Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

FEELING STUCK?
Take my FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.
▶ Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

What if every explanation you offer becomes ammunition? Have you noticed how a narcissist stays one-up without ever having to raise their voice

In this episode, Kerry and Dr. Les Carter expose the hidden power mechanics that keep you arguing in circles. Many narcissists use the Gotcha Game which flips every conversation into a confrontation because it’s all about power.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Les get practical. Learn how to hold your ground, take your exit, and let go of the need to convince them.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you join as a paid Substack subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

DR. LES CARTER is the creator of Surviving Narcissism, an author and educator helping survivors build self-trust, healthy boundaries, and stay out of the power trap with a narcissist.
WEBSITE: https://survivingnarcissism.tv/

#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #Gaslighting #CovertNarcissist #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #Boundaries #SelfTrust #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Future faking hoovering isn't a change of heart. It's a second round of grooming, aimed at exactly what the first round wanted.

In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on what's actually happening when someone shows up with flowers, apologies and a raked pile of leaves after months of silence — and why the answer has almost nothing to do with you.

In this episode:
• Why not being hoovered is a read on what you had left to give
• Hoovering is a role vacancy, not a longing
• Love bombing and hoovering: one objective, two stages, two sets of tools
• Why "pathetic chasing behavior" isn't your flaw — it's how humans are built
• The two questions that decode any hoover: what do they need, and why now?

#Hoovering #FutureFaking #NarcissisticHoovering #NarcissisticAbuse #LoveBombing #NoContact #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

What if naming the disorder never actually got you out? And what if the thing you've been calling proof was really just a way to feel in control?

In this episode, Kerry and co-host Lynn Strathdee take on the debate splitting the recovery world right now — one universal predator type, or many distinct subtypes.

You can know exactly what someone is and stay anyway. You can't choose your neighbor, your coworker, or the parent sitting next to you at the PTA meeting. Understanding the diagnosis is not the same as being protected from it.

Certainty feels like safety — and that's precisely why it's worth questioning.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get practical: learn a technique from Kerry's clinical supervision for reading a person by reading your own reaction to them. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today.
Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #DarkTriad #DarkTetrad #Machiavellianism #VulnerableNarcissist #CoerciveControl #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Gray divorce isn't a midlife crisis. For a lot of people, it's the end of a con that ran for decades.

When researchers ask why people divorce after 50, the top answer from women isn't money or infidelity — it was abuse.

In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on why so many people stay in psychologically abusive marriages for 20 or 30 years, and why leaving late isn't a failure of judgment. 

In this episode:
* Why boomers are divorcing at four times the rate of 1990
* Why the mask falls on the honeymoon, in pregnancy, or after the baby arrives
* The attribution bias that made you call a pattern a mistake
* Why every "fresh start" was engineered — and why you weren't foolish, you were fooled
* The staircase of escalation: from control to criticism to being told you "just don't think"
* Why leaving late is a sign of strength, not weakness

#GrayDivorce #CovertNarcissist #CovertNarcissism #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Manipulation #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #HealingJourney #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why did you do things you swore you'd never do, just to get their love back?

In this episode, Kerry and researcher Dr. Karen Mitchell unpack why affection from a narcissistic or predatory partner can feel like a drug. It's intense and strategic, and then it's suddenly withdrawn. They also explore who predatory people target:  honest, kind-hearted people. And why recovery can take years.

This was never about you being weak. The pull you felt was engineered, and understanding it is how you break free.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra interview Dr. Mitchell unpacks the hidden mechanics behind spotting human predators. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today.
Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

DR. KAREN MITCHELL is a researcher and author of Human Predators, behind the largest global study on predatory behavior and neurological differences outside of prison settings. She advocates for a new framework — 20 attributes and 25 tactics — to identify human predators and expose how they control, isolate, and escape accountability without physical force.

• Book: Human Predators: Groundbreaking insights into the red flags narcissists, psychopaths and manipulators don't want you to know 
• Website

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #DarkPsychology #HumanPredator #Psychopath #CoerciveControl #Brainwashing #ToxicRelationships #Gaslighting #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why did the narcissist’s collapse look so real — curled on the floor, shaking, sweating, begging you not to leave — yet nothing changed after?

