Have you ever been told that saying "no" makes you selfish? That good Christian women never rock the boat, always serve with a smile, and definitely do not have thoughts of their own?

This episode is Part 2 of our Emotional Abuse 101 series, and today we’re diving into the art of saying no.

If the idea of saying no makes your stomach flip or sends you into a guilt spiral, this episode is your lifeline. I’ll walk you through WHY it’s so hard to say no and HOW to start saying it anyway with confidence and without apology.

Key Takeaways:

• Saying no without guilt is an adult skill, not a rebellious sin. 
• People-pleasing is often a trauma response. Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s just been doing its job a little too well.
• You don’t need permission to have boundaries. You’re not waiting for anyone’s approval. 
• Boundaries ≠ controlling others. Boundaries = choosing how YOU respond when others misbehave.
• There’s neuroscience behind this. Your brain can be rewired to feel safe even when saying no. 

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Get a FREE chapter of Is It ME? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, along with the companion workbook for that chapter, by going to flyingfreenow.com. I'll also send you the Freedom Letters. (Also free. 😉 )

Related Resources:

• Check out Part One of this eight part series: “The 10 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Christian Marriage.”

Welcome to part one of a brand-new series I’m calling “Emotional Abuse 101: Everything You Need to Know,” because, let’s face it, the church didn’t exactly hand out “How to Spot a Narcissist in Your Youth Group” pamphlets in Sunday school.

In this episode, I’m diving into the 10 most subtle signs of emotional abuse, the kind of signs that don’t leave bruises on your body but do leave bruises on your soul. These are the red flags that fly under the radar, the ones that make you ask “Am I too sensitive?” or “Maybe I am the problem?”

Here are some things we’ll cover in this episode:

• The Silent Treatment Special — Why emotional withholding isn't just immature behavior, and the real reason he's using it against you
• Mr. Jekyll and Pastor Hyde — What happens when everyone else thinks he's amazing, but you're living with someone completely different at home
• Strategic Emotional Sabotage — The shocking pattern behind why your birthdays, holidays, and girls' nights keep getting ruined 
• Weaponized Vulnerability — How opening your heart becomes ammunition in his hands, and why you're not crazy for feeling betrayed
• Dream Crusher Lite™ — The subtle way he makes pursuing your goals absolutely miserable without ever saying "no" outright
• Plausible Deniability — Why you're always "too sensitive" or "making assumptions," and how this phrase is actually a manipulation tactic

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Take a FREE emotional abuse quiz by going to emotionalabusequiz.com. Find out if what you're experiencing is normal Christian marriage stuff...or abuse. 

Related Resources:

• Was this episode helpful? You may find these two Flying Free episodes equally worthwhile: “Does an Abuser Know They Are Abusive?” and “Nine Tricks Emotional Abuser Use to Pull Us Back Into the Cycle (and six clever ways to respond!)”

In this episode, I get down and dirty with a topic that triggers all the rule-followers and religious gatekeepers: salvation. Not the flannelgraph-Jesus kind where you prayed the “magic words” at age seven and then spent the next 30 years terrified you did it wrong. Nope. I’m talking about real, liberating, soul-exploding salvation.

This one’s especially for you if you’ve ever stayed in an abusive marriage because you thought God would be mad if you left. If you’re exhausted from trying to please “godly” authority figures who think they are mini Popes. If you’ve prayed the salvation prayer 73 times just to be sure it “took.”

Key Takeaways:

• Belief isn’t a checklist. It’s not about doing the right things, following the right leaders, or avoiding the wrong music. It’s about trusting that Christ already did it all.
• The gift of salvation is already yours. Yes, even if you cuss, leave your abuser, or buy non-organic lettuce.
• Many Christians are still hoping for a salvation that is already theirs. Why? Because we’ve been taught to fear God more than we trust Him. 
• The verse “God hates divorce” has been weaponized. (Psst…it doesn’t say what you think it does, anyway. Listen to find out what the Bible actually says in Malachi.)
• You can experience the joy of salvation the moment you believe it’s real. Like full-body joy. (Really!)

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Listen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com.

Related Resources:

• If this episode was helpful for you, you’ll love these two episodes, too: “Two Hotel Rooms: One Rescue Mission” and “Praying for a Miracle — When the Miracle Might Be You Walking Away.”

Ever wonder why you keep getting stuck in the same soul-sucking relational merry-go-round and can’t get off? Why you feel like you're starring in a never-ending soap opera you didn’t audition for, but somehow you’re the villain for wanting out?

I sat down with Gwendoline, a longtime member of Flying Free and Flying Higher, to talk about her epic butterfly transformation. We're talking cycles of chaos, religious gaslighting, and the sneaky little acronym that kept her trapped in marital misery: FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).

