Has anyone ever said to you, "You just don't get it!"? You may have been listening but you failed to show that you understand what they are saying and what you think they might be feeling.  In this short video, I explain there are three steps to showing someone you understand. 

Here are the points I cover: 

1. Listen and empathize - Pay attention, focus and think about what the person is saying to you. As you do that, imagine how you would feel if that happened to you. Would you feel frustrated, angry, happy, sad?  

2. Repeat back to the person in your own words what you think they said and how they are feeling. This is why you have to pay attention. You need to verbalize what you heard and then what you think they are feeling. Don't worry about getting it absolutely correct, just do you best. Something is better than nothing. 

3. Ask - "Is that it?" or "Did I get it right?" You want the person speaking to expound or clarify what they are saying to you or you want them to let you know you got it. Either way, they will feel that you are trying to understand what they are trying to say to you. If they bring up something that isn't clear, it's also ok to ask questions, then repeat that back to them and ask again if that's it. 

This continues until you hear the person say yes, you got it. Now you know the person feels understood.  This will greatly improve the quality of your communication and the strength of your relationship.  I hope you enjoyed this and found it helpful. I'd love to read your comments. 

For more free marriage resources, go to www.turnitup.coach