Many emotional abuse victims have been accused of having a victim mentality—as if the abuse isn’t real. Some victims don’t like to be labeled a “victim.” It sounds weak and powerless. Recently, one of my listeners asked this question: “How do we accept the reality of abuse without living as a victim?” 
 In today’s episode we’re going to clear up this confusion by answering the following questions:What are ten characteristics of someone who has a victim mentality? What are the ten characteristics of someone who is a true victim?What are ten ways we go from victim to survivor?Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here 
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.  You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

I Don't Consider Myself to be a Victim, so How Do I Accept the Reality of my Abusive Relationship?

Flying Free is a support resource for women of faith who need hope and healing from hidden emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and narcissistic abuse. Because of misogynistic theology taught in controlling and spiritually abusive churches, many Christian women find themselves in destructive marriages where there is an uneven power dynamic. Male partners use their status as a husband to gain power and control over a woman’s mind, emotions, body, social life, finances, and more. When she tries to get help from her equally abusive church environment, she is betrayed and re-abused. Flying Free offers a Christ-centered, gospel-oriented perspective on domestic abuse that protects and honors the voices and autonomy of women. Tune in each week to hear conversations with emotional abuse advocates and fellow survivors who will walk with you on your journey up and out. We hear you. You are not alone. Learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com

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BILL! My friend, Bill, wrote a little comment on my site that I wanted to share with you all. It wasn’t a nice comment, but honestly, that’s what makes this episode fun! Let’s take a look at what our little gaslighting friend said and examine more closely where he got it wrong.  Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, natalie@flyingfreenow.com, and we'll get you set up!) 

The One About Bill

Once upon a time, I dared to write a letter to the pastor of a church I was attending at the time (after having been excommunicated from another church for telling the truth about my life, requesting help, and then acquiring a divorce to protect myself). In my letter, I wrote that his sermon that morning did not take into account abuse survivors' experiences—survivors who were probably sitting in the pews that morning confused and scared about what he was preaching at them. I wanted him to hear his own words from a different perspective—a survivor’s perspective. Surely this letter wouldn’t fall on deaf ears. He was a shepherd representing Jesus, right? He loved his flock and would want to care for their hearts, right? 
 Wrong.  
 Let me read you the letter I sent him, and then let me read you his letter back. It may shock you that a “shepherd” would respond this way. It shocked me then, too, but it doesn’t shock me anymore. I’ll tell you why in today’s episode. 
Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources:My newest book, All the Scary Little Gods, is a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming. Are you wondering what is happening inside your own painful and confusing marriage? I wrote another book just for you called Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman’s Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. Flying Free is my online membership program designed for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. Whether you want to stay well in your marriage or leave, we want to equip and support you through this program.Flying Higher is my online membership program for divorced Christian women. Come rebuild your life after divorce with women just like you!Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, natalie@flyingfreenow.com, and we'll get you set up!) 

How to Reframe and Recover From an Abusive Sermon

Today's podcast episode features a chapter from my new book, All the Scary Little Gods. It's an analogy I wrote several years ago when I was trying my darndest to explain my situation to people who couldn't wrap their brains around it. 
In the years since that time, I've heard from countless Christian women how much it helped them understand what they were going through.  Today you can listen to this story as it was recorded for the Audible version of All the Scary Little Gods. I hope it helps you find clarity and hope. And maybe even a few laughs along the way. Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question hereIf you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com.Support the Flying Free podcast and join me for private deep-dive discussions with podcast guests, a private forum thread, and a private podcast just for club members all for just chipping in a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, natalie@flyingfreenow.com, and we'll get you set up!) And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life, check out Flying Higher.


