In this episode, we break down what subtle gaslighting looks like in covert narcissistic relationships and why it’s so hard to recognize. You’ll learn how emotional manipulation can sound calm, reasonable, and even compassionate—while quietly eroding your self-trust.

Not all gaslighting is loud. Sometimes it’s delivered gently. Sometimes it contains just enough truth to make you hesitate. Instead of “That never happened,” it’s “That’s not exactly how it happened.” Instead of “You’re crazy,” it’s “You know you can be a bit sensitive sometimes.” And over time, those small reframes begin to destabilize your confidence in your own memory and perception.

We’ll explore real-life examples of subtle emotional abuse, including half-truths, tone shifts, memory rewrites, and caring-sounding responses that leave you comforting the very person who dismissed your experience. If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling confused, guilty, or unsure of yourself—even though nothing dramatic happened—this episode will help you understand why.

You’ll also learn practical ways to rebuild self-trust, anchor yourself when subtle gaslighting happens, and reclaim your internal authority without needing to prove your reality to someone else.

If you’ve been asking yourself, “Is this really gaslighting?” or “Why do I feel so confused when nothing big happened?”—this episode is for you.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this special Q&A episode pulled directly from the Covert Narcissism Group Facebook page, I’m answering some of the most honest — and often unspoken — questions about living with and healing from covert narcissistic dynamics.

Why do conversations go in circles? Why does couples therapy sometimes make things worse? Why can they be so charming one moment and so hurtful the next? And how do you protect your clarity when you feel like you’re constantly doubting yourself?

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re overreacting, communicating poorly, or somehow “doing it wrong,” this episode will help you understand what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

We talk about cognitive dissonance, circular conversations, accountability vs. performance, protecting vulnerable children without badmouthing a parent, and why asking questions is often the first act of self-trust.

You don’t need all the answers yet. You’re not behind. And you’re not the only one asking these questions.

Part 2 continues the conversation next week.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you feel lonely even when you’re not alone, this episode will help you understand why. In The Loneliness of Covert Narcissism: Why You Feel Invisible Even When You’re Not Alone, we explore emotional invisibility, the quiet isolation that happens in covert narcissistic relationships, and why being truly seen can feel so rare—and so deeply relieving.

Many survivors describe the loneliest place as sitting beside their partner, realizing they are not truly known. In this episode, we talk about why your words may have never landed, why small moments—like circular arguments, silent treatments, or everyday interactions—can leave you questioning your reality, and why hearing someone else say “I thought I was the only one” can bring such powerful relief. This is a reassurance-focused episode designed to help you feel seen, understood, and grounded in the truth that your need for connection is normal and human.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today’s episode is about covert narcissism and the deep exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries in the relationship.

If you’re living with or recovering from a covert narcissist, you may recognize this immediately: you’re the one who explains, softens, repairs, revisits conversations, manages emotions, and keeps hoping that if you say it just right, things will finally change. Instead, you end up emotionally depleted, confused, and wondering why nothing ever sticks.

In this community chat, I’m joined by Laura and Jay, who share what it’s like to live inside this dynamic—where effort is constant, responsibility is one-sided, and the emotional labor never ends. We talk about how this pattern develops, why it’s so hard to stop trying, and how many survivors reach a moment of clarity when they realize this isn’t normal relationship struggle—it’s covert narcissistic abuse.

If you feel worn down from over-explaining, over-accommodating, and carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone, this episode will help you put words to what you’re experiencing.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today, we unpack how covert narcissistic dynamics quietly train thoughtful, self-reflective people to carry blame that was never theirs.

In this episode, we explore how normal, everyday questions—like asking about errands, timing, or work logistics—can somehow turn into tension, shutdowns, or accusations. Over time, those repeated interactions begin to reshape your inner dialogue, leaving you questioning your tone, your intent, and eventually your worth.

We’ll look at why self-reflective people are especially vulnerable to internalizing blame, how manipulatively tense environments distort your sense of what’s “normal,” and why taking responsibility often becomes a way to survive rather than a sign of actual fault. We’ll also name an uncomfortable truth: when you absorb blame, you become the pressure release valve for someone else’s unresolved tension—and while that may bring them relief, it comes at a real cost to you.

This is a signature episode designed to help you interrupt the reflexive thought “I am the problem,” reclaim your internal compass, and begin placing responsibility where it actually belongs.

If you’ve been feeling confused, ashamed, or perpetually “in trouble” around the same person, this conversation will help you see why—and remind you that self-reflection is a strength that deserves boundaries, not punishment.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What does covert narcissistic abuse look like when it unfolds slowly over decades—without obvious explosions, without outsiders seeing the damage?

In this episode, Renee speaks with Shari, who shares her lived experience of spending 42 years in a marriage that gradually became confusing, destabilizing, and emotionally exhausting. Shari reflects on the subtle but devastating dynamics of covert narcissism, including triangulation, passive aggression, emotional coldness, cognitive dissonance, and the profound impact these patterns had on her nervous system and sense of self.

