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How to Love Your Partner in Their Shadows While Setting Boundaries
Join our new Masterclass offering for individuals and couples wanting to reopen their hearts after conflict.
👉Sign up HERE: https://www.thesacredwe.com/rupture-and-repair
In this episode of The Sacred We, Mike and Courtney go into some of the most honest, vulnerable territory they've shared yet. Mike's shadow: the numbness and freeze that comes from losing two primary attachments before his first birthday -- and how his body stopped showing signs of wanting connection even when he desperately craves it. Courtney's shadow: a fierce, protective fight response to masculine energy, forged through a childhood where she had to battle hard to protect herself.
And then they get into the real work: what it looks like to actually love a partner in their shadow -- not fix it, not flee from it, not enable it -- but be in a real, boundaried, tender relationship with it. Together.
What "relating with your partner's shadow" actually means -- and why "they just need to do their own work" misses the whole point of intimacy
Mike's shadow -- the freeze and disconnect pattern -- what it looks like from the outside (blank face, no visual cues) and what's actually happening inside (deep longing for connection)
Courtney's shadow -- the fear of the masculine -- the fierce protector that had to fight hard to survive, and what it means to come into relationship with a man who embodies power
Love without enabling -- why letting the shadow drive the bus destroys the relationship, and how to hold both love AND boundary at the same time
The mirror and reflect practice -- how Courtney names what she sees ("you feel far away") to help Mike access what his own body can't show him
Making requests instead of managing -- how to invite your partner out of the shadow by asking for what you actually need, rather than pushing against what they're not giving
How your partner's shadow is your teacher -- why the places they trigger you most are the exact places you get to love yourself better
The gift of staying -- what becomes possible after years of learning each other's shadows that no shorter, easier relationship could give you
Go Deeper With Mike & Courtney:
The Initiated Man -- Mike's men's community for men who are ready to understand and move through their own shadows -- in the company of other men who get it. itsmikeelliott.com/TIM
Work With Mike & Courtney -- Private couples work and individual offerings for those ready to go all the way in.
https://www.thesacredwe.com/2-2-container-details
👉Sign up for our couples list HERE: https://www.thesacredwe.com/thesacredwe
💛 Work with Mike & Courtney 2:2 →https://www.thesacredwe.com/2-2-container-details
Work with Mike → https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coaching
Work with Courtney → https://www.courtneywren.com/rebirth
📺Subscribe to our YouTube Channel → https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast
🏹Join the Initiated Man →https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/TIM
Donation link 👇🙏🏼❤️🌏
https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VWHABJWZ749X4
Email:
Website:
www.itsmikeelliott.com
https://www.thesacredwe.com/thesacredwe
www.courtneywren.com
Instagram:
@MikeElliott.Relating
@courtneywren.relating
View all episodes
By Michael Elliott and Courtney WrenJoin our new Masterclass offering for individuals and couples wanting to reopen their hearts after conflict.
👉Sign up HERE: https://www.thesacredwe.com/rupture-and-repair
In this episode of The Sacred We, Mike and Courtney go into some of the most honest, vulnerable territory they've shared yet. Mike's shadow: the numbness and freeze that comes from losing two primary attachments before his first birthday -- and how his body stopped showing signs of wanting connection even when he desperately craves it. Courtney's shadow: a fierce, protective fight response to masculine energy, forged through a childhood where she had to battle hard to protect herself.
And then they get into the real work: what it looks like to actually love a partner in their shadow -- not fix it, not flee from it, not enable it -- but be in a real, boundaried, tender relationship with it. Together.
What "relating with your partner's shadow" actually means -- and why "they just need to do their own work" misses the whole point of intimacy
Mike's shadow -- the freeze and disconnect pattern -- what it looks like from the outside (blank face, no visual cues) and what's actually happening inside (deep longing for connection)
Courtney's shadow -- the fear of the masculine -- the fierce protector that had to fight hard to survive, and what it means to come into relationship with a man who embodies power
Love without enabling -- why letting the shadow drive the bus destroys the relationship, and how to hold both love AND boundary at the same time
The mirror and reflect practice -- how Courtney names what she sees ("you feel far away") to help Mike access what his own body can't show him
Making requests instead of managing -- how to invite your partner out of the shadow by asking for what you actually need, rather than pushing against what they're not giving
How your partner's shadow is your teacher -- why the places they trigger you most are the exact places you get to love yourself better
The gift of staying -- what becomes possible after years of learning each other's shadows that no shorter, easier relationship could give you
Go Deeper With Mike & Courtney:
The Initiated Man -- Mike's men's community for men who are ready to understand and move through their own shadows -- in the company of other men who get it. itsmikeelliott.com/TIM
Work With Mike & Courtney -- Private couples work and individual offerings for those ready to go all the way in.
https://www.thesacredwe.com/2-2-container-details
👉Sign up for our couples list HERE: https://www.thesacredwe.com/thesacredwe
💛 Work with Mike & Courtney 2:2 →https://www.thesacredwe.com/2-2-container-details
Work with Mike → https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/coaching
Work with Courtney → https://www.courtneywren.com/rebirth
📺Subscribe to our YouTube Channel → https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast
🏹Join the Initiated Man →https://www.itsmikeelliott.com/TIM
Donation link 👇🙏🏼❤️🌏
https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=VWHABJWZ749X4
Email:
Website:
www.itsmikeelliott.com
https://www.thesacredwe.com/thesacredwe
www.courtneywren.com
Instagram:
@MikeElliott.Relating
@courtneywren.relating