Post Traumatic Parenting

What if the pressure to “get parenting right” is actually coming from your trauma?

In this powerful and deeply validating conversation, I sit down with Stephanie Foo, author of What My Bones Know, to unpack what it really means to parent while healing from complex PTSD.

Together, we explore the intense fear many trauma survivors carry into parenting; the belief that one wrong move could damage their child forever. We also discuss how modern parenting culture often amplifies that fear instead of easing it.

Stephanie shares her personal journey of becoming a mother while navigating C-PTSD, including the anxiety, perfectionism, and overwhelming pressure to control every outcome.

This episode is a must listen for anyone who has ever wondered:

“Am I messing up my child?”

Topics covered in this episode:

• Why “perfect parenting” is often a trauma response
• The hidden ways parenting advice can prey on vulnerable moms
• The difference between child distress and actual harm
• Why control doesn’t create safety (and what does instead)
• How C-PTSD shows up in parenting from hyper-attunement to dissociation
• The truth about attachment (hint: you only need to get it right ~30% of the time)
• The role of repair, not perfection, in raising resilient children

About the Guest:

Stephanie Foo is the author of the bestselling memoir What My Bones Know, where she chronicles her journey of healing from complex PTSD. Her work has helped bring C-PTSD into mainstream conversation, giving voice to experiences that were long misunderstood or overlooked. To read more about Stephanie, and to buy a copy of her book, you can visit her website here.

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

What if the deepest wound a child carries isn’t what happened to them, but the feeling that they don’t matter?

In this episode, I speak with John Miles, host of the Passion Struck podcast and author of You Matter, Luma, to explore the hidden impact of emotional invisibility, achievement culture, and what it really means for a child to feel seen.

John shares his personal journey from high-achieving executive to feeling “invisible” in his own life, and how that experience led him to a deeper mission: helping children and adults reclaim their sense of mattering.

Together, we unpack why so many trauma survivors become high achievers, how “good” and compliant kids are often overlooked, and why feeling seen (not just safe or successful) is foundational to healing.

This conversation is a must-listen for any parent who wants to break generational cycles and raise children who know, deep down, that they matter.

Topics covered in this episode:

• What it means to “disappear” in your own life and why it happens
• The difference between belonging vs. mattering
• Why high-achieving environments can actually erase identity
• How childhood trauma can lead to achievement-based self-worth
• The hidden struggle of quiet, compliant kids
• Why being “easy” doesn’t mean a child is okay
• The concept of the "mattering gap"
• How emotional invisibility impacts long-term mental health

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

To connect with John Miles, click here to visit his website. You can also visit the website You Matter, Luma to buy a copy of his recently released book!

What if the symptoms you’re ashamed of once saved your life?

In this powerful and deeply human episode, I sit down with Sally Maslansky, LMFT author of A Brilliant Adaptation and longtime patient of Daniel J. Siegel, to explore dissociation, DID, adoption, attachment, and what it truly means to make sense of your story so your child doesn’t have to carry it.

Sally shares her extraordinary journey of living with Dissociative Identity Disorder — and fully healing from it — through relational, attachment-based therapy. We talk about:

• Why DID is not what movies portray it to be
• What dissociation actually is (and why it’s often brilliant)
• How parenting can awaken unresolved trauma
• The difference between protecting your child from their story… and helping them make sense of it
• Why behavior is almost never “bad”
• How repair transforms parenting
• And why relationships cause harm — but relationships also heal it

Sally’s story reminds us that dissociation isn’t pathology, it’s adaptation. And healing doesn’t require perfection — it requires safety, relationship, and the courage to face your own story.

This episode is for you if you’ve ever wondered:

• “Am I broken?”
• “Why does parenting trigger me?”
• “Can trauma really heal?”
• “Is integration actually possible?”

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

Connect with Sally Maslansky, LMFT at her website sallymaslansky.com and check out Sally Maslansky's book A Brilliant Adaptation: How Dissociative Identity Disorder & the Power of the Therapeutic Bond Saved Me

What if the very fact that you’re worried about passing on your trauma means you probably won’t?

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Frank Putnam, one of the world’s leading researchers on child maltreatment, dissociation, and intergenerational trauma, for a profound and deeply hopeful conversation about what really happens to the brain and body after childhood abuse… and what actually breaks the cycle.

Dr. Putnam shares insights from his 35+ year longitudinal study following sexually abused girls across generations, along with what he’s learned from decades of clinical work and trauma intervention. We talk about dissociation as a survival response, why trauma accelerates biological aging, and the single most important factor that predicts whether abuse gets passed down.

Yes, trauma leaves marks; psychologically, relationally, even biologically. But no, it does not make harm inevitable. In fact, most survivors do not go on to maltreat their children. And the difference often comes down to one powerful act: acknowledging what happened.

If you’ve ever felt damaged, polluted, afraid you’re doomed to repeat what you lived through, this episode offers science-backed hope.

1. Why 70% of parents with maltreatment histories do not go on to abuse their children
2. The single most important factor that reduces intergenerational transmission of trauma
3. What dissociation actually is (fight, flight… and freeze) and why it can feel calming
4. When dissociation becomes adaptive and when it starts interfering with life
5. How parenting helps children develop integration between emotional “states”
6. What happens biologically after childhood trauma including accelerated puberty, immune disruption, and epigenetic aging
7. Why trauma survivors often experience autoimmune disorders, chronic illness, or early health decline
8. Whether biological aging from trauma is reversible
9. The role of CBT and TF-CBT in healing trauma
10. Why “self-care is childcare” isn’t cliché; it’s neuroscience

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

You can find Dr. Frank Putnam’s book Old Before Their Time wherever books are sold. His earlier work, The Way We Are, explores personality, state transitions, and integration.

What if stepping away from a harmful family relationship wasn’t an act of betrayal, but an act of healing?

In this episode, I’m joined by Eamon Dolan, author of The Power of Parting and longtime book editor, for a deeply honest conversation about childhood abuse, estrangement, boundaries, and what it really means to break generational cycles.

Eamon shares his personal journey of growing up with severe psychological and physical abuse, the long road to recognizing how deeply it shaped his inner voice, and the courageous process of setting boundaries with a parent who could not, or would not, change. Together, we explore why estrangement is so often misunderstood, why shame and silence keep so many people trapped, and how anger can be a powerful source of clarity.

1. Why is estrangement from family almost never impulsive, and what usually leads people to that decision?
2. How does childhood abuse create an internal critical voice that follows us into adulthood?
3. Why do shame and isolation keep so many survivors silent about family trauma?
4. How can anger help identify boundaries instead of turning into rage or withdrawal?
5. Is giving parents or relatives feedback about harm an act of disrespect or an act of self-respect?
6. How does becoming a parent change the way survivors understand their own childhood abuse?
7. Why don’t boundaries destroy family relationships and how can they actually protect them?
8. Can choosing distance from harmful family members help ensure our trauma doesn’t get passed on to our children?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

Connect with Eamon Dolan on Instagram @eamondolan and check out Eamon's new book The Power of Parting

What if the very act of nurturing your child could rewire your traumatized brain? Today I explore how parenting changes your brain with neuroscientist and author Greer Kirshenbaum. As someone who couldn't co-sleep because of my PTSD flashbacks, I was deeply moved by what Greer revealed about the science of parental transformation.

We discuss why some parents feel disconnected from their bodies and struggle with physical closeness, yet still can create secure attachments with their babies. Greer shares surprising research about what happens in both parent and baby brains during those early years, and why your perceived "failures" as a parent might actually be completely irrelevant to your child. 

We also tackle the tough questions—what if you never learned how to nurture because you weren't nurtured yourself? What if trauma makes traditional bonding advice impossible to follow? This conversation gave me a completely new perspective on my own parenting journey and the healing that happened without me even realizing it.

1. What specific brain regions transform when you become a parent, and why can scientists identify parents just by looking at 70-year-old brains?
2. How does parenting change your brain differently for birthing parents versus non-birthing parents?
3. Can nurturing your baby actually heal your own childhood trauma and create the secure attachment you never had?
4. What if you can't co-sleep or struggle with physical touch due to PTSD—are there alternatives that still foster connection?
5. Why do babies in the NICU still recognize their parents, and what simple voice recording technique helped me bond with my medically fragile newborn?
6. If you never received nurturing as a child, how can you learn to parent differently without an internal working model?
7. How does parenting change your brain to see your body differently—why did I finally love my body only after becoming a mother?
8. Why does your baby think you're perfect even when you hate your body or feel like a failure?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/11/12/how-parenting-changes-your-brain-dr-greer-kirshenbaum-explains-the-science-of-healing-trauma-through-nurturing/

What if your childhood trauma isn't just yours to carry? What if emotional inheritance means your kids are already carrying pieces of it too? 

Today I'm talking with Dr. Galit Atlas, whose book "Emotional Inheritance" completely changed how I think about the invisible legacies we pass to our children. We get real about something that happened to both of us: being told we couldn't possibly have PTSD because we were "too functional." (Spoiler: that's not how trauma works.) We explore why some parents literally can't tolerate their baby's crying - not because they're bad parents, but because their own pain was never held. Dr. Atlas shares the story of Naomi, a patient who insisted she had perfect parents but couldn't figure out why she felt like an outsider everywhere. We talk about the burden of parents who say "I just want you to be happy" and why sitting with your child's pain matters more than fixing it. 

Plus, we discuss how therapy might actually change your gene expression (yes, really) and why even the angriest, most difficult parts of what we inherited can become something different in our children's lives.

