I’m sharing the truth about a trauma bond I was in—how it formed, why I stayed, and what it took to finally break free. This isn’t a highlight reel or a neatly packaged story. It’s the messy reality of living in a cycle of harm and hope, of being pulled in and pushed away, of mistaking control for care.

If you’ve ever been asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?”—or asked yourself the same thing—I want you to know this episode isn’t about shame. It’s about understanding. It’s about the hooks that keep you tied to someone who hurts you, the ways your nervous system gets rewired to see pain as love, and the hope that becomes the glue keeping you in place.

I’ll walk you through the moments I clung to, the patterns I couldn’t see until I was out, and the shift that finally allowed me to step away. My hope is that by the end, you’ll see yourself more clearly—whether you’re still in it, rebuilding after it, or trying to make sense of it years later.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as craving love.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

This episode is a little different. Instead of diving into a specific topic, I’m sharing updates, announcements, and all the ways you can work with me.

If you’re new here—or wondering what I offer beyond the podcast—you’ll hear about:

• Upcoming divorce-focused episodes and why I’m expanding the podcast to include them.
• My Substack and daily writing for survivors.
• Self-paced courses on emotional abuse, boundaries, documentation for court, and breaking trauma bonds.
• Coaching options: intro calls, validation calls, and ongoing support.
• Why personalized, trauma-informed support matters and how to connect directly.

Whether you’re seeking clarity, ongoing guidance, or just curious about my work, this episode gives you a clear map of what’s available.

🌐 Learn more at emotionalabusecoach.com

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Sexual coercion is one of the most misunderstood and silenced forms of abuse. It’s not seduction. It’s not miscommunication. It’s pressure, guilt, manipulation, and punishment used to get sex when you’ve already said no, shown hesitation, or felt unsafe. It’s not about intimacy—it’s about power and control.

This is a bonus episode from Unhooked—my private podcast series for survivors breaking free from emotional abuse.

In this episode, I break down how sexual coercion works, the subtle (and not‑so‑subtle) ways it shows up, and how it maps directly into the cycle of abuse. You’ll learn:

• What sexual coercion actually is—and what it isn’t
• Examples of how it sounds and why survivors often can’t name it in the moment
• How coercion weaves through the tension‑building, incident, reconciliation, and calm stages of the abuse cycle
• The emotional and body‑based trauma responses it creates, including dissociation and loss of sexual agency
• Why “yes” isn’t real consent if it’s given out of fear, exhaustion, guilt, or to avoid conflict

If you’ve experienced this but never had the words for it, this episode will help you see it, name it, and understand that it is abuse.

This bonus episode is part of Unhooked: Mapping the Cycle of Abuse—a private podcast where we break down each phase of the abuse cycle, explore trauma bonding in depth, and help you reclaim your clarity, your nervous system, and your sense of self.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

They’re kind again… so does that mean they’ve changed? In this episode, we unpack why the “nice” version is part of the abuse cycle — and how to tell the difference between real change and a calculated reset.

One of the most confusing parts of an emotionally abusive relationship is when the cruelty suddenly stops — and the “nice” version of the person shows up. Maybe they’re warmer, calmer, even kind for a while. You start to wonder… are they finally changing? Was I wrong about the abuse?

In this episode, I break down why that “nice” version isn’t separate from the abuse — it’s part of the cycle. We’ll explore how kindness can be used as a tactic, why it often appears when you’re pulling away or setting boundaries, and how intermittent reinforcement keeps you hooked in the trauma bond.

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

In this raw and validating conversation, fitness expert and former pro athlete Holly Rilinger shares her first public telling of the emotional abuse she endured inside a long-term relationship that looked perfect on the outside.

Holly opens up about how the relationship began with admiration and love bombing, then slowly eroded her confidence, identity, and sense of self. From subtle criticisms about her appearance to the complete absence of repair after conflict, she found herself living in constant fatigue, self-doubt, and silence — all while running a successful fitness business and motivating others to feel strong in their own skin.

The discussion unpacks the patterns of narcissistic abuse, the manufactured discard, the loss of identity, and the physical toll of living in fight-or-flight for years. Holly reflects on the moment a friend finally witnessed the behavior, how she began waking up to the truth, and the small ways she’s reclaiming her body, voice, and power in the seven months since leaving.

