What do you do when the evidence points to betrayal, but your partner insists you’re crazy?

This week’s Fan Mail comes from a listener in Atlanta, Georgia, who describes the heartbreak of suspecting her husband of nearly 50 years is living a double life. Despite finding suspicious phone activity and even an STD clinic reference, her husband denies everything—blaming and belittling her instead.

In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the signs of DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender), explains why being called “crazy” is psychological abuse, and shares what to do when you feel destabilized by betrayal trauma. She also offers practical next steps—from documenting evidence to protecting digital privacy—to help regain clarity and safety.

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If you’d like your question addressed on air, send it here: 👉 https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/fan-mail

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

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Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Predators are often hiding in plain sight—and even the smartest, most capable people can miss the red flags. In this episode, Dr. Kerry McAvoy talks with Sarma Melngailis, the former restaurateur whose story was told in Netflix’s Bad Vegan. 

Sarma opens up about how she was manipulated, criminalized, and misrepresented—and why her memoir The Girl with the Duck Tattoo finally tells the truth. Together, Kerry and Sarma unpack why predators are so difficult to spot, how they exploit our best traits, and the steps survivors can take to heal after betrayal. 

Resources Mentioned 

• Sarma’s memoir: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo: The Girl with the Duck Tattoo 

• Follow Sarma: on Instagram: @sarmamelngailis

 • Sarma’s Substack: Sarma Melngailis on Substack

• Dr. Kerry’s book: Love You More: The Harrowing True Story of Lies, Sex Addiction, & Double Cross 

Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview

 Find it here in the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter: 👉 https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

More About the Podcast Extra Interview 

What did Bad Vegan get wrong?

In this exclusive interview, Sarma Melngailis reveals the critical details Netflix left out—from spliced audio that twisted her story to entire expert interviews that were cut. She shares how these omissions not only misled viewers but also deepened the shame and misunderstanding she’s carried. 

Get immediate access to this extended conversation—and hear the truth behind the most misleading moments of the docuseries. 

👉 Join today

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

This week’s Fan Mail brings us two powerful questions: 

• From Syracuse, New York: “The family referee took my custody and handed it over to the father who was absent for years. My children have been separated from their siblings, and I’m only allowed one hour a week of visitation. The court won’t let me present my evidence, and I feel silenced and helpless. What can I do?” 

• From Wichita, Kansas
• And from Kansas City, Missouri, a listener asks: “How do I get access to the Podcast Extras?” 

In this episode, Dr. Kerry tackles both concerns. First, she validates the heartbreak of a mother caught in post-separation abuse reinforced by the family court system.

Then, in response to the Wichita and Kansas City listeners, Dr. Kerry explains how to access the Podcast Extras—exclusive deep-dive interviews with leading experts on narcissistic abuse recovery. 

Submit Your Question

If you would like your question addressed on air, please respond here.

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Join Dr. Kerry McAvoy on Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse for real talk about toxic relationships and recovery. Mondays feature expert interviews, Thursdays bring our new Fan Mail Q&A. Get clarity, validation, and tools to heal.

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Disclaimer: This interview features perspectives from a male divorce coach navigating toxic dynamics. While some views expressed differ from those of trauma-informed psychology, I found it valuable to explore these tensions in real time. Please listen with care, and note that I challenge certain assumptions as we go. 

This week, I sit down with Josh Tomeoni, a divorce coach who shares his story of what he describes as abuse within his long-term marriage. Josh opens up about the male experience of toxic relationships, why so many men don’t recognize emotional abuse, and how cultural expectations of masculinity shape their response to conflict and vulnerability.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview

Find it here in the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

More About the Podcast Extra Interview

What happens when a man says he’s been emotionally abused?

In this exclusive interview, Josh explores how some men frame abuse differently—and what that reveals about cultural conditioning.

Get immediate access to this extended conversation—and hear where I draw the line between “toxic” dynamics and true abuse.

👉 Join today: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MORE ABOUT JOSH:

The Derelict Podcast

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

What happens when a narcissistic therapist uses their professional training against you?

This week’s Fan Mail question comes from a listener in Seattle who writes: “I dated a narcissist who was also a licensed clinical social worker. Can you talk about the weaponization of therapeutic training by narcissists?”

In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks how narcissistic mental health professionals can use psychology to pathologize your emotions and silence your voice, how the imbalance of power could be weaponized against you.

Submit Your Question

If you would like your question addressed on air, please respond here. 

Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Do you know what one of the most dangerous traps you can fall for? Believing that you can “fix” a narcissist’s early attachment wounds. 

In this exclusive episode, therapist and author Chelli Pumphrey explains why narcissists rarely have secure attachments, how anxious or disorganized patterns drive their constant need for supply, and why survivors’ empathy often backfires when met with exploitation.

PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW 

Find it here for the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter. 

MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA 

🔹 What’s the attachment style of a narcissist?

In this powerful bonus conversation, Chelli Pumphrey shares the impact of narcissists’ attachment styles on relationship dynamics.  

Get immediate access to this extended interview—and discover which attachment styles are more common among narcissists and other personality disorders. 

👉 Join today: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MORE ABOUT CHELLI: 

Book: Insight is 20/20: How To Trust Yourself To Protect Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse & Toxic Relationships 

Website

CHELLI PUMPHREY, LPC, CCTP-II, NAST, is a Licensed Professional Counselor with over 30 years of clinical experience. She is a Level II Certified Clinical Trauma Professional and a Certified Narcissistic Abuse and Survivor Treatment Clinician, specializing in complex trauma, adult attachment, and recovery from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. She serves on the advisory board for the Association for NPD/Psychopathy Survivor Treatment. 

Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Can you really heal a trauma bond—or is the damage permanent? 

This week’s Fan Mail features two powerful questions. The first comes from a YouTube listener who asks: “Is it really possible to break a trauma bond? Even Dr. Ramani says she still struggles daily—so what’s the point of fighting, especially if kids are involved?” 

The second comes from a listener in New York, New York who wants to know: “Why do narcissists cheat—and how can you tell if it’s happening to you?” 

In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the reality of healing from trauma bonds, offering both hope and hard truth, and explores the eight most common reasons narcissists cheat—plus the warning signs to watch for in your relationship. 

Submit Your Question 

If you would like your question addressed on air, please respond here.

 Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Can you ever be “good enough” for a difficult mother? 

In this episode, psychotherapist Katherine Fabrizio, author of The Good Daughter Syndrome, reveals why empathic daughters feel trapped in cycles of guilt, exhaustion, and approval-seeking—and how to reclaim your power and identity finally. 

Tronick’s Still (Blank) Face Experiment

PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW 

Find it here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse for the exclusive interview and weekly newsletter. 

MORE ABOUT THE PODCAST EXTRA 

🔹 Setting boundaries isn’t just about saying “no”—it’s about grieving the mother you wish you had while facing the reality of the one you do. 

In this powerful bonus conversation, Katherine Fabrizio shares how to let go of the fantasy of a different mom, why pushback is a sign you’re on the right track, and how to reframe chronic protest behaviors as grief instead of personal failure. 

Get immediate access to this extended interview—and discover the strength to set boundaries that honor your life. 

👉 Join today: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MORE ABOUT DR. FABRIZIO

• Book: The Good Daughter Syndrome: Help For Empathic Daughters of Narcissistic, Borderline, or Difficult Mothers Trapped in the Role of the Good Daughter  
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KATHERINE FABRIZIO, M.A., L.C.M.H.C., is a psychotherapist, mother, and the author of the Amazon bestseller, internationally published, and award-winning book The Good Daughter Syndrome. She lives in Raleigh, N.C., where she dances to loud music, talks to her husband about everything, and enjoys her grandchildren without doing any of the work.

 Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

This week’s fan mail dives into two powerful questions about surviving emotional abuse.

First, Dr. Kerry explores what it means when you stop crying—and why emotional shutdown can be a survival mechanism in toxic relationships. Then she tackles whether the sunk cost fallacy is really what keeps us stuck with a narcissist, or if something deeper is at play.

Submit Your Question!

If you would like your question addressed on air, please respond here!

Stay in Touch with Dr. Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.