Low quality video, sure, but high quality moment. I have started sneaking out of bed early and stealing the morning hours for myself. Today I was ahead on the chores I had planned to do and I was waiting for the babe and the baby to wake up I was just admiring life in this moment and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. So I grabbed a video and wanted to share it with you.
I didn’t always enjoy waking up early in the morning. I did, however, love staying up until the morning. In fact it was a game I played with myself, seeing how little sleep I could survive on. Or well, sleep at night. I claimed it was because I was a night owl, but I have since learned a phrase that I think fits more accurately. Revenge sleep procrastination. It’s an ADHD thing. I hate diagnoses and labels and all of that shit, but I for sure 100% have ADHD.
Being aware and medicated definitely has helped because now I can wake up at 04:30a.m. and water the garden as the sun comes up, simply because I am able to. For those concerned: I go to bed around 08:00p.m. and get at least one nap a day, I am sleeping plenty; plus my sleep is better because I can function and am no longer having nightmares.
So here I am for the first time in my life not only up early in the morning, but dare I say ahead on tasks for the day and not anxious or over thinking or trying to disassociate from reality. Naturally, I did what any functioning adult does and spent some quality time with myself. Self care. I want to emphasize intentional self care, fueled by radical self love. My absolute favorite activity.
I wanted to share my process this morning with you:
-Step 1: Pee&Hydrate. Maybe it sounds silly, but I romanticize it all and not only do I need to pee first thing every morning, I also love symbolism. So I get out of bed and flush out all that is left over from the night and day before. Then I grab a fresh glass of the iciest water I can concoct (personal preference) and whisper sweet nothings to it like “I am divinely guided and protected” and “I am grateful for the life source you are”. As I sip my newly high vibrational H20 I think about love flowing from the water all through my body. Splashing over every cell and dousing each molecule in liquid love. Be as corny and vividly positive in this piece of the morning and self care. I know it sounds like one of those annoying motivational life coach things to say “start your morning off right”, but sadly those annoying coaches learned from people who actually did the work. You really should strive to start your morning off right. I has been one of the biggest positive adjustments I have made to my morning routine. Results will be noticed immediately.
*if you are a morning meds person I recommend doing that here too! Nonnegotiable essentials all fall under this step. Sometimes for me that means I take care of a baby first.
-Step 2: Provide a treat for yourself. For me this means, pretty much every morning, a minute outside on the porch with my elegantly artistic water bong and organic grown cannabis listening to the echo of my hacking through the wild open fields. It could be a face mask if that’s more your style. Just something to show yourself you are grateful that you woke up today together still. You're physical, mental, emotional. All the parts of you that are here.
-Step 3: Clear the bullshit. This is when I get the chores done. Usually a few dishes and bottles, emptying the dishwasher, laundry, any tasks that are hard to do with an 11 month old. This may not be how everyone’s brain functions, but for me if I have something to do I usually cannot do anything meaningful until the “need to do” is done. Unfortunately, before being medicated this meant needing to do things and instead aggressively leaving this world for the safety of my mind for as long as I can possibly avoid the responsibility. Not self care. Self sabotage. Bad.
-Step 4: Meditate&Move. Perhaps my favorite piece of the secret to happiness puzzle. I usually move first. Slow, low impact, NOT exercise. Movement. Maybe a slow flow yoga session or a slow walk outside admiring the world around you. They kind of can be done together, too. I mediate while I water my garden! I usually will follow it up with a seated session as well. I think it is important to just meditate. It is kind of hard to just move though. At least for me.
-Step 5: JOURNALING. Journaling is key to self care. It is key to life. I don’t care if it is just writing down thoughts on a scrap paper and throwing it out. Writing what is going through your mind is one of the best ways to work through difficult and confusing feelings. I promise. Another thing that maybe sounds too simple or cliche to be true, but it is. You need to journal. You need to get it out. Your body needs to flush out its toxins, so does your mind!
The video above I shot as I finished my journaling session this morning. I journaled deeply about a painful experience I am working through with some friends. I put my feelings of hurt, grief, wanting to be understood, wanting to apologize on paper, then I closed the journal and took a deep breath. When I released my inhale I felt a discerning feeling wash over me. My bodies, all my parts, came together to affirm that I did the right thing. That things happen that challenge us, but we must keep moving forward. I am safe, I am caring for myself. It was genuine moment of peace cultivated by me listening to all of the pieces of me and providing their desires as I was capable.
It isn’t an easy skill to learn necessarily, the ability to listen to all levels of yourself, but if you start I promise it will get easier. Don’t put pressure on it. Follow your gut. Listen to just you.
You are the only one who really knows you.
I am the only one who really knows me.
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