Trauma bonds aren’t about shared hardship or difficult experiences. They’re cycles of abuse and relief that hook your brain and body like an addiction. That’s why it feels impossible to just “get over it.”

In this episode, I break down what trauma bonding really is—and what it isn’t. I talk about how intermittent reinforcement keeps survivors stuck, why naming it matters, and why treating it like an addiction can open a path back to yourself.

You’ll hear practical ways to start loosening the bond, even if you’re not ready for big steps yet. Whether that means muting their social media, setting one small boundary, or shifting your focus back to your own needs, this episode is here to remind you: you’re not crazy, you’re trauma bonded—and you can begin to reclaim your power one choice at a time.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance.

This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting, projection, and DARVO are used to destabilize you. It also explores the difference between genuine conflict resolution and the subtle ways control masquerades as care, calmness, or insight.

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your pain became the problem, you’ll learn how to spot the pattern, trust your reality, and start reclaiming your clarity.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Family court is a system that doesn’t run on empathy — and that can be one of the hardest realities for survivors to face. In this episode, I share the lessons I’ve learned about communicating with attorneys while navigating years of custody battles and post-separation abuse.

You’ll hear why sending every message, email, or update in real time can backfire, how to frame patterns in a way that lawyers and judges can’t ignore, and what it means to “play chess instead of checkers” when you’re up against an abusive ex. I also talk about the impossible balancing act survivors are forced into: document everything, but don’t be “too emotional.”

If you’ve ever felt dismissed, minimized, or like your lawyer just doesn’t get it, this conversation will give you strategies to shift how you present your case — without abandoning your truth.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as craving love. I’ll share real strategies to interrupt the cycle, reframe your thoughts, and take the long-game approach toward freedom—without shaming yourself for how hard it feels.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the loop of wanting the very person who hurt you, this is your reminder: the craving is not proof you should go back.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This episode takes a deep dive into the realities of co-parenting and divorcing a high-conflict person. I answer some of the most common questions I hear from survivors—like how to handle manipulation of your child, what to do when the other parent lies about you, what parallel parenting really looks like, and how to survive smear campaigns and legal abuse.

You’ll hear the patterns I see over and over again in these cases—fake “redemption arcs,” crisis creation before court, love-bombing during divorce, and more—and how to recognize them without getting hooked. This isn’t legal advice; it’s strategy, grounded in lived experience and years of coaching people through the marathon of high-conflict divorce and post-separation abuse.

If you’re navigating chaos, this episode will help you see the landscape more clearly, name what’s happening, and start building your own counter-strategy centered on your safety, your sanity, and your long-term peace.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I’m sharing the truth about a trauma bond I was in—how it formed, why I stayed, and what it took to finally break free. This isn’t a highlight reel or a neatly packaged story. It’s the messy reality of living in a cycle of harm and hope, of being pulled in and pushed away, of mistaking control for care.

If you’ve ever been asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?”—or asked yourself the same thing—I want you to know this episode isn’t about shame. It’s about understanding. It’s about the hooks that keep you tied to someone who hurts you, the ways your nervous system gets rewired to see pain as love, and the hope that becomes the glue keeping you in place.

I’ll walk you through the moments I clung to, the patterns I couldn’t see until I was out, and the shift that finally allowed me to step away. My hope is that by the end, you’ll see yourself more clearly—whether you’re still in it, rebuilding after it, or trying to make sense of it years later.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as craving love.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This episode is a little different. Instead of diving into a specific topic, I’m sharing updates, announcements, and all the ways you can work with me.

If you’re new here—or wondering what I offer beyond the podcast—you’ll hear about:

• Upcoming divorce-focused episodes and why I’m expanding the podcast to include them.
• My Substack and daily writing for survivors.
• Self-paced courses on emotional abuse, boundaries, documentation for court, and breaking trauma bonds.
• Coaching options: intro calls, validation calls, and ongoing support.
• Why personalized, trauma-informed support matters and how to connect directly.

Whether you’re seeking clarity, ongoing guidance, or just curious about my work, this episode gives you a clear map of what’s available.

🌐 Learn more at emotionalabusecoach.com

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Sexual coercion is one of the most misunderstood and silenced forms of abuse. It’s not seduction. It’s not miscommunication. It’s pressure, guilt, manipulation, and punishment used to get sex when you’ve already said no, shown hesitation, or felt unsafe. It’s not about intimacy—it’s about power and control.

This is a bonus episode from Unhooked—my private podcast series for survivors breaking free from emotional abuse.

In this episode, I break down how sexual coercion works, the subtle (and not‑so‑subtle) ways it shows up, and how it maps directly into the cycle of abuse. You’ll learn:

• What sexual coercion actually is—and what it isn’t
• Examples of how it sounds and why survivors often can’t name it in the moment
• How coercion weaves through the tension‑building, incident, reconciliation, and calm stages of the abuse cycle
• The emotional and body‑based trauma responses it creates, including dissociation and loss of sexual agency
• Why “yes” isn’t real consent if it’s given out of fear, exhaustion, guilt, or to avoid conflict

If you’ve experienced this but never had the words for it, this episode will help you see it, name it, and understand that it is abuse.

This bonus episode is part of Unhooked: Mapping the Cycle of Abuse—a private podcast where we break down each phase of the abuse cycle, explore trauma bonding in depth, and help you reclaim your clarity, your nervous system, and your sense of self.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

They’re kind again… so does that mean they’ve changed? In this episode, we unpack why the “nice” version is part of the abuse cycle — and how to tell the difference between real change and a calculated reset.

One of the most confusing parts of an emotionally abusive relationship is when the cruelty suddenly stops — and the “nice” version of the person shows up. Maybe they’re warmer, calmer, even kind for a while. You start to wonder… are they finally changing? Was I wrong about the abuse?

In this episode, I break down why that “nice” version isn’t separate from the abuse — it’s part of the cycle. We’ll explore how kindness can be used as a tactic, why it often appears when you’re pulling away or setting boundaries, and how intermittent reinforcement keeps you hooked in the trauma bond.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner