What if an entire generation is emotionally stuck in childhood—and doesn't even know it?

In this compelling guest appearance on The Steph and Craig Show, Tony dives deep into what he calls "the emotional immaturity epidemic" that's quietly sabotaging relationships everywhere.

Discover the hidden patterns that keep adults reacting like children: black-and-white thinking that destroys nuance, magical thinking that avoids reality, and the exhausting habit of managing everyone else's emotions instead of allowing people to have their own experiences. Through real-life examples and practical insights, you'll learn to recognize these childhood survival strategies that have become adult relationship roadblocks.

Whether you're the people-pleaser who can't say no, the perfectionist who fears vulnerability, or the controller trying to manage everyone's feelings, this conversation offers eye-opening insights into how these patterns formed—and more importantly, how to outgrow them.

What you'll discover: • Why emotional reasoning ("I feel it, so it must be true") sabotages relationships • How childhood adaptations become adult limitations

• Practical tools for recognizing your own emotional immaturity patterns • Actionable strategies for developing genuine emotional maturity

Ready to stop reacting from your inner child and start responding from your wise adult self? This episode will show you exactly where to begin.

Find The Steph and Craig Show at stephandcraig.co

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:34 Guest Introduction: Steph and Craig

02:22 Emotional Immaturity Epidemic

04:18 Therapy Insights and Personal Anecdotes

05:24 Interview Begins: Revisiting Past Conversations

06:52 Emotional Weight in Relationships

09:55 Understanding Emotional Immaturity

13:02 Inner Child and Emotional Development

27:35 Black and White Thinking in Relationships

30:55 Reflecting on Past Behaviors

31:53 The Power of Language in Relationships

33:07 Understanding Black or White Thinking

34:45 Magical Thinking and Emotional Maturity

43:12 Emotional Reasoning in Adults

58:46 Navigating Faith and Personal Validation

01:00:13 The Impact of External Validation on Self-Identity

01:00:42 The Role of Accountability and Magical Thinking

01:01:16 Spiritual Perspectives on Differentiation

01:02:37 Emotional Boundaries and Responsibility

01:04:35 Navigating Emotional Charges in Relationships

01:06:48 The Journey of Emotional Maturity

01:11:30 Mind Reading and Assumptions in Relationships

01:16:10 The Continuous Learning Process

01:23:31 The Importance of Emotional Maturity

01:26:05 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Contact Tony at [email protected] to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.

And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line. 

Are you truly being curious—or just trying to win the argument? Tony explores the difference between genuine curiosity and performative questions, sharing real-life examples and tools to help you respond with emotional maturity, not reactivity. Learn how curiosity can transform your relationships.

00:00 Introduction and Host Background

01:42 Understanding Performative vs. Genuine Curiosity

02:04 A Personal Story About Curiosity

08:50 The Importance of Genuine Curiosity in Relationships

19:10 Self-Regulation and Emotional Maturity

24:18 Promoting Genuine Curiosity in Parenting

26:17 The Role of Humility in Curiosity

29:41 Healthy Ego vs. Defensive Narcissism

35:03 The Neuroscience of Decision Making and Emotions

37:06 The Power of Slowing Down

37:36 Understanding Emotions: Primary, Secondary, and Instrumental

41:02 Exploring Anger in Relationships

42:48 Trusting Your Gut and Emotional Reasoning

45:41 Addressing Men's Emotional Immaturity

48:55 Real-Life Examples of Genuine Curiosity

53:42 Parenting with Curiosity

55:09 Curiosity in Marriage and Workplace

59:47 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Tools

01:02:15 Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation

01:05:20 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Contact Tony at [email protected] to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.

And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line. 

How many times have you been told you were too sensitive? Or accused of overreacting? Maybe you’ve heard things like, “It’s not a big deal,” “You need to calm down,” or “It was just a joke—why are you making this such a thing?” And each time, you questioned yourself. Was it really that bad? Were you imagining things? Because on their own, the comments, the criticisms, the passive-aggressive digs might seem small—hardly worth mentioning. But they kept happening. Over and over. Until you stopped trusting your own perception. That’s the nature of death by 1,000 cuts. It’s not the severity of one moment—it’s the slow, relentless erosion of your sense of self, done quietly enough that you begin to doubt whether you’re even bleeding at all.

In this ninth edition of the Death by 1,000 Cuts series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives even deeper into the subtle ways being in a relationship with the narcissist, or emotionally immature, erodes your sense of self, one dismissive comment, one double standard, one guilt trip at a time. Tony explains how this isn’t just about pain. It’s about power.

You’ll hear real stories from real people who’ve endured the emotional whiplash, the rewritten history, and the gaslighting—and who are waking up to their self-worth. He explores what happens when those who were meant to love us chip away at our confidence, and what it means to finally stop apologizing for noticing.

And Tony shares how to recognize eventually, and then celebrate the resilience of those who are still standing, not just after 1,000 cuts, but after every life they had to rebuild.

If you’ve ever felt like you were the only one keeping score of the damage—or the only one still fighting to heal—this episode is for you.

00:00 A True Story Begins

00:20 The Number Nine Debate

01:28 Mark's Research and Sarah's Reaction

03:17 The Argument Escalates

05:24 Mark's Apology and Internal Struggle

06:11 Mark's Conversation with Jim

07:05 Introduction to Death by a Thousand Cuts

08:58 Understanding Emotional Abuse

11:08 Listener's Email on Validation

14:45 Financial Control in Divorce

19:21 Emotional Betrayal in Vulnerability

22:44 The Car Disagreement

32:17 Emotional Immaturity and Self-Sufficiency

34:00 The Weaponization of Humor

37:27 The Impact of Passive-Aggressive Comments

47:38 Control and Manipulation in Relationships

50:31 Emotional Triangulation and Rewriting Narratives

54:57 Healing and Moving Forward

57:59 Mindfulness Prompt: The Cut and the Healing

What if the very strategies that saved you as a child are now sabotaging your adult relationships?

In Part 2 of Tony's series on emotional immaturity, discover why your most persistent relationship struggles aren't character flaws—they're outdated survival software still running in the background of your life.

Through the powerful ACT metaphor of "The Man in the Hole," you'll understand why working harder with familiar emotional tools only digs you deeper into relationship problems. When someone offers you a ladder out of your patterns, why do you keep trying to dig with it instead? This episode reveals how to recognize when it's time to put down the shovel of old coping strategies and climb toward something completely different.

Meet the clients who've made this transformation: the chronic fixer who learned to ask "what do you need from me?" instead of immediately solving, the humor-deflector who shocked a room into silence by sharing something real, and the lifelong people-pleaser whose hands shook as she said "no" for the first time—and discovered her marriage actually got stronger.

You'll explore Terry Real's revolutionary insight that childhood adaptations become adult roadblocks, learn the art of re-parenting yourself with compassion instead of criticism, and discover why emotional maturity isn't about never falling into old patterns—it's about recognizing when you're there and having new tools to respond.

Whether you struggle with hypervigilance, perfectionism, control issues, or people-pleasing tendencies, this episode offers a shame-free framework for honoring your inner child's brilliant survival strategies while empowering your adult self to take the lead. Because growth isn't about eliminating your protective parts—it's about expanding your repertoire of responses and choosing consciously instead of reacting automatically.

Ready to stop digging and start climbing? Your ladder awaits.

00:00 Introduction and Recap

01:23 The Story of Tyler

03:53 Tyler's Realization and Therapy

09:39 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Metaphor

15:46 Revisiting Emotional Immaturity

19:30 Reparenting Yourself

25:05 Examples of Reparenting in Action

29:00 Exploring Emotional Immaturity Traits

40:54 Recognizing and Validating Emotions

42:47 Dependence on External Validation

48:54 Taking Ownership and Accountability

51:49 Mind Reading and Communication

01:03:55 Hypervigilance and Emotional Containment

01:07:12 Perfectionism and Control

01:11:49 Integration and Emotional Maturity

01:15:57 Real-Life Examples of Emotional Growth

01:22:05 The Journey of Emotional Maturity

Are you constantly trying to please your mother but never feeling good enough? Do you take responsibility for her emotional well-being? If you've ever found yourself stuck in these patterns, this episode is essential listening — and men, don't skip this one! Host Tony Overbay discovered he might have a little "Good Daughter Syndrome" himself.

