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How to Stay Grounded when Someone Else is Suffering
In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore one of love’s hardest tests—how to stay open-hearted when someone you care about is in deep pain.
Through a vulnerable listener question from Christine, a mother navigating her son’s long struggle with addiction, Jeffrey unpacks the hidden nervous-system dynamics that keep loved ones caught between compassion, guilt, and helplessness. Together, they explore how to transform heartbreak into grounded strength, and why true care begins with regulation and self-compassion.
You’ll learn:
• Why our nervous system mirrors the pain of those we love—and how to notice when we’ve merged with their distress.
• How guilt and shame can block our natural anger, leaving us powerless instead of clear and strong.
• Why “fight” energy isn’t wrong—it’s vital information that can help restore boundaries and choice.
• Simple practices to return to regulation in hard moments, including the hand-to-heart exercise and long-exhale breathing.
• How self-compassion helps dissolve shame and sustain love without collapse.
As Jeffrey reminds us, “Our suffering doesn’t heal someone else’s suffering—but our regulation can.”
When we learn to care without carrying the full weight of another’s pain, we reclaim the steadiness that makes real love possible.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected].
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.
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By Dr. Jeffrey RutsteinIn this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore one of love’s hardest tests—how to stay open-hearted when someone you care about is in deep pain.
Through a vulnerable listener question from Christine, a mother navigating her son’s long struggle with addiction, Jeffrey unpacks the hidden nervous-system dynamics that keep loved ones caught between compassion, guilt, and helplessness. Together, they explore how to transform heartbreak into grounded strength, and why true care begins with regulation and self-compassion.
You’ll learn:
• Why our nervous system mirrors the pain of those we love—and how to notice when we’ve merged with their distress.
• How guilt and shame can block our natural anger, leaving us powerless instead of clear and strong.
• Why “fight” energy isn’t wrong—it’s vital information that can help restore boundaries and choice.
• Simple practices to return to regulation in hard moments, including the hand-to-heart exercise and long-exhale breathing.
• How self-compassion helps dissolve shame and sustain love without collapse.
As Jeffrey reminds us, “Our suffering doesn’t heal someone else’s suffering—but our regulation can.”
When we learn to care without carrying the full weight of another’s pain, we reclaim the steadiness that makes real love possible.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to [email protected].
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.