This conversation explores what happens when the person you thought you knew reveals a different reality—and how deeply disorienting it can be to reconcile the marriage you believed you had with the truth you eventually see. Shari also speaks honestly about grief, anger, self-blame, and the moment she realized she had to choose herself in order to survive.

Most importantly, this episode offers hope. Shari shares what healing looks like later in life, how self-care is not selfish, and why it is never too late to reclaim peace, autonomy, and a sense of wholeness.

If you’ve ever questioned your reality, felt invisible in a long-term relationship, or wondered if it’s too late to start over—this episode is for you.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel calmer the moment they stop explaining themselves. In this episode, we explore why over-explaining becomes a survival response, how hypervigilance and emotional exhaustion keep the nervous system on high alert, and why pausing brings real relief.

For many people, explaining didn’t come from insecurity—it came from learning that safety depended on being understood. Over time, this pattern trains the body to stay in fight-or-flight, constantly preparing to defend, clarify, or soften. Renee shares a personal “popcorn moment,” a rare instance of staying calm while reactive behavior unfolded, and how stepping back made it possible to observe patterns clearly without taking them personally.

This is not an episode about making decisions, setting boundaries, or taking action. It’s about permission. Permission to pause. Permission to stop explaining, fixing, or defending. And permission to let your nervous system settle before asking yourself what comes next.

If clarity has left you feeling tired instead of empowered, this episode offers relief—not urgency—and reinforces that pausing is not avoidance. It is regulation.

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dating someone with covert narcissistic traits rarely feels abusive at first. In fact, it often feels intoxicating—intense attention, deep emotional connection, and a sense of being chosen in a way you may never have experienced before. This episode explores why that intensity feels so powerful—and why it so often turns confusing, controlling, and unsafe.

In this deeply honest conversation, Jacquie Roar shares her personal story of navigating covert narcissism in a dating relationship. She talks openly about love bombing, emotional manipulation, isolation, and how her sense of self slowly eroded long before she had words for what was happening. Like many survivors, she believed the problem was something she could fix—if only she tried harder, loved better, or showed more understanding.

Together, we explore how covert narcissistic abuse impacts the nervous system, why leaving can feel harder than staying, and why the aftermath often includes depression, grief, and intense self-doubt rather than immediate relief. Jacquie also speaks about the moment that changed everything—when survival became more important than hope—and how healing required learning to accept healthy love after chaos.

This episode is for anyone who has ever questioned themselves after a relationship ended and wondered:

Why did it feel so good at first?

Why did I get smaller over time?

Why did peace feel unfamiliar after I left?

You are not weak. You were responding to a dynamic designed to confuse, bond, and control. This conversation offers clarity, validation, and hope—without pressure, judgment, or diagnosis.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction

DISCLAIMER:
THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal marriage struggles and covert narcissistic dynamics. We focus on the subtle patterns that create confusion, self-doubt, and the fear that you might be overreacting or expecting too much.

Many people living inside covert narcissistic dynamics aren’t dealing with constant conflict or obvious cruelty. Instead, they’re navigating moments that almost feel normal—disagreements that never resolve, conversations that leave them questioning their memory, and attempts at grace that are never returned. Over time, that confusion becomes exhausting.

In this episode, we walk through real-life examples of healthy conflict versus covert control, paying close attention to what happens when you offer softness, uncertainty, or benefit of the doubt. We talk about why mutual grace is a defining feature of healthy relationships—and what it means when that grace only flows in one direction.

This conversation isn’t about labeling your partner or diagnosing a relationship. It’s about giving you language for what you feel, helping you notice patterns without self-blame, and restoring trust in your own internal signals. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this just marriage—or is something else happening here?” this episode is designed to help you find clarity without pressure.

00:00 Introduction to Covert Narcissism

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you understand covert narcissism intellectually—but still find yourself questioning your memory, your reactions, or your decisions—you’re not alone.

In this episode, you’ll hear the very first Covert Narcissism Community Chat: a small, guided conversation with participants who are just like you. These are not clinicians or experts. They are listeners who have consumed the information, done the research, and are living—at different stages—inside the aftermath of covert narcissistic abuse. For privacy and safety, real names are not used.

Together, we explore why self-doubt can persist even after awareness:

This conversation isn’t about fixing or diagnosing. It’s about naming what so many survivors carry quietly—and hearing, in real time, that you’re not alone.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I still question myself—even now?”
This episode is for you.

Interested in participating in a future Community Chat?
These small, guided conversations continue and focus on specific experiences survivors often carry alone. Information about upcoming topics—including The Exhaustion of Always Being the One Who Tries—can be found at https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats

00:00 Introduction and Setup

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.