If you’ve ever questioned your reality in a relationship that looked “fine” to the outside world but felt like slow erasure on the inside, Holly’s story will remind you that you’re not crazy — and that healing is possible.

You can follow Holly here: https://www.theliftedmethodcoaching.com/

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Most survivors don’t start by asking “Is this abuse?” They ask “Why do I feel crazy?”

This episode dives deep into the emotional confusion that defines so many abusive dynamics—especially when gaslighting, blame-shifting, and chronic invalidation are at play. If you’ve ever found yourself apologizing after being hurt, doubting your memory, or shrinking yourself to avoid their reactions, you’re not alone—and you’re not overreacting.

We’ll explore:

• How emotional abuse trains you to question your reality
• The difference between lying and gaslighting—and why the distinction matters
• Subtle red flags that keep you stuck in self-blame
• The questions that help you reconnect with your truth

This episode is here to help you name the thing you haven’t been able to name, and to remind you: confusion is a tactic. 

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Dr. Kerry McAvoy joins me to discuss the most confusing and painful parts of surviving a relationship with someone who has Cluster B traits, including narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, and histrionic personality disorders.

We explore:

• The neurological and psychological reasons why people with Cluster B disorders don’t change
• Why survivors feel crazy, confused, and exhausted—and why that’s by design
• How splitting, emotional dysregulation, and weaponized remorse show up in real relationships
• The difference between low capacity and emotional immaturity vs. willful abuse
• How to tell if the “person you miss” was ever real—or just the hook
• Why grief work is essential when letting go of the fantasy version of who you thought they were

Dr. Kerry offers insight from both her clinical background and lived experience. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why won’t they change?” or “Was any of it real?”—this episode will help you understand why the answer is more devastating and liberating than you thought.

Learn more about Dr. Kerry McAvoy’s work and grab her book Love You More at kerrymcavoyphd.com.
To join her Toxic-Free Relationship Club

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

I’m sharing one of the most requested and emotionally charged topics: the trauma bond. This episode is part of my private podcast series Unhooked: Mapping the Cycle of Abuse, and I felt it was important to bring it here too—for anyone who’s stuck in the pain, confusion, or shame of staying in a relationship they know is harming them.

We explore why trauma bonds form, how they keep you hooked, and what it takes to begin breaking free. This isn’t just about naming abuse—it’s about understanding how your nervous system got wired for survival in an environment where love and harm coexist.

Inside this episode:

• What a trauma bond actually is (and how it’s different from love)
• Why your body clings to the person who hurts you
• Signs you might be trauma bonded
• Why it feels impossible to leave—even when you know the truth
• What happens during withdrawal after leaving
• How to start untangling yourself, one step at a time
• The myth of mutual abuse and why blaming yourself keeps you stuck

This conversation comes directly from Unhooked, my in-depth series designed to help you map your personal cycle of abuse, reconnect to your clarity, and take back your power. If what you hear in this episode resonates, I invite you to join me inside the full series.

🧠 Learn more about Unhooked at emotionalabusecoach.com

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

Trauma Bonding—a term that’s often misunderstood and sometimes avoided because naming it means facing the abuse beneath it. In this episode, I break down what a trauma bond is (and isn’t), why it’s more than “shared trauma,” and how it functions as an emotional and physical addiction. Then, we talk about something that might feel uncomfortable: the places where you do have control once you’ve recognized you’re trauma bonded.

I cover:

• The truth about intermittent reinforcement and why it keeps you hooked
• Why naming a trauma bond matters for healing
• How to treat it like an addiction without shaming yourself
• Small, doable ways to create space and reclaim your power
• How to stop looping on them and start focusing on you

Resources & Links:

• Join the Patreon: Exclusive bonus content, Q&A, unreleased material —  https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy
• Trauma Bonding Playlist: Every episode I’ve recorded on this topic —
  https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6iOynoEO7SelaOTe2yzne0?si=CvyvQYn9QWutSgYAJmG-8w&pi=o4AQRKjrQ_mh5 
• Coaching & Support: emotionalabusecoach.com

Support the show

Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy

*New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship

Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com
Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach
Email: [email protected]

{Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse

{E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist
{Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal
{Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner