What if the very fact that you’re worried about passing on your trauma means you probably won’t?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Frank Putnam, one of the world’s leading researchers on child maltreatment, dissociation, and intergenerational trauma, for a profound and deeply hopeful conversation about what really happens to the brain and body after childhood abuse… and what actually breaks the cycle.

Dr. Putnam shares insights from his 35+ year longitudinal study following sexually abused girls across generations, along with what he’s learned from decades of clinical work and trauma intervention. We talk about dissociation as a survival response, why trauma accelerates biological aging, and the single most important factor that predicts whether abuse gets passed down.

Yes, trauma leaves marks; psychologically, relationally, even biologically. But no, it does not make harm inevitable. In fact, most survivors do not go on to maltreat their children. And the difference often comes down to one powerful act: acknowledging what happened.

If you’ve ever felt damaged, polluted, afraid you’re doomed to repeat what you lived through, this episode offers science-backed hope.

1. Why 70% of parents with maltreatment histories do not go on to abuse their children
2. The single most important factor that reduces intergenerational transmission of trauma
3. What dissociation actually is (fight, flight… and freeze) and why it can feel calming
4. When dissociation becomes adaptive and when it starts interfering with life
5. How parenting helps children develop integration between emotional “states”
6. What happens biologically after childhood trauma including accelerated puberty, immune disruption, and epigenetic aging
7. Why trauma survivors often experience autoimmune disorders, chronic illness, or early health decline
8. Whether biological aging from trauma is reversible
9. The role of CBT and TF-CBT in healing trauma
10. Why “self-care is childcare” isn’t cliché; it’s neuroscience

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

You can find Dr. Frank Putnam’s book Old Before Their Time wherever books are sold. His earlier work, The Way We Are, explores personality, state transitions, and integration.

What if stepping away from a harmful family relationship wasn’t an act of betrayal, but an act of healing?

In this episode, I’m joined by Eamon Dolan, author of The Power of Parting and longtime book editor, for a deeply honest conversation about childhood abuse, estrangement, boundaries, and what it really means to break generational cycles.

Eamon shares his personal journey of growing up with severe psychological and physical abuse, the long road to recognizing how deeply it shaped his inner voice, and the courageous process of setting boundaries with a parent who could not, or would not, change. Together, we explore why estrangement is so often misunderstood, why shame and silence keep so many people trapped, and how anger can be a powerful source of clarity.

1. Why is estrangement from family almost never impulsive, and what usually leads people to that decision?
2. How does childhood abuse create an internal critical voice that follows us into adulthood?
3. Why do shame and isolation keep so many survivors silent about family trauma?
4. How can anger help identify boundaries instead of turning into rage or withdrawal?
5. Is giving parents or relatives feedback about harm an act of disrespect or an act of self-respect?
6. How does becoming a parent change the way survivors understand their own childhood abuse?
7. Why don’t boundaries destroy family relationships and how can they actually protect them?
8. Can choosing distance from harmful family members help ensure our trauma doesn’t get passed on to our children?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

Connect with Eamon Dolan on Instagram @eamondolan and check out Eamon's new book The Power of Parting

What if the very act of nurturing your child could rewire your traumatized brain? Today I explore how parenting changes your brain with neuroscientist and author Greer Kirshenbaum. As someone who couldn't co-sleep because of my PTSD flashbacks, I was deeply moved by what Greer revealed about the science of parental transformation.

We discuss why some parents feel disconnected from their bodies and struggle with physical closeness, yet still can create secure attachments with their babies. Greer shares surprising research about what happens in both parent and baby brains during those early years, and why your perceived "failures" as a parent might actually be completely irrelevant to your child. 

We also tackle the tough questions—what if you never learned how to nurture because you weren't nurtured yourself? What if trauma makes traditional bonding advice impossible to follow? This conversation gave me a completely new perspective on my own parenting journey and the healing that happened without me even realizing it.

1. What specific brain regions transform when you become a parent, and why can scientists identify parents just by looking at 70-year-old brains?
2. How does parenting change your brain differently for birthing parents versus non-birthing parents?
3. Can nurturing your baby actually heal your own childhood trauma and create the secure attachment you never had?
4. What if you can't co-sleep or struggle with physical touch due to PTSD—are there alternatives that still foster connection?
5. Why do babies in the NICU still recognize their parents, and what simple voice recording technique helped me bond with my medically fragile newborn?
6. If you never received nurturing as a child, how can you learn to parent differently without an internal working model?
7. How does parenting change your brain to see your body differently—why did I finally love my body only after becoming a mother?
8. Why does your baby think you're perfect even when you hate your body or feel like a failure?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/11/12/how-parenting-changes-your-brain-dr-greer-kirshenbaum-explains-the-science-of-healing-trauma-through-nurturing/

What if your childhood trauma isn't just yours to carry? What if emotional inheritance means your kids are already carrying pieces of it too? 

