What happens when you desperately want to give your children the secure childhood you never had, but you have no instincts to guide you? Raising securely attached kids becomes incredibly complex when your own childhood left you with PTSD, depression, or chronic feelings of never being enough. Today I'm sitting down with Eli Harwood, the attachment expert.

Together we explore why chronic childhood neglect often creates more lasting damage than single traumatic events, and how even well-intentioned parents can pass on trauma. Eli shares her personal journey of growing up with a mother who had severe PTSD and how that shaped her understanding of attachment. We discuss the difference between hovering and true presence, why your inner child might feel jealous of your actual children, and how to recognize when you're parenting from a place of your own unresolved wounds.

Most importantly, we talk about how to break these generational patterns without falling into perfectionism or shame. This episode is a guide for any parent who's determined to raise securely attached kids, even when they're still healing themselves.

1. Why does chronic emotional neglect in childhood affect your parenting more than you might realize?
2. What should you do when your inner child feels jealous of the care you're giving your own children?
3. Why is feedback from your children so triggering when you grew up with an insecure attachment?
4. How can you develop parenting instincts when your childhood didn't provide you with a healthy template?
5. Why do we need other adults in our lives to help us regulate?
6. What does "I got you AND you got you" really mean in raising securely attached kids?
7. How do you handle the grief of watching your children grow and need you less when attachment was your biggest wound?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/15/how-to-raise-sec…with-eli-harwood/