In this episode of No Visible Bruises, I’m exploring something that’s gone viral recently, Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory and whether it actually supports or harms survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, and coercive control.On the surface, the “Let Them” approach sounds freeing. Let them ignore you. Let them walk away. Let them show you who they are. But when you’re a survivor, especially someone recovering from relational trauma, “letting them” isn’t always simple. It can activate shame, abandonment wounds, or even put you back in harm’s way.So today, I’m unpacking this idea through a trauma informed lens, asking:

• Can “Let Them” truly empower survivors?

• Or does it risk invalidating your trauma responses?

• What happens when “Letting Them” feels like fawning or freezing, not freedom?

I also weave in Internal Family Systems (IFS), one of the key therapeutic approaches I use to show how different parts inside of us might respond to “Let Them” in wildly different ways. One part might crave detachment. Another might panic at the thought of being dismissed.I’m reflecting on:

• Why some self-help theories, while well-meaning, need adaptation for trauma survivors

• How IFS helps us make sense of conflicting inner responses • What “Let Them” looks like from a somatic and parts-based perspective

• And how we can take what works from the theory while still honouring our healing processIf you’re trying to unhook from a narcissist or toxic family system, this episode is for you. It’s raw, reflective, and designed to help you feel seen, not shamed.Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

Before we dive in, I’m thrilled to invite you to a free live masterclass I’m hosting, “Pain to Purpose: Building a Trauma Informed Business for Survivors of Narcissistic & Domestic Abuse.” on Sunday, the 29th of June. I’ll pop the link below and if you can join me live, fantastic. But even if you can’t, still register and I’ll send you the recording. If you’re reading this after the date of the 29th, still click on the link and I’ll send the recording over. Alone I can do so little, but collectively we can really facilitate a change in the world around narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control. And if you feel like your experiences must lead to somewhere, this master class could be for you. And of course, if not, ignore all of this.

https://carolinestrawson.com/purpose-masterclass?ref=podcast

In today’s episode, I’m talking about the physiology of gaslighting because most conversations about gaslighting focus on psychology, thoughts, beliefs, and mental manipulation. Today we flip that lens and explore the physiology: the tangible, bodily sensations that whisper, “Something isn’t right,” long before your conscious mind can name it.I’ll explain what gaslighting is, why? I never even knew what it was when I was in my relationship with my ex-husband and how it is a tool that abuses use to manipulate and control you. So if you’ve ever thought you were crazy in conversations with your partners, Ex partners or parents And never understood why, this episode is a must listen to. This form of psychological abuse is hidden and unseen and because there are no visible bruises, many of us don’t even realise it’s a form of abuse.Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

In this episode, we shine a light on one of the most misunderstood forms of narcissistic abuse……..the covert narcissist.Unlike the loud, arrogant narcissist that many imagine, the covert narcissist operates in far more subtle and insidious ways. They may seem shy, quiet, or even vulnerable to the outside world but behind closed doors, the manipulation runs deep.In this episode, I explore:• What makes covert narcissistic abuse so hard to identify• Why survivors often doubt themselves and struggle to explain what’s happening• How covert narcissists use guilt, shame, victimhood, and passive aggression to control• The impact this has on your nervous system, your confidence, and your sense of self• The signs to look for if you think you’re dealing with oneWhether you're beginning to question your relationship or you've already escaped and are rebuilding, this episode will give you the clarity and validation you need.Understanding covert narcissism is a crucial step in healing because once you can name it, you can begin to untangle from it. Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

In this eye-opening episode, I’m joined by Gina Blundell, a powerful voice and survivor of narcissistic and financial abuse. Together, we unpack the many layers and nuances of financial abuse, a form of control that often goes unseen, but leaves devastating scars.Gina bravely shares her own personal story of how financial control was used as a weapon, not just through the obvious withholding of money, but through subtle, manipulative tactics that stripped away autonomy, freedom, and safety.In our conversation, we explore:• The covert ways financial abuse shows up in narcissistic relationships• How money is used to isolate, punish, and control• Why financial abuse is so often misunderstood and even by professionals• The long-term impact on a survivor’s ability to rebuild security and trust• How Gina began reclaiming her financial and emotional independenceWhether you’ve experienced financial abuse yourself, or you work with survivors, this episode will deepen your understanding of the intersection between narcissistic control and economic disempowerment.Gina’s story is raw, real, and a reminder that healing is possible even after profound betrayal. If you wantt to get in touch with Gina, join her Facebook group www.facebook.com/groups/empoweringwomenthroughdivorce/ Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

In this eye-opening episode, I’m joined by Gina Blundell, a powerful voice and survivor of narcissistic and financial abuse. Together, we unpack the many layers and nuances of financial abuse, a form of control that often goes unseen, but leaves devastating scars.Gina bravely shares her own personal story of how financial control was used as a weapon, not just through the obvious withholding of money, but through subtle, manipulative tactics that stripped away autonomy, freedom, and safety.In our conversation, we explore:• The covert ways financial abuse shows up in narcissistic relationships• How money is used to isolate, punish, and control• Why financial abuse is so often misunderstood and even by professionals• The long-term impact on a survivor’s ability to rebuild security and trust• How Gina began reclaiming her financial and emotional independenceWhether you’ve experienced financial abuse yourself, or you work with survivors, this episode will deepen your understanding of the intersection between narcissistic control and economic disempowerment.Gina’s story is raw, real, and a reminder that healing is possible even after profound betrayal. If you wantt to get in touch with Gina, join her Facebook group

