What happens when we loosen our grip and allow ourselves to receive with open hands and an open heart?

When we are willing to notice where we’re holding tightly and then to consciously choose to shift from that contracted state, we open to receiving. To expansion. To possibility. We open to love.

When we find ourselves repeatedly in a situation of less than ideal financial circumstances, do we ever consider that is is we, ourselves, who are keeping us here?

As a planet we are trying to come into a new state of equilibrium. The signs of re-construction are everywhere.

How to work with what the Mirror actually reveals.

The duality paradigm we see reflected in the world all around us can be dismantled to reveal the light in us all. It’s the only way through.

As the divisions in the United States appear to be growing wider and deeper; as fists are raised and epithets hurled; as the unity of our states is being delineated by the color of the majority opinion; we must recognize that we are all headed down a one-way road together even if we appear to be on the opposite sides.

That road is leading us in the direction of more of the same. Division. Cancellation. Separation.

When we come to the table looking through the lenses reading “other“ we will continue to see just that. On both sides of the table.

Consider, just for a moment, just as an experiment, putting on a pair of glasses that only allow you to see similarity - the things you share in common - with the person across the table or across the barricade.

What if you could see them from the moment they were born? What if you could see all of the challenges and victories that they had encountered in their lifetime? You could see all of the joy and the celebrations. You could see all of the pain and grief and suffering. You could see the fullness of their humanity.  All of it in one brief flash. If you could see all of the experiences that went into their becoming “them”, your body would likely soften and your heart might open, even just the tiniest little bit.

Only when we can come to the table or the streets or the post on social media and are willing to see the “others“ through the lens of our common humanity, with compassion, can we begin the process of resolving our perceived differences. With an opening of our hearts rather than an armoring of them, there is room for solutions to begin to reveal themselves that we had never even considered when we were both so heavily defended and armed with our own righteousness.

When we stand, fists raised, united against anything, we are pushing with force up against what we perceive to be the problem. We are doing what “they” are. We are hating the haters. 

When we stand united with love, the energy changes. We soften and open. It becomes the crack that lets the light in…

Until we have a change of heart, an opening of hearts, we will continue down the same dead-end road - together.

When we can begin to open our hearts and rise above the muck and mire of othering we will have a new vantage point. We will be able to see the higher plan. We will begin to heal ourselves and this planet. Together.

Last night I was taking a walk high in the hills of Sausalito. There was a young stag on a wooded lot who looked up as I passed. I stopped and we gazed into each others eyes for a long time. He was standing attentively and I felt this beckoning, welcoming, firm yet gentle structure of his adolescent antlers. I silently thanked him for his presence - for the gift I received from him - a reminder of the Sacred Masculine.

Giving him a little bow as I resumed my walk I noticed a yellow plum rolling down the hill in my direction, as if he was offering it to me. I noted it and smiled.

Then this morning on a walk as I passed a couple gathering the same yellow plums from a tree, the man reached out and placed one in my hand. The symbolism felt potent: Again, the masculine, offering me a golden fruit. Gold, the color of the energy of the masculine, is the color radiating from our solar plexus chakra - our power center. And like the healthy masculine, this fruit was firm on the outside. Sweet and tender on the inside.

What I was seeing in the symbolism of these two instances was a reminder to me to welcome in the Sacred Masculine. I’ve been needing to create more structure in my life and this felt like a nudge from Divine.

For decades I’d embraced society’s model of the masculine. Pushing, rigid and often, frankly, punishing. Self-punishing in particular. All of this served to help me muscle through life. But when you think about muscling through something there’s this feeling of tension and contraction, right? So between this near constant state of tension and feeling a necessity to build a layer of armor over my heart, I was keeping the light out with this cold, hard barrier to love. There was no flowing. In or out.

Yes, we joke about everything being “a sign” of something we want to believe is directing us. And of course we can impose meaning on anything we want to see. But there’s a difference in energy, in tone, that comes from actual guidance versus our superimposition of it. With open minds, and most importantly, an open heart, we are given signs such as these every step of the way in our lives. Nature does speak to us. Spirit is everywhere. Saying yes. Or no. Sometimes we don’t choose to see what we’re being shown because we’re afraid of where we may be led. That ominous-feeling great unknown… But putting on blinders doesn’t make the truth of any circumstance go away.

The Mystery of life is so much larger than what we usually allow ourselves to see. It takes time, trust and willingness to get to a place where we are open to expanding into greater possibilities. And while we may have to walk through a potentially dark and scary passage to get to what our soul is guiding us to, it is so worth it. Once we throw open the shutters over our hearts and say yes, the brilliance of love will come rushing in. We will remember that we are always guided. Always led. Always held.

Carl Jung said that “the creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect.“

It doesn’t come from the mind. It comes from the heart. And it comes when we’re willing to open it and listen.

So on my walks when I received these “signs”, I saw them as a reminder to bow in gratitude for the message of the gentle firmness of the Masculine from the young buck, and from the man with the plum. For me, these were reminders that the masculine in its most open-hearted form is there to support us. It’s here to provide a structure for us to be held within. It’s a structure that allows us to open our hearts even more widely and deeply. Like the walls of a canyon, it guides the flow of the river inside it. Firm. Strong and gentle. Structure and Flow. The Masculine and the Feminine. Balanced. Healthy. Symbiotic. Like the infinity symbol, each feeding and flowing into the other.