Key Takeaways:

• If it feels off, it probably is – Chaos, fights, and emotional whiplash aren’t just "normal marriage stuff." They're red flags.
• Your body knows before your brain does – Tight hips, tension, and dread? Not random. That’s trauma.
• Love isn’t a magical fix-all – You can love someone and still need to leave them. 
• Track the truth – Emoji mood calendars and journaling helped Gwendoline see the pattern she was gaslit into ignoring.
• You are the rescuer – No knight in shining armor is coming. Just you, your big-girl panties, and God on a divine co-rescue mission.
• Leaving is hard, but worth it – Healing takes time, but the moment you step out, your real life begins.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Get a FREE chapter of Is It ME? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, along with the companion workbook for that chapter, by going to flyingfreenow.com. I'll also send you the Freedom Letters. (Also free. 😉 )

Related Resources:

• Want to listen to more survivor stories? Check out “Military Marriage Abuse: Elizabeth’s Story” and “Out of the Poisoned Pond: Jennie’s Story.”

It’s time to talk about the two kinds of people in this world: the seekers and the stuck.

In this episode, I dive deep into the real reasons why some lives transform after abuse while others continue to feel stuck.

We’re unpacking:

• Why healing is not about labeling your abuser a narcissist and calling it a day 
• How to know when you’re ready to move from survivor to thriver.
• What your philosophy of life has to do with your emotional garden.
• Why reading one more Instagram post about toxic people isn’t going to transform your life.
• And how your anger might just be the spark that gets you out of the cage.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Listen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, for FREE!
• Liked this episode? Then check out these two other Flying Free episodes, “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything” and “How Pretending and Fear Keep You Stuck in Abuse Cycles.”

What if the very place you went for safety, love, and divine wisdom turned out to be the scene of the crime? Today we’re diving headfirst into the world of spiritual abuse. 

This week, I’m joined by Katherine Spearing, founder of Tears of Eden, trauma recovery practitioner, and author of a new book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts. 

If you’ve ever been told that “God doesn’t want your happiness, He wants your holiness” while you were slowly disintegrating inside, well, friend, you’re in for a ride. Buckle up, because we’re talking:

• Why spiritual abuse is often so subtle you won’t realize you’re bleeding out until you’re halfway through a panic attack
• How high-control religious environments get you to abuse yourself (sick, right?)
• The toxic theology that turns God into a cranky toddler with a lightning bolt

Key Takeaways:

• Spiritual abuse is real, complex, and often normalized. Just because it’s subtle doesn’t mean it’s not wrecking your soul.
• You’re not wrong for wanting peace, freedom, and autonomy. That’s not “selfish.” That’s survival.
• Religious trauma isn’t just in your head. It’s in your nervous system, and it needs gentle care to heal.
• You get to get your mail from God. Not from your pastor, your husband, or some elder board in polyester pants.
• Patriarchy is the backbone of most spiritual abuse. If your theology only benefits dudes, it’s not the gospel, it’s a con.
• There’s a whole beach of freedom outside that toxic church sandbox. And God’s not mad you left.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Grab a copy of Katherine’s book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts
• Connect with Katherine on Instagram
• Hop on Katherine’s mailing list and get some free resources while you’re on her site. 

Katherine Spearing MA, CTRC is the founder of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of spiritual abuse, and the former executive producer and host of the groundbreaking podcast Uncertain, a podcast that pioneered pivotal conversations around spiritual abuse. She also is a Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner working primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse. Katherine is a huge advocate for the power of art to help us on our healing journey. She participates in improv theater both as a performer and coach and is the author of one novel. A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, her new book on spiritual abuse, addresses the survivor’s recovery journey. She has been a guest on a number of podcasts, including IndoctriNation and A Little Bit Culty, is the author of several nonfiction articles, and writes regularly at katherinespearing.com and tearsofeden.org.

Has your inbox turned into a dumpster fire of accusatory texts from your abuser?

In this episode, I hand you a step-by-step strategy to shut down the inner emotional chaos without getting dragged into the mud pit with him. It's not just about survival. It's about winning (for YOU!)

What We Cover in This Episode: 

• What to do when your abuser won’t stop texting lies, and the courts won’t let you block him
• How to stop reacting and start playing offense with your own sanity-protecting strategy
• Why your emotional reaction is his favorite snack (and how to starve that monster)
• The magic of radical acceptance. No, he’s not going to wake up one day and be Prince Charming
• Why sarcasm is satisfying but not strategic (sorry, my fellow sass queens)
• A game-plan that builds a rock-solid paper trail, perfect for court receipts and your peace of mind
• How to rewire your nervous system before you even read his garbage texts

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Aimee Says for help wading through the word salad your abuser is throwing at you. 
• Listen to some other Flying Free episodes, including “Winning Child Custody & Divorce Battles” and “How to Respond to Emotional Abuse Tactics.” 

