How We Navigate Grief with Blair

I Didn’t Understand My Nervous System Until It Finally Felt Safe


Listen Later

When I first learned what a nervous system was, I realized my nervous system was so dysregulated that I couldn’t actually comprehend what the person was explaining. It sounded like gibberish. But I did know that I was not in a good place with my mental health, and something needed to change.

Someone was calmly explaining regulation, safety, and the difference between survival and rest, and my body was in full emergency mode. Nodding politely. Retaining nothing.

What I did understand was the stripped-down version:

A dysregulated nervous system lives in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.A regulated nervous system lives in the rest-and-digest state. Presence. Capacity. Choice.

Let me define this in simple terms.

* A regulated nervous system does not mean you are calm all the time. It means your body knows how to come back.

* A dysregulated nervous system does not mean you are broken. It means your body learned how to survive.

For most of my adult life, survival was the default setting.

How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

It wasn’t until I shifted my work schedule to four days a week and put real boundaries around technology and people that I felt rest and digest in my body. Not conceptually. Somatically.

And even then, that shift only happened a few years ago.

That’s how long it took my body to believe it was safe.

How I Know I’m Slipping Into Dysregulation

Regulation isn’t a finish line. It’s a practice.

I know I’m sliding out of regulation when urgency creeps in for no reason, my jaw tightens, my sleep gets lighter, and everything feels slightly louder. I start multitasking rest. I feel behind without knowing why.

That’s my nervous system asking for attention.

So here is what I do. Not perfectly. Not rigidly. But consistently enough that my body trusts me.

11 Ways I Regulate My Nervous System and Come Back Faster

* I wake up to a sunrise alarm clock.My body gently transitions into the day instead of being yanked out of sleep by a jarring phone alarm.

* I protect my morning with Blair time.At least two hours to move, meditate, journal, sit, and exist before I produce. No rushing into the day.

* I removed the email app from my phone.When I check my email, it’s intentional. My nervous system is not on call.

* My phone lives on Do Not Disturb.I decide when I’m available. Not my notifications.

* I move my body in nature most days.Forty-five minutes outside resets me faster than almost anything else.

* I prioritize sleep like medicine.Eight hours is not indulgent. It’s necessary for emotional regulation.

* I read for pleasure.Stories with no agenda. Words that don’t require a response.

* I spend time creating without an outcome.Writing, art, imagination. Creativity regulates me because it brings me back into my body.

* I practice yoga, even if it’s only for fifteen minutes.Gentle movement counts. Presence counts.

* I cancel plans when I’m tired.Without overexplaining. Without guilt. Rest is not something I earn.

* I have a bath, a long hot shower, a hot tub, or drink tea.Hot water signals to your nervous system that you are safe.

What it does mean is that my body trusts me to listen.

And when your nervous system trusts you, everything changes.

If your body feels loud, exhausted, or constantly on edge, it’s not because you’re failing at life. It’s because your nervous system learned how to keep you alive and safe.

You’re allowed to teach it something new.

So, if we have plans and I cancel, it’s because my nervous system needs love.

Let’s navigate your grief together,

XX Blair

P.S. I was recently featured alongside Oprah and Tony Robbins in The American Reporter article: Your 2026 Success Starts Here: Follow These 15 Coaches Who Are Changing Lives Around the World. What a massive honour. Check it out.

How We Navigate Grief is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscribe

Thanks for reading How We Navigate Grief! This post is public so feel free to share it.



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit howwenavigategrief.substack.com/subscribe
...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

How We Navigate Grief with BlairBy Blair | How We Navigate Grief