For most of my life, I thought when people said, “Close your eyes and picture a red apple,” they were being poetic.
Apparently… they weren’t.
Some people can literally see images in their mind like a movie screen. They can rotate objects, picture faces, and imagine landscapes.
I see nothing.
Just darkness.
This condition is called aphantasia, which simply means the absence of a voluntary “mind’s eye.” Research suggests that roughly 2–4% of people may experience aphantasia, though many don’t realize it until adulthood. Cool, I love being unique.
But here’s the twist. Even though I can’t voluntarily visualize things while awake, I have extremely vivid dreams. Like, super realistic and detailed.
And sometimes, my mom is there.
She died suddenly after being given only two weeks left to live. Three days later, she was gone. Since then, she occasionally visits me in my dreams. When she does, I can see her clearly. Her face. Her smile. The energy she carried.
Which means something important.
The machinery for imagery exists in my brain.
It just isn’t under my conscious control.
And that realization made me curious.
If my brain can create images while I sleep, can I train it to do that while I’m awake?
Because if I could learn to visualize… maybe I could see her again.
Even for a moment.
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Why Training Your Brain to Visualize Might Be Possible
Neuroscience tells us something hopeful. The brain is neuroplastic, meaning it can reorganize itself and build new neural pathways through repetition and training. Studies show that mental imagery activates many of the same brain regions as actually seeing something.
In other words, visualization is a skill. And skills can be practiced.
Some people with aphantasia report gradual improvements after consistently practicing imagery exercises over time. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen for everyone.
But the fact that I dream vividly is a very good sign. It means the visual cortex can generate images.
So my new experiment is simple: Train my brain.
Approach it like strengthening my resilience muscle. Because that’s what I believe we’re doing in life anyway.
Building invisible muscles that help us carry what we love and what we’ve lost. As I often say in my work with grief and resilience, we all have an invisible resilience muscle that can be strengthened through practice and intention.
So now I’m applying that same philosophy to my brain.
My Plan to Train My Mind’s Eye
Here’s the routine I’m experimenting with.
Not perfectly.
But consistently.
1. Training at the Edge of Sleep
The best time to practice visualization is right as you’re falling asleep or waking up.
Your brain is already producing images in that half-dream state.
So now, when I’m drifting off to sleep, I try to notice the faint shapes, colours, or flashes that appear behind my eyelids.
Instead of forcing a full picture, I gently try to hold whatever shows up.
Even if it’s just static.
This is where dreams begin, so I’m trying to catch them early.
2. Describing Images Even If I Can’t See Them
Another technique is called image streaming.
The idea is simple: Close your eyes and try to imagine something basic, like an apple.
Even if you see nothing, describe it anyway.
Its color.Its weight.Its texture.How would it feel in your hand?
By describing sensory details, you activate parts of the brain that may eventually trigger visual imagery.
So right now, I’m practicing describing things I love.
Our family cat, Zena.Our mom laughing.The way she read the newspaper.
Maybe one day those descriptions will turn into pictures.
3. Practicing Afterimages
This one feels like a science experiment.
You stare at a bright object or simple shape for about 30 seconds.
Then close your eyes and try to hold the afterimage that appears.
You know that little ghost image that lingers when you look away from something bright?
That’s your visual cortex remembering.
So the practice becomes holding that image longer.
Then, eventually, trying to change it.
Rotate it.
Shift the colour.
Basically, you’re giving your brain visual data and asking it to play with it.
4. Starting Ridiculously Simple
Apparently, the biggest mistake people make is trying to visualize complex scenes.
So the training starts small.
A circle.A triangle.A square.
Then maybe a ball.
Then maybe a cup.
Ten minutes a day.
No pressure.
Just curiosity.
5. Changing the Story I Tell Myself
The most important shift might be psychological.
Instead of saying: “I can’t visualize.”
I’m practicing saying: “I’m training my brain to visualize.”
Because belief shapes how the brain learns and grief has taught me something powerful…healing doesn’t happen by forcing outcomes.
It happens by creating space for possibility.
Which is actually very aligned with the Navigating Grief Framework, where one of the key stages is Introspection for Understanding and allowing curiosity about our experience rather than fighting it.
So this is my new introspection.
My new curiosity.
Why This Matters More Than Visualization
Yes, part of me hopes that one day I might be able to picture my mom.
Maybe not perfectly.
Maybe just a flash.
But this experiment isn’t only about seeing images.
It’s about something deeper.
Grief doesn’t end when someone dies.
It evolves.
Sometimes it looks like tears.
Sometimes it looks like building a global movement to help people strengthen their resilience muscles.
And sometimes it looks like quietly lying in bed at night, trying to train your brain to see someone you love.
If I can visualize her one day, that would be beautiful. But even if I can’t, the practice itself is meaningful.
Because the act of trying is a form of connection.
And grief, at its core, is simply love that no longer has a physical place to land.
So we find new ways to hold it.
Even if that means training the brain.
One neuron at a time.
If this topic resonates with you, I write about grief, resilience, neuroscience, and the strange ways we learn to live with loss.
You can subscribe to my Substack How We Navigate Grief, where I share short essays and audio reflections a few times a week.
Because none of us are meant to navigate grief alone.
Let’s navigate your grief together,
XX Blair
P.S. Did you know that in a few days, on March 7th, our next book is being published? SAVE THE DATE and get ready to be inspired by real humans who shared their journeys of resilience in RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3.
Where’s Blair?
March 5-10, New York City, NY
Resilient A.F.: Stories of Resilience Volume 3 book launch with a billboard in Times Square on Saturday, March 7th. Want to tune in? We will have a link to the livestream and details COMING SOON.
March 10-13, Los Angelas, CA
I will be putting on my Public Relations hat and working with Heather Marianna at ‘A Toast to Hollywood’, the premier celebrity gifting lounge of Oscar Awards Week. If you are in LA and want to connect, please reach out to me personally.
April 5-11, Bali, Indonesia
I will be co-facilitating the Bali Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There are still a few spaces if you want to join us.
May 3-5, La Le Jeune, BC
Join me, Stacey and Simone this May at the Regulated Retreat.
I’m stoked to be speaking at Regulated, a three-day nervous system reset retreat for people who are done surviving and ready to feel steady again because most of us don’t need more motivation, we need regulation. And that’s what makes this experience different.
This retreat blends nervous system science, movement, nature, and honest conversation to help your body downshift and reset.
I’m honoured to be part of this experience and would love to share it with you! Early bird rates end March 15th!
August 23-29, Porto, Portugal
I will be co-facilitating the Portugal Grief Trip alongside Rachel from Happy Grieving. There is still room for you. Learn more and book your spot!
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