I Am Struggling: The Podcast

Welcome to episode 13: relapse. This episode is brought to you, by me, in the midst of a relapse. I'm normally pretty open and honest on this podcast, but it was interesting in this episode trying to communicate and reflect on where I'm at while being oh so very in it. Strong content warning for this episode and talking about eating disorders and treatment. Thank you always for your support, love to you all.

Long time no see. I'm back with another all over the place episode about my struggles with winter. In this episode, I talk about my historic issues with winter, my current attempts to adapt to the dark and cold, and ramble on about all sorts of semi related topics. As always, thanks to all of you who tune in to listen to my long winded and circular thoughts. Didn't feel very cute, but probably won't delete later.

Howdy and welcome to episode 12 where I delve into the depths of my eating disorder. I came into this recording as scatterbrained as ever, and while I tried to follow some sort of chronological sequence of events, I certainly struggled with adhering to that. In this episode, I reflect on my journey of living through and attempting to recover from my restrictive eating disorder. I talk about the lives of the saints, questionable choices, ensuing chaos, treatment facilities, and where I'm at now. This episode ended up longer than I intended and frankly I still have more to say, so maybe we'll get a part two at some point. For now, I wish you the best of luck listening as I hop, skip, and leap around my story.

Content Warning: Explicit descriptions of eating disorder behaviors, treatment, self harm, suicide, death.

Hey everyone and welcome to episode 11 where I am still recording by my lonesome, due to another case of me deciding to record on a complete whim. I actually recorded a whole episode on this topic and then decided I hated it so much that I immediately rerecorded it, and while I don't know if I fully love this episode, at least I'm not having a breakdown the entire time I'm talking on this one. As I'm sure anyone but myself could have foreseen, this topic brought up some big feelings that made my initial recording a little more vulnerable and angry than I was ready for. On this (rerecorded) episode, I dredge up some old childhood trauma and some old childhood crushes, and talk about my experience being a lil queer baby in a not so queer friendly space. I touch on my desire to touch on Lindsay Lohan, and recount my numerous 90s era wire rim glasses wearing girl crushes. I try to define my own queer identity, and I talk myself into circles. Shout out to everyone who helped me get where I am today, shout out to baby Anna who I wish could have seen the possibilities a long time ago, and shout out to all you listeners who turn up and turn out for the podcast, love u all!

Hey all! So I know I promised to have my wife on episode 10 buuuuut I recorded this episode spur of the moment and at almost midnight so it's just me- I promise I will have company on the show ASAP! I am so tired (as you'll hear in the episode) so I don't have much to write, buckle up for yawning, fatigue, and the beginning and end of my handball career. TW: talk of exercise, eating disorders, ED treatment, and specific ED behaviors. 

Hey everyone, exciting news...on today's podcast I am joined by my best friend, my queen, my wife, ASA!! (And also a special appearance from her much loved dumbass dog, Blair.) I have been wanting Asa on the show since it started and I'm so excited to finally have her here. On today's episode, we start off talking about struggling to wax our upper lips which then devolves into a multitude of other struggles we have experienced in our lives. In true Anna and Asa nature, we end up all over the place and keep forgetting how we got there. If you've ever wanted to hear the story of how we met, our sordid history with cars, or all about our questionable decision making you have come to the right place. Much love forever and always to my first wife, Asa!!

Content Warning: discussion of eating disorders, psychiatric hospitalization, suicide, bodily fluids, death.

Hello babes and bitches, guess who's back. After a five month depressive hiatus, your host is back and not better than ever. We're jumping right back in to struggling with today's episode where I update the listeners with my lifetime sob story as I try to dodge accountability for abandoning this project. I get realistic with the goals for this podcast which pretty much boils down to you get what you get and don't get upset. I touch on quitting, skating, and sobbing. Content warning (pretty much applicable to every episode): talk of death, suicide, and mental health. Thank you as always to my listeners, love you all lots!

Well, well, well, guess who we got on the show before the tenth episode! Thank you to my beautiful valentine Adam for coming on the podcast to answer a list of Valentine's Day questions with me. I hope you enjoy this bonus episode, and we'll see Adam back for the tenth episode!

Today's episode is all about my struggles with birth control. I address why the heck there's been such a gap in between episodes, asking questions of deacons, wanting to join a nunnery, mortal sex sinning, switching from pills to an IUD, and how I'm not one to suffer in silence. CW: In this episode, I do mention marital rape in relation to a book that I read.

The topic of today's episode is grief. As a heads up to listeners, this episode is a bit heavy. I discuss the impacts of different types of death, my big grief feelings, my number one grief counselor- Nora Roberts, Ben and Jerry's meltdowns, standing in a field at dusk when it's snowing, and struggling with perfectionism in grieving. I also read an excerpt from my recent book of poems, "Kitchen Sink Soup: Poems For the Grieving." Thank you as always to my listeners!