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How to Overcome Codependency in Your Marriage
You've probably heard the term codependency before. I'd heard of it but really didn't know about it until my husband and I began not only working on ourselves but also on our marriage. I didn't realize I was a textbook codependent.
Codependent relationships are one-sided, where one person relies on the other for meeting virtually all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. A codependent marriage is out of balance.
A healthy marriage is mutually interdependent. Both spouses share responsibilities, are responsible for themselves, and help each other achieve goals. Still, they don't try to control each other or get all of their emotional needs met solely from the marriage.
If you are codependent in your relationship, it is toxic and draining. Why? Because you are giving your power away by depending on someone else's approval or actions to make you feel okay or valuable.
You know, I like to understand why I am the way I am because it helps me get to the bottom of the issue so I can deal with it from a place of knowledge and awareness.
So, first, let's talk about the underlying cause of codependency.
Low self-esteem.
When we look to others to feel good about ourselves, we have others-esteem instead of self-esteem. It's like having an empty tank and expecting someone else to fill it up. That is some shaky ground because you are relying on another person to tell you you are worthy. If they don't, you feel worthless. If you don't get the praise or affirmation you want, you are a failure. If you disappoint someone, you are a failure. Some people with low self-esteem may even appear over-confident on the outside to mask the feeling of worthlessness. That was me. That's what I call having a big ego with no self-esteem.
You know much of our self-esteem is the result of our childhood. Suppose a person of authority over you, even friends and family members, gave you negative messages about yourself by putting you down or shaming you. You may have accepted those messages as truth. And it skews how we see ourselves.
For complete show notes to this episode, you can go to http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/33
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By Deanna BryantYou've probably heard the term codependency before. I'd heard of it but really didn't know about it until my husband and I began not only working on ourselves but also on our marriage. I didn't realize I was a textbook codependent.
Codependent relationships are one-sided, where one person relies on the other for meeting virtually all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. A codependent marriage is out of balance.
A healthy marriage is mutually interdependent. Both spouses share responsibilities, are responsible for themselves, and help each other achieve goals. Still, they don't try to control each other or get all of their emotional needs met solely from the marriage.
If you are codependent in your relationship, it is toxic and draining. Why? Because you are giving your power away by depending on someone else's approval or actions to make you feel okay or valuable.
You know, I like to understand why I am the way I am because it helps me get to the bottom of the issue so I can deal with it from a place of knowledge and awareness.
So, first, let's talk about the underlying cause of codependency.
Low self-esteem.
When we look to others to feel good about ourselves, we have others-esteem instead of self-esteem. It's like having an empty tank and expecting someone else to fill it up. That is some shaky ground because you are relying on another person to tell you you are worthy. If they don't, you feel worthless. If you don't get the praise or affirmation you want, you are a failure. If you disappoint someone, you are a failure. Some people with low self-esteem may even appear over-confident on the outside to mask the feeling of worthlessness. That was me. That's what I call having a big ego with no self-esteem.
You know much of our self-esteem is the result of our childhood. Suppose a person of authority over you, even friends and family members, gave you negative messages about yourself by putting you down or shaming you. You may have accepted those messages as truth. And it skews how we see ourselves.
For complete show notes to this episode, you can go to http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/33