In this illuminating conversation, psychotherapist Katherine Fabrizio https://daughtersrising.info/ shares her 35 years of experience working with daughters of difficult mothers, including her own journey breaking away from practicing therapy alongside her controlling mother. With refreshing candor and hard-earned wisdom, Katherine reveals:

• The four psychological traps that keep "good daughters" stuck: the never good enough trap, the guilt trap, the self-doubt trap, and the mixed message trap
• Why setting even small boundaries can provide crucial data about your relationship
• How to break free without it being a "zero-sum game" where someone must lose
• Why your mother's narcissistic defenses will protect her, even when you start setting boundaries
• The paralyzing internal conflict of feeling selfish when you differentiate from mom
• 
  

With multiple awards, including Gold Medalist for Parenting & Relationships from The Global Book Awards, Katherine's book "The Good Daughter Syndrome" offers hope to those caught in these destructive dynamics.

Whether you identify as a "good daughter" or simply want to understand the complex mother-daughter relationship, this conversation provides actionable insights for reclaiming your sovereignty and building a life that truly belongs to you.

"When you wake up and realize you've been ceding your sovereignty to somebody else... it's incredibly empowering." - Katherine Fabrizio

00:00 Introduction and Announcements

01:35 Emotional Immaturity Epidemic

03:32 The Good Daughter Syndrome

08:12 Interview with Catherine Fabrizio

11:03 Catherine's Personal Journey

17:37 Understanding Narcissistic Dynamics

26:40 Setting Boundaries with Narcissistic Mothers

27:35 The Never Good Enough Trap

28:40 The Guilt Trap

29:11 Navigating Divorce and Co-Parenting

33:54 The Self-Doubt Trap

38:59 The Mixed Message Trap

46:23 Empowerment and Differentiation

48:53 Conclusion and Resources

Ever wondered why your brilliant mind can solve complex problems at work but completely breaks down during relationship conflicts? That's because those emotional reactions that feel so instinctive aren't flaws—they're actually genius survival strategies that once kept you safe. In this transformative episode, we explore how black-and-white thinking, mind-reading expectations, and external validation seeking were perfect childhood adaptations that have now become relationship roadblocks. Through the groundbreaking insight that behaviors which perfectly served us in childhood often become the very patterns that sabotage our adult relationships, you'll finally understand why you keep falling into familiar emotional patterns despite your best intentions.

This isn't just another episode about relationship struggles—it's a compassionate roadmap for emotional growth that honors both your wounded inner child and your emerging adult self. You'll discover how to recognize when you're in an emotional "hole" and why continuing to dig with familiar tools only takes you deeper. Most importantly, you'll learn how to pass the baton from your protective inner child to your capable adult self without shame or judgment. Whether you struggle with people-pleasing, emotional flooding, perfectionism, or control issues, this episode offers a strength-based approach to transform these patterns into mature responses that will revolutionize your relationships and bring a profound sense of internal peace.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:23 Listener Email: Mark's Story

01:41 Understanding Emotional Immaturity

04:47 Exploring the Emotional Maturity Spectrum

08:47 Introducing the Emotional Architects Group

09:29 Narcissistic Personality Disorder vs. Emotional Immaturity

11:08 Dinner with Daniel: A Narcissistic Narrative

15:47 Stages of Emotional Maturity

26:18 Childhood Behaviors in Adult Bodies

32:45 Understanding Emotional Blueprints

33:07 Re-parenting with Compassion

33:32 Therapeutic Insights from Fiction

34:23 Frozen Moments and Adult Relationships

35:16 Childhood Adaptations in Adult Life

36:17 Exploring Childlike Behaviors in Adults

36:57 Navigating Emotional Development

41:34 Black or White Thinking

44:43 Magical Thinking in Relationships

47:46 Emotional Reasoning and Codependency

52:32 External Validation and Accountability

55:41 Mind Reading and Projection

01:01:32 Pattern Recognition and Familiarity

01:07:12 Path Toward Emotional Maturity

01:07:52 Conclusion and Next Steps

Have you ever found yourself wondering, How can someone possibly believe that? Or maybe you've questioned your own beliefs after bumping up against someone else's certainty? You're not alone.

