Abusers often hide behind confusion — denying intent, twisting reality, and framing your hurt as an overreaction. What starts as a simple disagreement turns into you questioning your memory, your emotions, and your sanity. 

I share how this pattern plays out in everyday moments, from small promises broken to emotional gaslighting that keeps survivors trapped in cycles of guilt and self-doubt.

If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I don’t even know what’s real anymore,” this episode will help you understand why — and remind you that what you feel is valid, even when someone insists it’s not.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This episode builds off of last weeks where I disussed DARVO in Family Court. I cover exactly how to capture DARVO behavior in a way that lawyers, GALs, and court professionals can actually understand.

You’ll learn how to:

• Identify the denial, attack, and role reversal phases in real-time.
• Translate emotional chaos into factual, court-readable documentation.
• Recognize when the abuser is using the legal system as a weapon.
• Communicate patterns to your attorney without being dismissed or labeled “high conflict.”

This episode will help you see that what’s happening isn’t “miscommunication” — it’s manipulation, and you can show the truth, clearly and strategically, without losing yourself in the process.

For more support, visit emotionalabusecoach.com and https://jessicaknight.thinkific.com/courses/documentation

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

November is Family Court Awareness Month, a time to shed light on a system that too often fails to protect survivors and their children. In this episode, I explore what happens when a court system that frequently reframes abuse as “conflict,” rewards manipulation, and punishes protective parents for trying to keep their kids safe.

I walk through:

• What Family Court Awareness Month is and why it matters.
• How the legal system can retraumatize survivors and reward abusers who appear calm, logical, and “reasonable.”
• The emotional and strategic toll of trying to protect your child while being gaslit by institutions meant to help.
• How survivors are adapting—learning to document, regulate, and think strategically to protect themselves and their children.

If you’re currently navigating family court, divorce, or co-parenting with a high-conflict person, I offer one-on-one coaching and specialized strategy sessions to help you document, organize, and stay grounded through the process.

👉 Explore one-on-one coaching, courses, and survivor resources at emotionalabusecoach.com and highconflictdivorcecoaching.com

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

If you’ve ever felt like your abuser managed to twist the truth so completely that you ended up defending yourself against their behavior — this episode is for you.

Today, I’m breaking down DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — and how it shows up in divorce and custody cases. DARVO is psychological warfare disguised as concern. It’s the reason you end up explaining, over and over, why following a court order isn’t “withholding,” or why setting a boundary isn’t “abuse.”

We’ll walk through:

• What DARVO actually means — and why it’s so effective in family court.
• Real examples of how it plays out in co-parenting communication.
• How to respond when your protective actions are reframed as “control.”
• Practical steps to document and communicate clearly when this pattern appears.

If you’ve been accused of being the problem simply for following the plan, this episode will help you see what’s really happening — and how to get back to solid ground.

You can find the documentation course, my “Divorcing a Narcissist 101” course, and more tools to support your case and your nervous system at emotionalabusecoach.com
or highconflictdivorcecoaching.com
.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Not every discard looks like a dramatic blow-up. Sometimes it comes quietly — through silence, stonewalling, and indifference. That kind of ending can be even more destabilizing, because it leaves no scene to point to, only the hollow feeling that something is over.

This episode unpacks what it means to be discarded in this way, how it twists reality and casts you as the villain, and why holding your boundaries in the face of emotional withdrawal is an act of self-preservation. If you’ve ever been left with the ache of “Did that really happen?” this conversation will help you see the pattern clearly and remind you that you’re not crazy for feeling the way you do.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This week, I’m sharing a private Q&A episode usually reserved for my Patreon and Substack members. I wanted to make this one public because it speaks to something so many survivors struggle with: the pull of the trauma bond, the shame that lingers, and the confusion around whether someone has truly changed.

In this episode, I answer two powerful listener questions:

1️⃣ How do I stop the shame and craving when I’m still trauma bonded?
2️⃣ How do I know if my ex is really changing — or if it’s just the cycle repeating itself?

We talk about what’s really happening in your body when you crave the “good version” of them, how to starve the cycle without starving yourself, and how to recognize when “healing language” is being used as another form of manipulation.

If this episode resonates, there’s a whole archive of private Q&As, coaching deep dives, and exclusive content waiting for you on Patreon and Substack. You can submit your own questions, join private discussions, and get access to extended episodes and strategy sessions I don’t share anywhere else.

📍Patreon: patreon.com/youarenotcrazy

💻 Coaching, courses, and resources: emotionalabusecoach.com

📰 Substack: jessicaknightcoaching.substack.com

 

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I explain how abusers redefine what abuse is, minimize their actions, and use comparisons to “someone worse” as a shield from accountability. I break down how they weaponize therapeutic language, flip the script so boundaries look like cruelty, and create a public image that leaves survivors questioning their own reality.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Trauma bonds aren’t about shared hardship or difficult experiences. They’re cycles of abuse and relief that hook your brain and body like an addiction. That’s why it feels impossible to just “get over it.”

In this episode, I break down what trauma bonding really is—and what it isn’t. I talk about how intermittent reinforcement keeps survivors stuck, why naming it matters, and why treating it like an addiction can open a path back to yourself.

You’ll hear practical ways to start loosening the bond, even if you’re not ready for big steps yet. Whether that means muting their social media, setting one small boundary, or shifting your focus back to your own needs, this episode is here to remind you: you’re not crazy, you’re trauma bonded—and you can begin to reclaim your power one choice at a time.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance.

This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting, projection, and DARVO are used to destabilize you. It also explores the difference between genuine conflict resolution and the subtle ways control masquerades as care, calmness, or insight.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your pain became the problem, you’ll learn how to spot the pattern, trust your reality, and start reclaiming your clarity.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Family court is a system that doesn’t run on empathy — and that can be one of the hardest realities for survivors to face. In this episode, I share the lessons I’ve learned about communicating with attorneys while navigating years of custody battles and post-separation abuse.

You’ll hear why sending every message, email, or update in real time can backfire, how to frame patterns in a way that lawyers and judges can’t ignore, and what it means to “play chess instead of checkers” when you’re up against an abusive ex. I also talk about the impossible balancing act survivors are forced into: document everything, but don’t be “too emotional.”

If you’ve ever felt dismissed, minimized, or like your lawyer just doesn’t get it, this conversation will give you strategies to shift how you present your case — without abandoning your truth.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner