“I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.”

I remember laughing at Al Franken’s character Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live. And then, many years later, I remember saying those exact words in earnest — standing in front of a mirror, trying to get ready for a job that was proving to be more of a challenge than I had anticipated.

Sometimes someone else’s narrative takes over. The narrative of someone whose primary interest is not in seeing you succeed. And when that happens — when sabotage is in the picture — the most important thing you can do is return to what you actually know about yourself.

Not what they’re implying. Not the story they’re telling. What you know.

Know yourself out loud.

We have to be able to identify and speak our strengths — not just hold them quietly. We have to tell our own brains what we are good at, where our natural talents lie, where our skills are strong. Because we are the only ones who can know ourselves that well. And our brains need the reminder, especially when someone else is working hard to suggest otherwise.

Start here: why did you apply for this job? Why were you hired? At some point, someone had enough confidence in you to offer you this position and pay you to do it. Go back to that moment. Remember what they told you.

Then think of something recent that went well — at work or anywhere. What did you do? What skills did it take? How did it feel when it was over?

Why this works.

Self-talk activates your brain’s reward system. Affirmational thoughts — specifically ones that are true — send your brain a signal of competence and reinforce it each time you repeat them.

This is not about pretending. It is about accuracy.

Here is an example from my own practice: I am good at helping people see the bigger picture when they come to me with a problem. I can identify the larger pattern and help them zoom out. Saying “I am good at helping people zoom out” reinforces to my brain that this is a real skill. Each time I say it, it becomes a little more solid.

That is what we are doing now.

Grounding exercise.

Feet on the floor. Feel the support underneath you.

Deep breath in. Slow breath out.

Think of a successful experience at work — at this job or a previous one. What made it successful? How did you feel afterward? What skills did you bring to it?

Now complete this statement out loud:

“I am excellent at _______________.”

Do it again with a different experience. A different skill.

You now have two true things to return to — two affirmations grounded in your own lived record.

Anyone can attempt to sabotage you. A boss, a colleague, a leader. But no one can get inside your brain. You are the only one with access to your own reward system. When you are grounded in what you know to be true about yourself, it shows — and more importantly, it holds. Confidence is a layer of protection. No one can break through it unless you give their narrative more power than your own.

You are in control of your brain.

You’ve got this.

What Just Happened is a series about identifying and responding to abusive tactics at work. Tomorrow, we look at DARVO.

For news, updates and more resources, visit unmanagedpeople.com.

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