1. What does emotional inheritance really mean, and why does Dr. Atlas call therapy an "epigenetic drug" that can actually change how our genes express themselves?
2. Why do trauma survivors often struggle to recognize their own trauma, especially when they compare themselves to their parents' experiences?
3. What happens when well-meaning parents who desperately want their children to "just be happy" accidentally create a different kind of burden?
4. Why is sitting with your child's pain more important than fixing it, and how does this relate to emotional inheritance patterns?
5. What is mentalization, and how does one patient's reaction to a creepy doll reveal the profound impact of never experiencing true attunement?
6. Why is the ability to integrate both the positive and negative aspects of our family legacy essential for breaking unhealthy cycles?
7. What resilience and survival skills do we inherit alongside trauma, and how can we consciously pass on the strengths while healing the wounds?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/29/emotional-inheri…h-dr-galit-atlas/

What happens when you desperately want to give your children the secure childhood you never had, but you have no instincts to guide you? Raising securely attached kids becomes incredibly complex when your own childhood left you with PTSD, depression, or chronic feelings of never being enough. Today I'm sitting down with Eli Harwood, the attachment expert.

Together we explore why chronic childhood neglect often creates more lasting damage than single traumatic events, and how even well-intentioned parents can pass on trauma. Eli shares her personal journey of growing up with a mother who had severe PTSD and how that shaped her understanding of attachment. We discuss the difference between hovering and true presence, why your inner child might feel jealous of your actual children, and how to recognize when you're parenting from a place of your own unresolved wounds.

Most importantly, we talk about how to break these generational patterns without falling into perfectionism or shame. This episode is a guide for any parent who's determined to raise securely attached kids, even when they're still healing themselves.

1. Why does chronic emotional neglect in childhood affect your parenting more than you might realize?
2. What should you do when your inner child feels jealous of the care you're giving your own children?
3. Why is feedback from your children so triggering when you grew up with an insecure attachment?
4. How can you develop parenting instincts when your childhood didn't provide you with a healthy template?
5. Why do we need other adults in our lives to help us regulate?
6. What does "I got you AND you got you" really mean in raising securely attached kids?
7. How do you handle the grief of watching your children grow and need you less when attachment was your biggest wound?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/15/how-to-raise-sec…with-eli-harwood/

Have you ever caught yourself yelling at your kids and thought, "I sound just like my parents"? Peaceful parenting offers a different path—one that breaks the cycle of fear-based discipline without becoming permissive. I sit down with Sarah Rosensweet, certified peaceful parenting coach and founder of Reimagined Peaceful Parenting, to explore how we can set firm limits with empathy, even when our own childhoods were anything but peaceful.

Sarah shares practical strategies for those morning battles over getting dressed, sibling fights that push every button, and why your "disobedient" child might actually be showing healthy development. We discuss the difference between dropping old authoritarian tools versus replacing them with connection-based approaches, how to build what Sarah calls the "goodwill bank" with your children, and why forcing a three-year-old to clean up spilled macaroni won't make them a helpful adult.

If you're exhausted from power struggles and want to parent differently than you were raised but don't know where to start, this conversation gives you tools for peaceful parenting.

1. What's the difference between peaceful parenting and just giving up on discipline altogether?
2. How do you get your strong-willed toddler dressed without it becoming World War III every morning?
3. Why does a child behave perfectly at school but fall apart at home - and is that actually okay?
4. What can you do when sibling fights trigger memories of your own childhood conflicts?
5. How do you explain to your partner that yelling isn't working when that's how they were raised?
6. What is the "goodwill bank" concept and how does it help with teenage cooperation?
7. How can you stay calm when your kids push every button you didn't even know you had?
8. What's the real reason kids fight with their siblings (hint: it's not about the toy)?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/10/01/peaceful-parenti…sarah-rosensweet/

What happens when mindful parenting feels impossible because you're still having nightmares about your own childhood? Today I'm talking with Hunter Clarke-Fields, bestselling author and host of the world's top parenting podcast. 

We get real about the shame of being the mom with the temper when society expects you to regulate everyone's emotions. Hunter shares how she went from cowering behind doors as a child to repeating her father's rage—until she discovered it was her nervous system, not her character, causing those explosive moments. We discuss why parenting books feel like guides from the lobby to the first floor when you're stuck in the sub-basement, and how self-compassion becomes your ladder out. 

Hunter explains her concept of "yelling skillfully," why being a perfect parent would actually damage your kids, and how practicing mindfulness in calm moments prepares you for the chaos. If you've ever felt like a failure because you can't just implement that great parenting advice, this conversation will change everything about how you approach those triggered moments.

1. How can post-traumatic parents implement mindful parenting practices to reduce reactivity and yelling?
2. Why is self-compassion the necessary first step before trying to change your parenting behaviors?
3. How does the expectation of "perfect parenting" actually harm both parents and children?
4. What role does authentic emotional expression play in creating healthy parent-child relationships?
5. How can mindful parenting practices help interrupt patterns of reactivity that we inherited from our own parents?
6. Why do traditional parenting resources often fail post-traumatic parents?
7. How can we model healthy emotional regulation for our children even when we're struggling?

Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and check out my new book Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle and Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2025/09/17/how-to-parent-wi…er-clarke-fields/