Ever feel like you can’t find “you” anymore? That you’re second-guessing everything, going numb, or swallowing your words just to keep the peace?

This week, psychologist Dr. Shahrzad Jalali joins Dr. Kerry to unpack how long-term emotional abuse scrambles your nervous system, erodes self-trust, and leads to identity confusion—and what actually helps you get “you” back. We trace the early red flags, why we repeat familiar patterns, and the body-level toll (sleep, gut, jaw, hypervigilance) that keeps you on edge. 

PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT

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🔹 Two common trauma responses—flooding vs. minimizing: what to do if you either overwhelm others with pain or downplay what happened.

Dr. Jalali lays out a gentle, step-by-step plan that starts with naming what’s happening and accepting you’re not “overreacting.”

👉 Get immediate access to this extended interview: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MORE ABOUT DR. JALALI

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SHAHRZAD JALALI, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist. She completed an M.A. in Clinical Psychology (Marriage and Family Therapy) and received training during her internship in the field of addiction. She further received a Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology and completed a practicum training as well as pre-doctoral internship at a child and adolescent clinic, emphasizing human development and stages of growth. Dr. Jalali completed her post-doctoral fellowship in the adult track at several different private practices under the supervision of the numerous mentors specializing in depth work, couples’ and sex therapy, and trauma. She approaches her patients from a bio/psycho/social perspective that emphasizes the role of relationships in the evaluation of the sense of self.   

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

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Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

“My abuser claims he’s ‘trauma bonded’ to me…Can that be true?

This week’s Fan Mail question comes from a listener on YouTube who wants to know how common it is for an abusive partner to be trauma bonded. Hers claims to be. She’s wonders if this true or if her partner is attempting to dodge responsibility. 

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If you’d like your question addressed on air, send it here: 

👉 https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/fan-mail

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Has your adult child gone no contact? Cut off all communication with you? Are you struggling to figure out how to repair things with them?

There’s an alarming trend of adult children walking away from family connections called parental estrangement. Why is going no contact becoming the go-to way of handling strained relationships? And what can you do if it happens to you?

This week, psychologist and author Dr. Joshua Coleman, author of Rules of Estrangement, joins Dr. Kerry to unpack why estrangement is on the rise and what actually helps parents reopen the door.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview

Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.

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🔹 When the problem isn’t just your child: in-laws as gatekeepers, grandkids used as leverage, and disrespect that crosses the line. In this members-only bonus, Dr. Joshua Coleman offers practical solutions, like boundary scripts, de-escalation moves, and how to say “no” to money requests. 

👉 Get immediate access to this extended interview: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse 

MORE ABOUT DR. JOSH COLEMAN 

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• Book: Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict

DR. JOSHUA COLEMAN is a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area and a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, a non-partisan organization of leading sociologists, historians, psychologists and demographers dedicated to providing the press and public with the latest research and best practice findings about American families. 

He is a frequent contributor to the Washington Post "Ask a Therapist" column and has also written for The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, Scientific American, NBC THINK, The Behavioral Scientist, CNN, MarketWatch, the San Francisco Chronicle, Greater Good Magazine, AEON, Huffington Post, Psychology Today, Variety, and more. He has given talks to the faculties at Harvard, the Weill Cornell Department of Psychiatry, UC Irvine, and other academic institutions. 

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

“Can narcissists or psychopaths ever live moral lives?”

This week’s Fan Mail question comes from a listener who asks: “Do you think there are some narcissists or psychopaths who genuinely try to live moral lives—perhaps guided by religion or conscience—or are they all just pretending?”

Her question was prompted by years of watching her ex, a man she believes to be a malignant narcissist, play the part of a “righteous” and religious man in public while being manipulative and cruel in private.

In this episode, Dr. Kerry explores the complex intersection between moral development, conscience, and personality disorders.

Submit Your Question 

If you’d like your question addressed on air, send it here: 👉 https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/fan-mail 

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Ever wonder why you keep attracting the same kind of person—the ones who feel magnetic at first but end up draining you emotionally?

This week, therapist and author Jessica Baum, creator of Anxiously Attached and SAFE: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building Secure Relationships, joins Dr. Kerry to explore the hidden attachment wounds that pull us toward toxic partners. 

Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview

Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.

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🔹 What does healing really look like after a narcissistic or toxic relationship? In this members-only bonus, therapist and author Jessica Baum dives deep into the real work of recovery—how safety, connection, and self-compassion rebuild what trauma once broke.

👉 Get immediate access to this extended interview: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MORE ABOUT JESSICA BAUM 

• GIFT FOR LISTENERS
• Website
• Book - SAFE: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships
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JESSICA BAUM, is a licensed psychotherapist whose journey began with a lifelong curiosity about the “Whys” of life—why we feel, connect, and experience the world the way we do. This passion led her to specialize in trauma, attachment theory, and interpersonal neurobiology. Jessica is the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, a private group practice, and she leads a global coaching company offering support to clients worldwide. 

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

“How can someone seem loving for years—then suddenly turn cruel?”

This week’s Fan Mail revisits a letter that struck a nerve with listeners. A woman wrote about her daughter-in-law, who had seemed like a wonderful addition to the family for seven years—until she “suddenly turned into a monster.”

But after the episode aired, Dr. Kerry received another listener’s response who offered the opposite perspective: “I was in a 23-year marriage marked by coercive control and escalating abuse. My in-laws adored me—until I began calling out my husband’s behavior. Then they rallied around him and turned on me.”

In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks six possible explanations for why someone may seem to “suddenly change” in a relationship or family dynamic.

Submit Your Question

If you’d like your question addressed on air, send it here:  👉 https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/fan-mail

Stay in Touch With Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Ever feel blindsided by someone who seemed charming, helpful, or even caring—only to realize later they were quietly dismantling your peace?

This week, conflict expert Bill Eddy, author of The Five Types of People That Ruin Your Life, joins Dr. Kerry to unpack the five high-conflict personality types most likely to cause chaos in relationships, workplaces, and families.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview

Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. 

More About the Podcast Extra Interview 

🔹 What do you do when walking away from a toxic or high-conflict person feels impossible? In this members-only bonus, Bill Eddy breaks down his CARS Method—a practical framework to stay calm, set firm limits, and respond strategically when emotions run high. 

👉 Get immediate access to this extended interview: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MORE ABOUT BILL EDDY

Website

Book - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities

BILL EDDY, LCSW, Esq. is HCI’s co-founder and Director of Innovation. While pioneering High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP), he was the National Conflict Resolution Center’s Senior Family Mediator for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist for 15 years, and a licensed clinical social worker and therapist for over 12 years.

He is the author or co-author of over 20 books, manuals, and workbooks. He also has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with millions of views. He co-hosts the podcast It’s All Your Fault! with HCI co-founder Megan Hunter. 

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

“Why does my ex always blame me when the kids want nothing to do with him?”

This week’s Fan Mail comes from a listener in Rochester, New York, who writes about the heartbreak of watching her children pull away from their abusive father, only to be blamed for it.

Her ex insists she’s turned the kids against him, while his family defends him as “such a good man” who’s “done so much for us.”

In this episode, Dr. Kerry explains how emotionally immature and abusive individuals deflect accountability, making others feel guilty for the natural consequences of their own harmful behavior.

Submit Your Question

If you’d like your question addressed on air, send it here:  👉 https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/fan-mail

Stay in Touch With Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

Ever feel like your relationship was the most intoxicating connection of your life—only to discover shocking lies and betrayal later?

This week, intimacy expert Gary Katz reveals how narcissists protect themselves by keeping secrets, building false connections, and manipulating trust—and why survivors are often left questioning their own instincts.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Interview

Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here.

More About the Podcast Extra Interview

🔹 Think your relationship is missing intimacy, but not sure why? In this members-only bonus, Katz shares practical tools to reignite connection, repair conflict, and restore closeness—even if years of avoidance or emotional neglect have taken their toll.

👉 Get immediate access to this extended interview

MORE ABOUT GARY KATZ:

Center for Intimacy Recovery

GARY KATZ, M.S.W., C.S.A.T., C.P.T.T. is a psychotherapist and founder of The Center for Intimacy Recovery in New York. With over two decades of experience in education and advanced clinical training in sex addiction and partner trauma, he helps individuals and couples heal from betrayal and rediscover authentic connection. When he’s not working with clients, Gary enjoys walking the streets of New York, reflecting on the resilience of the human heart, and spending time with his family.

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.

What do you do when the evidence points to betrayal, but your partner insists you’re crazy?

This week’s Fan Mail comes from a listener in Atlanta, Georgia, who describes the heartbreak of suspecting her husband of nearly 50 years is living a double life. Despite finding suspicious phone activity and even an STD clinic reference, her husband denies everything—blaming and belittling her instead.

In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the signs of DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender), explains why being called “crazy” is psychological abuse, and shares what to do when you feel destabilized by betrayal trauma. She also offers practical next steps—from documenting evidence to protecting digital privacy—to help regain clarity and safety.

Submit Your Question

If you’d like your question addressed on air, send it here: 👉 https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/fan-mail

Stay in Touch With Dr. Kerry!

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More About Dr. Kerry

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist and author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. Her blogs have been featured in Mamami, YourTango, Scary Mommy, and The Good Men Project. 

In Love You More, Dr. McAvoy gives an uncensored glimpse into her survival of narcissistic abuse, and her workbook, First Steps to Leaving a Narcissist, helps victims break free from the confusion common in abusive relationships. She hosts the Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse podcast and offers trauma-related advice on social media.

Submit your question to be answered on air to the Fan Mail link below!

Support the show

Disclaimer: This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.