A Story that Perfectly Describes Emotional Abuse

Author, Tiffany Yecke Brooks has done it again with her new book, Holy Ghosted: Spiritual Anxiety, Religious Trauma, and the Language of Abuse. (Don't you absolutely LOVE that title? She's an amazing writer.)  Have you ever been ghosted by someone? They disappeared from your life, seemingly into thin air? Have you ever been worried that God might ghost you, especially if you don’t dot your “i”s” and cross your “t’s?” Spiritual anxiety is common among Christians, and Dr. Tiffany Yecke Brooks wants to break that down with you to show that even though people may try to scare you into believing that God will ghost you if you don't do what they want you to do, that's not who God is. 
 In this episode, Tiffany answers questions such as:“What is the definition of spiritual anxiety?” “How do I overcome spiritual anxiety?” “What are some different ways of looking at commonly told Bible stories?” And more! This interview is the bomb, I'm telling you. And if you love what you learn from Tiffany and want to get into it with her IN PERSON, next Monday, April 22, Tiffany is joining us live on the ​Flying Free podcast club​ gathering. All Flying Free and Flying Higher members can join the podcast club for FREE, and anyone else can join by chipping in $5 a month to support the weekly publication of the podcast. When you become a member, you get access to live online gatherings that will be recorded and offered on our very own PRIVATE podcast.  Become a Flying Free Podcast Club member ​HERE​ and go DEEPER with us!  Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here 
Related Resources:Reach out to Tiffany on her website.Follow Tiffany on Facebook.Read Tiffany’s article on Substack.Check out Tiffany's Holy Ghosted book playlist! Pick up your copies of Tiffany’s newest book, Holy Ghosted: Spiritual Anxiety, Religious Trauma, and the Language of Abuse, as well as the book I interviewed her about in the spring of 2022, Gaslighted by God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith. If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.comI'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list. You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com.And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.Dr. Tiffany Yecke Brooks is the lead or contributing writer on more than two dozen books, including multiple New York Times bestsellers. She is the coauthor of Fear Is a Choice: Tackling Life’s Challenges With Dignity, Faith, and Determination (with NFL running back James Conner), Limitless: The Power of Hope and Resilience to Overcome Circumstance (with Paralympic gold-medalist Mallory Weggemann), and the narrative nonfiction historical thriller Espionage and Enslavement in the Revolution: The True Story of Robert Townsend and Elizabeth (with historian Claire Bellerjeau). Her newest book, Holy Ghosted: Spiritual Anxiety, Religious Trauma, and the Language of Abuse, was released in April 2024. She has also published articles in peer-reviewed journals and the Smithsonian. Tiffany holds a PhD from Florida State University, where her dissertation covered, in part, cultural adaptations of stories from the book of Genesis, and an MA from the University of Bristol in the UK, where her thesis examined cultural influences and literary techniques in the Gospel of Luke. A popular speaker for student groups, faith conferences, and academic lectureships, Tiffany has taught literature and writing at Abilene Christian University, McMurry University, and the University of South Carolina – Beaufort.

Holy Ghosted: Spiritual Anxiety and Religious Trauma

“Why do you keep bringing up the past?” 
 “You can't have boundaries with me. You're my wife.” “You're too sensitive.” 
 “I said I was sorry. You need to accept that. Let's choose to have a good day now.” 
 “You think you're so perfect.” 
 Do these phrases sound familiar? They certainly sound familiar to me. I want to show you some ways you can combat these words your abuser throws at you, even if you’re just combating them in your own mind. You don’t even have to say anything out loud (because we all know what happens when we try to reason with an abuser/fool). You can just say these phrases I’m going to teach you in your head, and that will be enough to give you the empowerment and strength you need!  
 But first, let’s check out a negative review I recently received *gasp* and look to Matthew 23 to help us figure out if this reviewer is on the right track…or not.  
 Read the show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here 
If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com I'll send you (free!) the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, which has an assessment to help you figure out if your relationship is abusive or not. All you have to do is hop on my mailing list.  You can also find out about our online education and support program for women of faith at https://joinflyingfree.com. Support the Flying Free podcast AND get in on monthly deep-dive discussions with podcast guests by joining the Flying Free Podcast Club for a $5 monthly donation HERE. (Members of Flying Free and Flying Higher can join these discussions FREE. Just reach out to me, natalie@flyingfreenow.com, and we'll get you set up!)  And finally, if you are a divorced Christian woman who wants to take back her life and get healthy, lose weight, have amazing relationships, get things done, build a business or career, and even find a good man (if you want one) - check out Flying Higher.

I Don't Consider Myself to be a Victim, so How Do I Accept the Reality of my Abusive Relationship?

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