“He doesn’t hit you, so it must not be abuse.” Yeah, no. That tired old line needs to die.

This week, I sat down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a powerhouse expert on coercive control, the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but instead, destroys lives. Christine breaks down how abusers don't need fists to dominate; they weaponize EVERYTHING from the court system, to churches, to your very own kids.

If you’ve ever been dismissed, disbelieved, or labeled “too angry,” this episode is a masterclass in seeing the invisible, calling it what it is, and taking your power back, even if you have to fake it ‘til you make it from the ICU of your life.

What You’ll Learn: 

• Why coercive control isn’t a form of abuse, it IS abuse. Period. Full stop.
• How abusers hide behind charisma, charm, and a well-timed Bible verse.
• The horrifying way the legal system often rewards abusers and punishes protective moms.
• How abuse affects children, even when it’s subtle, and especially when it’s court-sanctioned.
• Why your anger is holy fire, not a character defect.
• How to start healing and parenting differently, even while walking through hell with a diaper bag.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Check out Dr. Christine Cocchiola’s website.
• Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.  
• Read FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, Dr. Cocchiola’s co-authored book. 
• Get her free map called Clinical Implications for Children Who Are Coercively Controlled
• Watch her recent TED Talk: It’s All Coercive Control

Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control. A college professor teaching social work, she received her doctorate in clinical social work from New York University working under the tutelage of Dr. Evan Stark. She presents nationally and internationally on the concept of coercive control with a focus on educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents, on the experiences of children and best intervention strategies for adult and child victims of coercive control/narcissistic abuse. Her Clinician Certification Training is ASWB approved for 14 CE’s. Dr. C is the creator of The Protective Parenting Program, a therapeutic evidence based attachment focused program for parents of children harmed by abusers and the co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld.

Have you ever felt like life has you wearing a 200-pound emotional backpack labeled “Christian womanhood”? In this episode, I unpack (literally) the toxic beliefs that are holding us back using a metaphorical story about a woman who wants to run, but can’t. Because, surprise! She's lugging around spiritual abuse disguised as Bible truths.

You’ll meet Sarah, a fictional but oh-so-familiar woman who stands at the edge of a running trail, paralyzed by invisible weights. Enter Elena, the wise older woman who helps her go full Marie Kondo on her belief system. You’ll want to tattoo some of Elena’s one-liners on your forearm. (Okay maybe just put them on sticky notes.)

Key Takeaways:

• Toxic beliefs often come wrapped in spiritual language. Just because it came from a pulpit or your well-meaning Aunt Kathy doesn’t make it true or helpful.
• You’re allowed to question what you’ve been taught. Especially if what you’ve been taught keeps you silent, stuck, or scared.
• Jesus didn’t ask you to carry a crushing load. He said His yoke is easy. Your religious trauma backpack is not that.
• Replacing lies with truth doesn’t mean you’re sinning. It means you’re healing.

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• Here are some other related Flying Free Podcast episodes: “12 Life-Changing Beliefs That Will Unhook You From Abuse” and “The Beliefs that Keep Christian Women Stuck in Abusive Marriages.” 

What if that golden cage you're sitting in was never locked? What if all that “God’s will” rhetoric was just fear cosplaying as holiness? In this episode, I tell you a story, a simple one with birds, bars, and just enough metaphorical mic drops to wake up the part of you that’s been sedated by religious gaslighting. Buckle up, buttercup. It’s time to talk about freedom.

This isn’t just another chirpy motivational talk. It’s a truth-telling, cage-rattling invitation to examine the lies we’ve been fed about safety, love, and obedience, especially in the name of God. You were made to fly, not decorate someone else’s spiritual furniture.

Key Takeaways:

• The cage was never locked. You've been conditioned to think you're choosing it, but that choice was built on fear, not freedom.
• That “protection” they sold you? It's control in disguise. And the house full of golden cages? It’s not a sanctuary. It's a system designed to keep you small, scared, and obedient.
• Even your longing has been demonized. Longing is labeled sin. Discontent? A character flaw. But maybe it’s your soul whispering, “There’s more.”
• Freedom is risky, but it’s real. There are storms and hawks and hard days out there. But there’s also wind, sky, stars, and the exhilaration of living unchained.
• Jesus doesn’t lock cages. He flings those suckers open and says, “Come on out, sister. It’s time.”

Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here

Related Resources:

• If today’s episode resonated with you, here are some others you may find helpful: “From Trapped to Free in 30 Days” and “Praying for a Miracle—When the Miracle Might Be You Walking Away.”