

Promote and reinforce concepts of self-respect and setting boundaries that ensure well-being and safety.

Help them understand in an age-appropriate manner the basic elements of power being displayed.

Bully power is about control.

Respectful power is about co-existing.

Reinforce the importance of not giving away power to someone trying to control you.

Discuss ways your kid can express respectful power by using an assertive voice to confront bully behavior.

Disarming the power responses. (See quick scripts below)

Confident eye contact with the bully.

Holding your position.

Walking away.

Consider the power of a friend to silently stand by your kid’s side when they confront a bully.

If pattern continues involve teachers or other school administrators.

Encourage your child to talk to the teacher

Have a meeting with the teacher

Inquire about the school bullying policy

Support groups, school campaigns, etc..

School social worker

Discover what your state’s policy and laws state...