How to turn confrontation into opportunity with 3 golden words.

Confrontation is an opportunity to fact find. See it as a way of understanding the other person and if possible helping them understand you. As with all these things it’s the how that counts and this is my specialty.

So how do you turn confrontation into an opportunity to understand the other person and get to a place where you’re both working on the solution?

As an example an everyday situation where two people are trying to agree a price for work to be done. This comes down to value - each person sees a different value in the work. The key is your approach which is not to win an argument or a victory but to try understand the meaning behind their valuation. This is where the 3 magic words play their part. The words are curious, fascinated and interested.

I’m just curious as to the process you went thru to get to this figure in valuing this project?

Follow up question:
That is a fascinating process and I would be grateful if you could explain why the x thing

Or the other way - I’m interested in how you arrived at the decision that makes you think that what I’m asking is unreasonable?

Follow up questions all with a focus on fact finding.
What is it about the work that makes you feel it can be done quicker than the 5 hours quoted?

In either camp start to work towards putting the areas of agreement on paper abs the areas where you are still trying to understand each other better - think about placing the areas of difference between you and the working together to find solutions.

Rather than trying to persuade the other person to your viewpoint allow them to come to the conclusion that what is on offer is fair. This way everyone is happy with the outcome commonly known as win/win.

My view is that this happens when people feel understood and part of the solution. The key is to enter any potential confrontation with an attitude of curiosity - seeing it as a fact finding mission and this puts you in a different frame of mind to fear of the confrontation or anxiety about the discussion. See it as an opportunity to fact find rather than confront.

If you feel you want to dig deeper into this subject why not check out www.mindsetcollege.co.uk Module 7 called the 5 Styles of conflict management.

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