Today I'm talking with Dr. Galit Atlas, whose book "Emotional Inheritance" completely changed how I think about the invisible legacies we pass to our children. We get real about something that happened to both of us: being told we couldn't possibly have PTSD because we were "too functional." (Spoiler: that's not how trauma works.) We explore why some parents literally can't tolerate their baby's crying - not because they're bad parents, but because their own pain was never held. Dr. Atlas shares the story of Naomi, a patient who insisted she had perfect parents but couldn't figure out why she felt like an outsider everywhere. We talk about the burden of parents who say "I just want you to be happy" and why sitting with your child's pain matters more than fixing it. 

Plus, we discuss how therapy might actually change your gene expression (yes, really) and why even the angriest, most difficult parts of what we inherited can become something different in our children's lives.

1. What does emotional inheritance really mean, and why does Dr. Atlas call therapy an "epigenetic drug" that can actually change how our genes express themselves?
2. Why do trauma survivors often struggle to recognize their own trauma, especially when they compare themselves to their parents' experiences?
3. What happens when well-meaning parents who desperately want their children to "just be happy" accidentally create a different kind of burden?
4. Why is sitting with your child's pain more important than fixing it, and how does this relate to emotional inheritance patterns?
5. What is mentalization, and how does one patient's reaction to a creepy doll reveal the profound impact of never experiencing true attunement?
6. Why is the ability to integrate both the positive and negative aspects of our family legacy essential for breaking unhealthy cycles?
7. What resilience and survival skills do we inherit alongside trauma, and how can we consciously pass on the strengths while healing the wounds?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/29/emotional-inheri…h-dr-galit-atlas/

What happens when you desperately want to give your children the secure childhood you never had, but you have no instincts to guide you? Raising securely attached kids becomes incredibly complex when your own childhood left you with PTSD, depression, or chronic feelings of never being enough. Today I'm sitting down with Eli Harwood, the attachment expert.

Together we explore why chronic childhood neglect often creates more lasting damage than single traumatic events, and how even well-intentioned parents can pass on trauma. Eli shares her personal journey of growing up with a mother who had severe PTSD and how that shaped her understanding of attachment. We discuss the difference between hovering and true presence, why your inner child might feel jealous of your actual children, and how to recognize when you're parenting from a place of your own unresolved wounds.

Most importantly, we talk about how to break these generational patterns without falling into perfectionism or shame. This episode is a guide for any parent who's determined to raise securely attached kids, even when they're still healing themselves.

1. Why does chronic emotional neglect in childhood affect your parenting more than you might realize?
2. What should you do when your inner child feels jealous of the care you're giving your own children?
3. Why is feedback from your children so triggering when you grew up with an insecure attachment?
4. How can you develop parenting instincts when your childhood didn't provide you with a healthy template?
5. Why do we need other adults in our lives to help us regulate?
6. What does "I got you AND you got you" really mean in raising securely attached kids?
7. How do you handle the grief of watching your children grow and need you less when attachment was your biggest wound?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/15/how-to-raise-sec…with-eli-harwood/

Have you ever caught yourself yelling at your kids and thought, "I sound just like my parents"? Peaceful parenting offers a different path—one that breaks the cycle of fear-based discipline without becoming permissive. I sit down with Sarah Rosensweet, certified peaceful parenting coach and founder of Reimagined Peaceful Parenting, to explore how we can set firm limits with empathy, even when our own childhoods were anything but peaceful.

Sarah shares practical strategies for those morning battles over getting dressed, sibling fights that push every button, and why your "disobedient" child might actually be showing healthy development. We discuss the difference between dropping old authoritarian tools versus replacing them with connection-based approaches, how to build what Sarah calls the "goodwill bank" with your children, and why forcing a three-year-old to clean up spilled macaroni won't make them a helpful adult.

If you're exhausted from power struggles and want to parent differently than you were raised but don't know where to start, this conversation gives you tools for peaceful parenting.

1. What's the difference between peaceful parenting and just giving up on discipline altogether?
2. How do you get your strong-willed toddler dressed without it becoming World War III every morning?
3. Why does a child behave perfectly at school but fall apart at home - and is that actually okay?
4. What can you do when sibling fights trigger memories of your own childhood conflicts?
5. How do you explain to your partner that yelling isn't working when that's how they were raised?
6. What is the "goodwill bank" concept and how does it help with teenage cooperation?
7. How can you stay calm when your kids push every button you didn't even know you had?
8. What's the real reason kids fight with their siblings (hint: it's not about the toy)?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/01/peaceful-parenti…sarah-rosensweet/

What happens when mindful parenting feels impossible because you're still having nightmares about your own childhood? Today I'm talking with Hunter Clarke-Fields, bestselling author and host of the world's top parenting podcast. 

We get real about the shame of being the mom with the temper when society expects you to regulate everyone's emotions. Hunter shares how she went from cowering behind doors as a child to repeating her father's rage—until she discovered it was her nervous system, not her character, causing those explosive moments. We discuss why parenting books feel like guides from the lobby to the first floor when you're stuck in the sub-basement, and how self-compassion becomes your ladder out. 

Hunter explains her concept of "yelling skillfully," why being a perfect parent would actually damage your kids, and how practicing mindfulness in calm moments prepares you for the chaos. If you've ever felt like a failure because you can't just implement that great parenting advice, this conversation will change everything about how you approach those triggered moments.