In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the complexities of perception, truth, and emotional maturity. He explores how individuals often encounter differing viewpoints—especially in today’s social media-driven world—and how those experiences can lead to frustration, confusion, and even self-doubt.

Using concepts like Umwelt and the importance of distinguishing between objective facts and subjective experiences, Tony offers insight into how each person’s unique background and personal history shape the way they see and move through the world.

Through personal stories and reflections, he emphasizes the power of curiosity, empathy, and openness in building real, meaningful connections. Tony also shares parts of his own professional and spiritual journey, including the impact of his faith crisis, and how discomfort can often become a catalyst for deep personal growth.

He reflects on the therapist-client relationship, unpacking the balance between professional boundaries and genuine emotional connection. And as always, Tony encourages listeners to embrace curiosity, hold healthy boundaries, and continue showing up as their most authentic selves.

00:00 Introduction: The Frustration of Misunderstanding

02:11 Exploring the Concept of 'Truth'

03:08 Host Introduction and Social Media Presence

04:21 Personal Story: Spinal Surgery Experience

05:26 Diving into the Topic of 'Truth' and Perception

07:15 The German Concept of Umwelt

12:22 Faith Journeys and Personal Perceptions

14:41 Emotional Maturity and Sense of Self

27:53 Job Interviews and Authenticity

32:13 Case Study: Spiritual Expectations

35:42 Thriving Without Sleep

35:52 The Faith Crisis Hits

35:59 Understanding the Pendulum Swing

36:15 Unique Faith Journeys

37:06 Embracing Personal Growth

37:25 The Beauty of Diverse Faith Outcomes

37:48 Navigating Faith Deconstruction

38:42 The Reframe: Moving Forward

38:53 Faith in Yourself and God

39:06 Riding Without Training Wheels

39:31 Respecting Different Journeys

40:04 The Hero's Journey

40:21 Helping Others Through Faith Crisis

40:56 Developing a Strong Sense of Self

41:29 Working with Faith Leaders

42:03 Emotional Immaturity in Faith Communities

42:41 The Power of Parables

43:14 Unspoken Pressures in Religious Settings

43:44 The Hypothetical Couple: Jack and Jill

45:59 Humanistic Therapy Principles

47:46 Intermittent Reinforcement and Trauma Bonding

48:58 The Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation

50:57 Separating Observations from Judgments

56:25 The Therapist's Emotional Journey

58:06 The Paradox of Therapy

01:02:11 Navigating Discomfort in Relationships

01:04:20 Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement

Have you ever found yourself behaving in ways you never thought possible—slamming doors, raising your voice, or saying hurtful things—after months or years of emotional manipulation? In today's powerful episode of "Waking Up to Narcissism," we explore the crucial distinction between true abuse and what's often mislabeled as "reactive abuse." Through compelling real-life scenarios and expert analysis, you'll discover why these reactions don't make you "just as bad" and how pathologically kind people often find themselves paired with emotionally immature partners in breakup-resistant relationships.

What if the shame you feel about your reactions is actually keeping you trapped in harmful dynamics? Join us as we unpack how to recognize the difference between healthy kindness and self-erasure, identify patterns of emotional immaturity, and reclaim your narrative from those who benefit from your self-doubt. This episode offers not just understanding, but a transformative path forward for anyone who's ever looked in the mirror and wondered, "Have I become the very thing I feared?"

00:00 Introduction and Current Events

00:14 Emotional Immaturity in Everyday Life

03:07 Defining Emotional Maturity

04:46 The Persistence of Emotional Immaturity

07:28 Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Immaturity

09:38 A Real-Life Scenario: Sarah and Mike

13:58 Understanding Reactive Response

26:25 Pathological Kindness vs. Emotional Immaturity

35:42 Understanding Emotionally Immature Behaviors

36:22 The Human Magnet Syndrome

37:21 Codependency and Reactive Responses

38:51 Examples of Reactive Responses

46:10 The Cycle Leading to Reactive Responses

54:24 Differentiation and Balance

58:56 Reframing Reactive Responses

01:03:38 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com

If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com

In this episode of The Virtual Couch Presents: Waking Up to Narcissism, host Tony Overbay explores the transformative journey of healing from relationships with emotionally immature or narcissistic partners. With the popularity of the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' series, Tony introduces a new perspective—'Growth by a Thousand Stitches.' The episode features real stories from listeners who have found strength and self-worth through small, impactful victories. Tony delves into various categories such as reclaiming simple joys, embracing self-care, setting healthy boundaries, and rediscovering personal identity. This episode is filled with hope, tangible steps towards healing, and inspiring testimonials that underscore the power of self-love and personal growth. Subscribe, share, and join Tony and his community on this journey of healing and transformation.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:21 The Impact of 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'