Millions of us in this country have been raised with no conscious awareness of our need for and connection to the most basic elements of life - Earth. Air. Fire. Water.  And Spirit.

If you live in a major metropolis or even a far flung suburb, there can be such a great disconnect from what it is that truly sustains us. But without these elements, we literally would not be alive. Yet we take these things so for granted.

I never had a garden. Until very recently. My experience with houseplants included having to be reminded that they do respond positively to watering. I don’t recall having had visceral experiences of earth as a child - other than having been reprimanded to NOT get dirty. But without earth, there would be nowhere to grow our food, build our homes or even to walk. 

And air. Inhalation. Every minute of every hour of every day. But unless, for some reason, our air is restricted, it’s certainly not a top of mind thought. Air. Prana. Life Force. We stop breathing and it’s generally the end of things here.

Fire. Right now, it’s heating my toes. It is light and focus and energy. It is used to cook our meals. In the form of sunlight, it makes plants and animals and people grow. It is emblematic of passion. Without fire, in all of its forms, nothing would light us up or feed us on any level. 

Water. About 60% of our own body. It falls from the skies and flows through our cities. If we’re fortunate, it usually comes out of a tap. We thirst for it. Our plants and animals thirst for it. The earth herself thirsts for it. Water is movement. Water is flow. It is said that water holds memory. We often don’t appreciate this element unless our supply becomes contaminated or our city tells us that there isn’t enough to wash our cars or fill our swimming pool.

And then the element of Spirit. Without which none of this would exist. We would not exist. And how often do we remember to express our thanks? Our simple acknowledgement of these astounding gifts.

I have just moved to a very small town from the San Francisco Bay Area. This transition has created a connection with the elements in a whole new way.

Our home is heated by fire. We go to a natural mountain spring every few days to get the most clear, clean crystalline water. We’ve even jumped on the sourdough starter train to bake our own bread. And while we have a furnace and running water in the house, we’ve made the choice to experience a much more direct connection to the elements, the essential sources of what sustains us. It has led to an appreciation of all that I seldom gave much thought or energy to. It’s been about slowing down and allowing in a way that I never would’ve given myself the space for otherwise.

It’s been about the delight of bathing in an outdoor bathtub and having a frog come and visit as I take in the stars overhead. It’s been about the breathtaking majesty of suddenly seeing an immense snow-covered volcanic peak peek through the trees that makes me gasp every time it appears. It’s been about the scent of the trees in the crisp autumn air bringing a smile to my lips as I fill my nostrils with their scent.

All of this has served as a reminder to appreciate the presence of these elements in my life far more deeply than ever before. To be reminded of how we are sustained on a daily basis. To express immense gratitude. And to remember the essential nature of these natural elements. To pause and honor them.

Before its too late.

Our unfolding - or that of anyone else’ -  is something that cannot be forced. Like the story of opening the cocoon that killed the butterfly, we need the time and experience to build our strength in order to fly. We need to exercise our muscles, to fall and get back up again before we learn to walk confidently in the world, let alone fly. Eventually we don’t even have to think about it. It becomes second nature.

Like pushing a river, forcing solutions often comes back to hit us in the face. Whether we’re trying to make a relationship work that simply isn’t, or trying to launch a business before we’re deeply clear on the vision, in most life circumstances we are often far better served in stepping back to breathe a bit before we put our foot on the gas - contrary to what our “just do it” culture often suggests.

As a serial entrepreneur, if I wasn’t actually operating a business, I was engaged in the business of trying to create the next one without much, if any, pause in between. Once I attempted a pause by going to Bali after I sold a business and had to come home having caught pneumonia. I suppose touring a country I’d never been to before wasn’t exactly a pause…

As we’ve discussed here before, that place of not knowing can feel like being in a large body of water without shore in sight. And remembering to pause and breathe, to re-center, can be the farthest thing from our minds if we’re in a state of near panic.

What do we do, when we don’t know what we’re supposed to do??? What do we do if doing is not the answer? How can we possibly just be when there is so much to do?

This is the circle I’ve often found myself in - with seemingly no way out.

Although I’ve been here before and it has continued to feel like a challenge living in a society when our worth is so defined by what we do, the key seems to be remembering that being requires allowing. Allowing others’ opinions fall away. Allowing our own judgement to fall away. Allowing ourselves to sit with the discomfort and keep breathing. Allowing ourselves to do it all imperfectly. Allowing ourselves to repeat this cycle as many times as necessary until something shifts. Within us. Or outside of us. Something that unfolds and reveals with luminescent clarity what was there all along, but we simply weren’t yet ready to see.

Not an easy, or necessarily clear process. But if we’re willing to engage it, the foundation, the strength, the muscle of love, value and clarity that will be revealed will be one that is based on a foundation of our true strengths. One based on a real knowing of our worth. Defined only by ourselves and coming to know the inherent worth and lovability we came into this world with, but has taken decades to uncover and reclaim. It’s in there. It’s under there. But until we can allow ourselves enough stillness to experience it at the deepest levels, we won’t trust it long-term. Sometimes “Just Do It” is a slogan limited to shoes and clothing. Then, we get to stop, breathe and acknowledge how far we’ve come and remember that we are love. We are loved. And we always have been.