What looks like a breakdown is often a temporary loss of status, not a loss of identity — the defensive structure drops for 30 seconds, then rapidly reconsolidates and the manipulation continues. This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment.

In this episode, Kerry unpacks the hidden mechanics behind narcissistic collapse and what it takes to step out of that role:

• Why the dramatic display is often a performance to block abandonment
• Why true collapse requires remorse and self-reflection
• How the defensive structure drops when challenged, then reframes and re-hardens
• Why they demand you affirm they are still good

#NarcissisticCollapse #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #MentalHealth #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

What if the reason you feel like you're always “nagging” has nothing to do with you being difficult — and everything to do with deliberate provocation?

In this episode, Dr. Kerry McAvoy and Lynn Strathdee break down the hidden mechanics behind pathological provocation — why abusers poke, prod, and sabotage your boundaries at bedtime and beyond. How they insist on misunderstanding you, wear you down, and then recast you as the “whining nag” to make themselves the victim. This isn’t about the victim — it’s about the dysfunctional nature of the abuser.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment
Want to go deeper? Become a Substack paid subscriber and learn why owning the traits you don't want people to see in you (your "difficult" side) is actually what protects you from being exploited.

Get immediate access to this and over 100 other interviews when you subscribe today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

Bring your questions live — Tuesday 60-min Live Stream (4 PM CDT/5 PM ET) & Wednesday Live Q&A at 11 AM CDT / Noon ET.

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #TraumaBonding #ToxicRelationships #Gaslighting #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why did the narcissist’s collapse look so real — curled on the floor, shaking, sweating, begging you not to leave — yet nothing changed after?

What looks like a breakdown is often a temporary loss of status, not a loss of identity — the defensive structure drops for 30 seconds, then rapidly reconsolidates and the manipulation continues. This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment.

In this episode, Kerry unpacks the hidden mechanics behind narcissistic collapse and what it takes to step out of that role:

• Why the dramatic display is often a performance to block abandonment
• Why true collapse requires remorse and self-reflection
• How the defensive structure drops when challenged, then reframes and re-hardens
• Why they demand you affirm they are still good

#NarcissisticCollapse #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #MentalHealth #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

What if the trait everyone praises you for is the exact one the narcissist is scanning for?

That isn’t naivety. That isn’t missing the red flags. Agreeableness — assuming people are honest, wanting harmony, believing no one would be cruel on purpose — is a readable personality profile, and predators read it faster than you can.

In this episode, Kerry sits down with therapist and author Chelsey Brooke Cole. Cole married two narcissists — one grandiose, one covert — while practicing as a clinician herself. She breaks down why agreeable people are targeted rather than unlucky, how narcissists game the therapy room while the professionals in it cheer them on, and the chilling answer her husband gave when she asked him what shame actually meant to him.

🔒 Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment

Want to go deeper?
Become a Substack paid subscriber and hear Chelsey give you the single question that collapses a gaslighting conversation in real time — the one you ask yourself when you can't tell whether you're being unreasonable or being worked. Get immediate access to this and over 100 other interviews when you subscribe today.
Join here.

CHELSEY BROOKE COLE is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and best-selling author of If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She specializes in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, with her work routinely featured in outlets like USA Today, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. She is the host of Restoring Resilience, a podcast dedicated to helping survivors heal and reclaim their lives, and the creator of the program Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse.

• Book: If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth
• Masterclass: The Narcissist Playbook
• Website

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #CovertNarcissist #BetrayalTrauma #PredatorPsychology #ToxicRelationships

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why does one person in the family end up carrying everything — the blame, the mood, the thing nobody will say out loud? That wasn't a flaw in you. That was a role, and someone cast you in it. 

Scapegoating is bullying that a family agrees not to stop, and it works because it holds the group together at your expense.

This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment. In this episode, Kerry breaks down why families choose a scapegoat, why the role follows you into adulthood, and why none of it was ever about you:
• Why scapegoating is really bullying — and why a smear campaign is the same dynamic
• The four reasons a family picks a scapegoat, including the truth-teller who sees too clearly
• What the people who witnessed it learned to do instead of stopping it
• Introjection: how you took in a role that was never yours to carry
• Why the doubt you feel afterward makes sense — and why it was always about them

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).