In this solocast of Start With A Win, Adam and Producer Mark talk about some of the key insights in Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Adam calls it one of the best books for showing how we should treat each other. Although the book is nearly a century old, its lessons on understanding the intrinsic desires of human beings resonate even today.

One of the first tips they explore is the idea that “if you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.” In short: don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Usually, this is because it’s human nature to react when someone criticizes you. So try to be nice to people, even when it doesn’t necessarily serve you to do so. People don’t want to help you if you’re beating on them. It takes a specific maturity to consider external forces unfolding when a situation doesn’t go the way you want. 

Another principle they discuss is that you should show honest and sincere appreciation. Adam shares a story of a time that he and his family were in the drive-thru at a coffee shop. Seeing that the barista had spent a lot of time on what you’d say was a unique face of makeup, Adam’s daughter, Ashley, tells her that she loved her makeup. Her eyes lit up, Adam recalls, and it changed the entire tone of their interaction. It was remarkable how an honest and sincere compliment elevated a routine coffee run into a memory.

The book also suggests that the only way to influence people is to arouse their “want.” As often as he can, Mark sets an example for his children to intentionally say the names of people he interacts with while in stores. He shares a story about how he once left a grocery store with his children, and they asked him how he knew everyone’s names. He took it as an opportunity to teach them about acknowledging people in service positions and how valuable it can be.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you should seek to elevate others’ interests. Show that you are interested in them rather than in yourself. Think about how you can help others rather than yourself, and see how many people you can make smile.

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