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How to Keep Friends (Eva, Age 6)
Hi there,
Some kids are very good at making friends but have trouble maintaining friendships. On this week’s podcast episode, Eva’s simple but important question about how to keep friends inspires some thoughts about what it takes to keep a friendship alive. Take a listen and let me know what you think!
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 110 - Being apart from a friend (Matilda, Age 5)
Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend is feeling down (Mason, Age 13)
Ep. 90 - Friend breaks a promise (Alma, Age 7)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Dr. Friendtastic said that keeping a friendship involves 1) building up the positives in the relationship and 2) minimizing the negatives. Which of these do you think has a bigger impact on friendships, positive or negative interactions? Why?
Think of a time when you and a friend faced a friendship rough spot. What happened? How did you get past it?
What is one kind thing a friend has done for you?
What is one kind thing you have done for a friend?
Everyone loves the idea of “Best Friends Forever!” But according to a research review by François Poulin and Alessandra Chan, among first graders, only about half of their friendships last a full school year, and among fourth graders, one-fourth of their friendships don’t make it from September to June.
Yikes! What can you do to try to make sure your friendships don’t fall apart? Stay tuned!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Let’s hear today’s question:
Hello, I’m Eva, and I’m 6 years old, and my question is, how do you keep friends?
Hi, Eva! What a great question! Thank you for sending it in! Your question points to a very important fact: Making friends is not the same as keeping friends!
Making friends is about reaching out to someone you have things in common with to show you like them, and also being open to people who are reaching out to you.
Keeping friends is about continuing a friendship beyond the liking that brought you together at the start. It’s harder than making friends because it takes more effort.
What kind of effort?
Well, to keep a friendship going, you need to build up the positive parts of your relationship and minimize the negative parts.
On the positive side, you need to spend time with your friend doing things you both enjoy. That could mean playing together at recess or inviting her to get together for a playdate.
You could also do small acts of kindness for her, like saving her a seat on the bus, sharing your snack, or giving her a compliment like “You’re drawing is pretty!”
You could also listen to her, to get to know more about her and what she likes or doesn’t like. You could try to help or comfort her if she’s upset. For instance, if she drops her papers, you could help her pick them up. If she falls and hurts herself, you could help her go to a grown-up for a Band-Aid.
On the negative side, keeping friends means you have to handle those unavoidable rough spots that happen in every friendship.
Suppose your friend does something that makes you mad. Maybe you were playing a board game, and she cheated so she could win. Or maybe your friend decided to play with someone else at recess, and you felt hurt and left out.
In either case, you might be tempted to yell at her, tattle on her, or storm off and refuse to speak to her! Those impulses are understandable, but they won’t help you keep a friend.
When, not if, you and your friend have a disagreement, mistake, or misunderstanding, if your friendship’s going to last, you need to work through that rough spot. This might mean explaining what you want in a kind way and listening to what she wants. It might mean compromising, or apologizing, or just forgiving each other and trying again.
For instance, in the cheating situation, you could clarify the rules or suggest a different activity. If your friend is playing with someone else, you could join them or give your friend some space and play with someone else that day, then try again to play with your friend the next day.
Also, if you accidentally do something that makes your friend mad or hurts her feelings, you need to do what you can to make things right. That might mean explaining, apologizing, or figuring out a way to prevent it from happening again.
The key to keeping friends is to show them that they matter to you. That means you know them and care about them, so you’re willing to put in the effort to build up the good parts of your friendship and work through the rough spots.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
View all episodes
By Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhDHi there,
Some kids are very good at making friends but have trouble maintaining friendships. On this week’s podcast episode, Eva’s simple but important question about how to keep friends inspires some thoughts about what it takes to keep a friendship alive. Take a listen and let me know what you think!
Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
You might also like these podcast episodes:Ep. 110 - Being apart from a friend (Matilda, Age 5)
Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend is feeling down (Mason, Age 13)
Ep. 90 - Friend breaks a promise (Alma, Age 7)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Send in YOUR kid's question
Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your childFor a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Dr. Friendtastic said that keeping a friendship involves 1) building up the positives in the relationship and 2) minimizing the negatives. Which of these do you think has a bigger impact on friendships, positive or negative interactions? Why?
Think of a time when you and a friend faced a friendship rough spot. What happened? How did you get past it?
What is one kind thing a friend has done for you?
What is one kind thing you have done for a friend?
Everyone loves the idea of “Best Friends Forever!” But according to a research review by François Poulin and Alessandra Chan, among first graders, only about half of their friendships last a full school year, and among fourth graders, one-fourth of their friendships don’t make it from September to June.
Yikes! What can you do to try to make sure your friendships don’t fall apart? Stay tuned!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Let’s hear today’s question:
Hello, I’m Eva, and I’m 6 years old, and my question is, how do you keep friends?
Hi, Eva! What a great question! Thank you for sending it in! Your question points to a very important fact: Making friends is not the same as keeping friends!
Making friends is about reaching out to someone you have things in common with to show you like them, and also being open to people who are reaching out to you.
Keeping friends is about continuing a friendship beyond the liking that brought you together at the start. It’s harder than making friends because it takes more effort.
What kind of effort?
Well, to keep a friendship going, you need to build up the positive parts of your relationship and minimize the negative parts.
On the positive side, you need to spend time with your friend doing things you both enjoy. That could mean playing together at recess or inviting her to get together for a playdate.
You could also do small acts of kindness for her, like saving her a seat on the bus, sharing your snack, or giving her a compliment like “You’re drawing is pretty!”
You could also listen to her, to get to know more about her and what she likes or doesn’t like. You could try to help or comfort her if she’s upset. For instance, if she drops her papers, you could help her pick them up. If she falls and hurts herself, you could help her go to a grown-up for a Band-Aid.
On the negative side, keeping friends means you have to handle those unavoidable rough spots that happen in every friendship.
Suppose your friend does something that makes you mad. Maybe you were playing a board game, and she cheated so she could win. Or maybe your friend decided to play with someone else at recess, and you felt hurt and left out.
In either case, you might be tempted to yell at her, tattle on her, or storm off and refuse to speak to her! Those impulses are understandable, but they won’t help you keep a friend.
When, not if, you and your friend have a disagreement, mistake, or misunderstanding, if your friendship’s going to last, you need to work through that rough spot. This might mean explaining what you want in a kind way and listening to what she wants. It might mean compromising, or apologizing, or just forgiving each other and trying again.
For instance, in the cheating situation, you could clarify the rules or suggest a different activity. If your friend is playing with someone else, you could join them or give your friend some space and play with someone else that day, then try again to play with your friend the next day.
Also, if you accidentally do something that makes your friend mad or hurts her feelings, you need to do what you can to make things right. That might mean explaining, apologizing, or figuring out a way to prevent it from happening again.
The key to keeping friends is to show them that they matter to you. That means you know them and care about them, so you’re willing to put in the effort to build up the good parts of your friendship and work through the rough spots.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.
Never miss a post! Subscribe NOW!
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.