1. How can post-traumatic parents implement mindful parenting practices to reduce reactivity and yelling?
2. Why is self-compassion the necessary first step before trying to change your parenting behaviors?
3. How does the expectation of "perfect parenting" actually harm both parents and children?
4. What role does authentic emotional expression play in creating healthy parent-child relationships?
5. How can mindful parenting practices help interrupt patterns of reactivity that we inherited from our own parents?
6. Why do traditional parenting resources often fail post-traumatic parents?
7. How can we model healthy emotional regulation for our children even when we're struggling?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/09/17/how-to-parent-wi…er-clarke-fields/

Have you ever struggled with intense emotions while parenting that seem to come out of nowhere? In today's episode, I sit down with Bonnie Weiss, an internationally known trainer in Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS). 

I was blown away by Bonnie's compassionate approach to understanding the complex parts within us that influence our parenting. She explains how IFS helps separate our reactive "parts" from our true self, allowing us to parent with more awareness and less shame. We explore how generational trauma creates "legacy burdens" that affect our parenting and discover practical techniques to release these burdens. What really resonated with me was Bonnie's explanation of how self-compassion enables us to become more curious about our children's behaviors instead of just reacting to them. 

If you're a parent who sometimes feels overwhelmed by anger, perfectionism, or shame, this conversation offers a gentle roadmap toward healing that will benefit both you and your children.

1. What exactly is Internal Family Systems therapy?
2. How can parents identify and work with the different "parts" of themselves that show up during challenging parenting moments?
3. What are "legacy burdens" and how can we prevent passing them to our children?
4. How does Internal Family Systems therapy's unique approach to healing generational trauma work in practice?
5. How can we handle parts of ourselves that we're ashamed of and don't want to accept?
6. How does becoming curious about ourselves help us become more curious about our children?
7. What resources are available for parents who want to try Internal Family Systems techniques but can't access therapy?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/08/25/when-your-parts-…ng-trauma-cycles/

Are you struggling with a child whose aggression triggers your own trauma responses? In today's episode on parenting boys peacefully, I'm joined by Tosha Schore, parenting coach and founder of the Parenting Boys Peacefully Project, to talk about how aggression is often fear in disguise.

Tosha will share her mission of creating a more peaceful world "one sweet boy at a time" and offer practical ways to set loving limits without shaming our children. We'll discuss how our own trauma triggers can interfere with responding calmly, and Tosha introduces the concept of "listening partnerships" to help heal our reactions. As post-traumatic parents, knowing how to step in physically rather than lecture can make all the difference.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed by your child's aggressive behavior or struggled to know what to do when talking just makes things worse, this conversation will help you see your child's behavior—and your own reactions—in a whole new light.

1. What drives Tosha to help parents of boys with challenging behaviors, and how is she connecting her work Parenting Boys Peacefully to creating a more peaceful world?
2. Why is aggression often "fear in disguise," and how does understanding this help us respond with empathy rather than punishment?
3. How can setting "loving limits" look different from traditional discipline, and why does moving in physically rather than talking too much work better?
4. How can parents who feel triggered by their child's aggression find ways to stay present without getting overwhelmed?
5. Why does trying to talk children out of their feelings often backfire, and what alternatives work better?
6. How can parents experiment with different approaches instead of feeling locked into one "right way" of parenting boys peacefully?
7. How does society view aggression differently in boys versus girls, and what impact does this have on how we respond?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/08/20/parenting-boys-peacefully-helping-boys-express-emotions-safely

What if your "good" childhood still left emotional scars that impact your parenting? Emotional intelligence parenting requires us to confront our own histories, even when they seem picture-perfect on the surface. In today's episode, I speak with Stephanie Pinto, author of "From Chaos to Connection," who shares her remarkable story of how her body literally shut down through fainting episodes because she couldn't process certain emotions.

We’ll discuss how well-meaning parents can unintentionally create emotional voids by teaching children to suppress "unacceptable" feelings. Stephanie will explain how naming emotions gives children crucial language for their inner experiences and demonstrates what true co-regulation looks like with concrete examples from her own family. You'll hear about emotion wheels, the polyvagal theory, and simple techniques to help children express big feelings safely. Most touchingly, Stephanie reveals how her personal struggles became her greatest strength as a parent.

So if you've ever felt overwhelmed by your child's emotions or wondered why certain situations trigger extreme reactions in yourself, this conversation offers hope and steps forward.

1. What is emotional intelligence parenting?
2. How can trauma exist even in what we consider "good" childhoods?
3. What happens in our bodies when we don't process emotions properly?
4. Why is naming our emotions such a powerful tool for both adults and children?
5. How can parents stay present with a child's big emotions without shutting them down?
6. What does co-regulation look like in practice with an overwhelmed child?
7. Why might our bodies "take us out" when emotions become too overwhelming?
8. How can we turn our own struggles with emotional regulation into strengths as parents?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.

For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/06/10/emotional-intell…-stephanie-pinto