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It's episode 264...and it's your coffin, my love. Enjoy it. Most of us never get to know what it feels like.

Interview With The Vampire (1994) spins a century-spanning yarn of epic proportions, following the listless slave plantation owner Louis de Pointe du Lac, as he is bitten and transformed into an immortal creature by vampire Lestat de Lioncourt. Much like a new parent, an apparently endless future of night feeds causes Louis to have an existential crisis lasting decades as he stands and morosely observes various comings and goings across New Orleans, Paris and San Francisco, eventually relating this to a journalist in the modern day for our pleasure(?).

It's a bloody diet of ham and mince as Brad Pitt sulks, Tom Cruise camps it up and a 10-year old Kirsten Dunst steals the show, in what is an unusual and somewhat misguided and often boring Vampiric fable pondering the meaning of life. We discuss blatant homoeroticism, outline the unique qualities of the vampire interviewees, question the reasoning of an exclusively rat-based diet and ponder whether we've already passed the best time in our lives to be made eternal beings. What other dark gifts might we find? There's only one way to find out.

All of which leads to one question: How would you survive?

Whatever happens, one thing's for sure: I was mortal until you gave me your immortal kiss.

Next time, it's the start of David Cronenberg Season with Videodrome (1983).