www.facebook.com/groups/empoweringwomenthroughdivorce/

Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

In this powerful and personal episode, I share my own survivor story as a woman who lived through the devastation of covert narcissistic abuse.I open up about the day my life completely changed when my covert narcissistic ex walked out, leaving me with two children, over £70,000 of debt, and a nervous system in collapse. I spiralled into depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and eventually complex PTSD. I lost my home, my confidence, and for a long time, my sense of self.This episode is for anyone who’s ever questioned their reality. Anyone who has been told it wasn’t abuse because there were no visible bruises snd anyone who has felt silenced, unseen, and deeply alone.You’ll hear about:• The subtle manipulations of a covert narcissist and how they break you down over time• The impact of emotional abuse on your identity, nervous system, and financial wellbeing• How post-separation abuse can be even more destructive than the relationship itself• The turning point in my healing and how I slowly rebuilt from the ground upThis isn’t just a story of survival, it’s a story of reclaiming power.Whether you’re still in the thick of it or working through the long tail of trauma, I hope this episode gives you the courage to believe that healing is not only possible, it’s inevitable with the right support. Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

Narcissistic Abuse, Food Noise & Metabolic Disorder In this episode, I’m joined by Nikki Antonaccio, who shares how surviving narcissistic abuse as a child shaped everything from her relationship with food to her metabolism and how that trauma rewired her behaviour in ways that didn’t make sense until much later.We talk about how trauma from narcissistic abuse doesn’t just live in the mind, it lodges itself in the body, in the nervous system, in metabolism. For Nikki, it showed up as people-pleasing, chronic stress, disordered eating and shutdown and it’s not a lack of willpower. It’s survival.As Nikki shares her personal story, and how this led her to become the UK’s leaving Trauma Informed Nutritionist and I reflect on how she helped me see my own eating patterns in a different light. I wasn’t just making poor choices, my metabolism was shaped by what I’d lived through.We talk about everything, trauma, food, shame, nervous system, survival, the future of metabolic healing and why healing and losing weight after narcissistic abuse is so much deeper than calories in vs. calories out.Explore Nikki’s work here:

https://nikkiantonaccioonlinecoachingltd.dropfunnelsme.com/bvy-new24/bvy-new24

Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises

Disclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available

In this powerful episode, I’m joined by Russell Tellup, a brave and deeply reflective man who opens up about the childhood abuse that shaped every corner of his life. From a young age, Russell was made to feel like the problem. Unseen. Unheard. Unloved. His sense of worth was crushed before it had a chance to form, leaving him to carry the unbearable belief that he didn’t matter.As we talk, Russell shares how those early wounds followed him into adulthood, leading him into relationships with narcissistic partners who mirrored the same emotional neglect and manipulation he experienced as a child. What unfolds in this conversation is raw and real. There are moments of deep sadness. There’s anger. And there’s a profound sense of clarity as he begins to piece together the lifelong pattern of trauma that kept him stuck as he now helps other men in this position.This is not just a story of pain, it’s a story of awakening. Russell’s courage to speak his truth is what transforms it. And in his vulnerability, you’ll find extraordinary strength.So often, we don’t hear the stories of men who’ve endured narcissistic abuse. But it happens. And it matters. Russell’s voice cuts through the silence and reminds us that abuse doesn’t discriminate, it just hides where shame lives.If you’ve ever felt like the black sheep, like you were never enough, or like you kept attracting the same kind of pain, you are not alone. This conversation will stay with you. Russell’s story is a reminder that even in the darkest places, there is the possibility of healing, and there is always power in finally being heard.If you need to get in touch with Russell, he has a private Facebook community for men: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1AYsbsh7uw/Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruisesDisclaimer:The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available

This is not the kind of story that wraps up neatly with a bow. Rebecca Fraser’s story is raw, messy, and unfinished because healing after deep betrayal, family fracture, and years of abusive relationships with narcissists is never clean or simple. It’s the kind of survival story that digs into the parts most people don’t want to talk about, the shame, the loneliness, the repeated heartbreak, and the unbearable weight of carrying trauma in your body for years.In this episode, Rebecca shares her lived experience of growing up in a home torn apart by infidelity and addiction, being cast as the “problem child,” shuffled into foster care as a teenager, and entering a series of romantic relationships that only deepened her wounds. Alongside this emotional pain, she has been fighting a long battle with Lyme disease, a battle she believes was intensified by the unrelenting stress and trauma she endured.We explore the nervous system scars left by betrayal trauma, the painful roles children are assigned within dysfunctional families, and the long-term impact of being repeatedly gaslit, invalidated, and silenced not just by partners, but by family and community. Rebecca speaks openly about the heartbreak of losing friendships, the feeling of being “too much” for others, and the internal struggle of not trusting herself to choose safe people anymore. Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:

The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.

This isn’t a soft, polished survivor story, this is the raw, unfiltered truth of Dani Brooks, who has survived decades of narcissistic abuse, coercive control, sexual trauma, and being abandoned by the very systems meant to help.

In this episode, Dani pulls back the curtain on what it really takes to survive when trauma runs so deep it touches every part of your identity and what happens when, even after hitting rock bottom, you are forced to find your own way to heal while carrying the weight of leading others to safety.

If you’ve ever been gaslit, crushed by shame, or left screaming into a void for help that never came this one is for you.We’re here to lift the shame, break the silence, and expose the fierce, messy, painful truth of reclaiming yourself after narcissistic abuse.

Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.

Disclaimer:

The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.