05:08 Understanding Switzerland Friends

09:15 The Healing Journey Begins

14:51 Reclaiming Simple Joys

16:57 Physical and Emotional Self-Care

18:52 Creating Safe Spaces

20:44 Building New Relationships

21:55 The Power of Boundaries

23:31 Rediscovering Identity

24:19 Finding Joy in Forbidden Activities

26:12 Embracing Imperfection

27:14 Processing Emotions

28:57 Creating New Traditions

29:30 Building Self-Trust

32:32 Learning to Take Up Space

33:26 Embracing Spiritual and Personal Growth

33:55 Finding Strength in Community

35:27 Creating New Measures of Success

36:17 Embracing Self-Care Without Guilt

38:57 Setting Healthy Boundaries

40:01 Finding Joy in the Present

40:27 Conclusion: The Journey of Healing

If you are interested in joining Tony's private Facebook group for women in narcissistic or emotionally immature relationships of any type, please reach out to him at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP://www.tonyoverbay.com

If you are a man interested in joining Tony's "Emotional Architects" group to learn how to better navigate your relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally immature partner or learn how to become more emotionally mature yourself, please reach out to Tony at [email protected] or through the form on the website, HTTP:www.tonyoverbay.com

Have you ever been told you're 'too sensitive' or that you need to ‘get over it,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ but that only causes you to worry more, or feel less connected to others, or even yourself? Or have you been told that your sensitivity must mean you're on the autism spectrum? Or are you on the autisim spectrum and can you also identify with many of the characteristics of Highly Sensitive People? With over 2.2 million views and hundreds of comments on recent viral videos about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), it's clear this topic strikes a nerve. Drawing from his experience working with both HSPs and individuals with ASD, Tony dives deep into why these distinct experiences are often confused - and why understanding the difference isn't just interesting, it's essential for creating a more empathetic world.

Through viral video statistics, personal anecdotes, and real-world examples, he breaks down how HSPs (representing 15-20% of the population) and individuals with ASD navigate life differently. From sensory processing to social dynamics, discover why that deep emotional processing might actually be an evolutionary advantage rather than a disorder. Along the way, the discussion explores how ADHD and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) intersect with these experiences.

This episode provides crucial insights into recognizing, understanding, and supporting both HSPs and individuals with ASD. Whether questioning your own experiences or trying to better understand someone else's, listeners will find the clarity and validation they've been seeking. Perfect for anyone who's ever felt misunderstood about their sensitivity or confused about where they fit in the neurodiversity spectrum. Join Tony for an eye-opening discussion that might just change how you see yourself - or someone you love."

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:30 The Viral Video on Highly Sensitive People

01:04 Behind the Scenes: Social Media Stats

02:05 Addressing Misconceptions and Personal Insights

03:26 A Personal Anecdote: The Butterfly Bandage

04:12 Responding to Drive-By Comments

04:29 Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSP) vs Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

07:27 Story Time: Sarah and Michael's Interaction

18:57 The Evolutionary Purpose of High Sensitivity

21:39 Traits and Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People

29:17 Challenges Faced by Highly Sensitive People

33:59 The Importance of Curiosity and Understanding

35:30 Understanding Human Uniqueness

36:22 Fascinating Facts About Human Preferences

37:22 The Complexity of Sensitivity

39:20 Exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

40:49 Comparing HSP and ASD Sensory Experiences

54:50 Social Interactions: HSP vs. ASD

01:00:47 Nonverbal Communication Differences

01:04:26 Emotional Energy and Social Fatigue

01:08:05 Final Thoughts and Listener Engagement