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Complementarians use a lot of really nice-sounding words to describe their beliefs about gender roles, but when you actually break down what they mean, they're not talking about roles at all—they're talking about hierarchy. In this episode, Keith and I decode all the euphemisms like "different roles," "servant leadership," and "his headship is for your protection" to show what complementarians are really saying: that men should be in authority over women. The problem is, when you actually implement these beliefs in marriage, we see relationships struggle—and the statistics bear that out. And we work directly against the gospel, putting the husband in the place of Jesus. 

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSOR

Order Dorothy Greco's book For the Love of Women which just launched this week!

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• "The Marriage You Want" book on Amazon, or get the curriculum and video series from Baker Books
• "The Bible vs. Biblical Womanhood" by Philip Payne
• "How God Sees Women" by Terran Williams
• Rebecca Groothuis essay on "Equal in Being, Unequal in Function"
• Previous podcast episode on John Piper's "harsh husband" advice 

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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We're diving into part two of our discussion on Francine Rivers' "And the Shofar Blew.” While Christian fiction can be inspirational, this novel reinforces dangerous theology about marriage, telling abuse victims to stay and suffer "better," portraying women who report pastoral abuse as liars, and presenting an incredibly sexist view of women's roles in the church as normal and godly. Join me and my friends Merry, Sarah, and Joanna as we unpack why books like these—even though they're just fiction—profoundly shape how Christian women understand marriage, faith, and their own worth.

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSOR

Order Dorothy Greco's book For the Love of Women which just launched this week!

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• Find Sarah McDugal on Facebook
• Sarah's help for women healing from betrayal trauma: www.wildernesstowild.com
• For women navigating high-conflict divorce or custody: My Freedom Navigator
• Find Dr. Merry Lin's book "Rebecoming" and listen in to her Bare Marriage podcast episode!

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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We're doing something we've never done before—looking at a Christian fiction book to explore how fiction shapes our theology of marriage. Today we're discussing Francine Rivers' "And the Shofar Blew.” We're talking about how fiction doesn't give explicit advice but still profoundly influences our worldview about faith and marriage, and how even books with problematic messages can become part of our theological foundation without us realizing it. 

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSOR

Order Dorothy Greco's book For the Love of Women which just launched this week!

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• Find Sarah McDugal on Facebook
• Sarah's help for women healing from betrayal trauma: www.wildernesstowild.com
• For women navigating high-conflict divorce or custody: My Freedom Navigator
• Find Dr. Merry Lin's book "Rebecoming" and listen in to her Bare Marriage podcast episode!

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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Ever been told you're complaining too much about how women are treated because "things are so much better now"? Yeah, me too. In this episode, I sit down with journalist and author Dorothy Greco to talk about her new book For the Love of Women, and we dig into why sexism is absolutely still alive and well—and how it's affecting all of us in ways we might not even realize. This conversation is going to help you connect the dots, give you language to talk about it, and remind you that no, you're not crazy.

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSOR

Order Dorothy Greco's book For the Love of Women which just launched this week!

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Dorothy Greco's website
• Dorothy's Substack: "What's Faith Got to Do With It" 
• The song Not All Men by Morgan St. Jean

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

 We're diving into the euphemisms used in Christian marriage books and by evangelical pastors, and when you translate them into actual language, it gets real creepy real fast. From Kevin Leman's "Mr. Happy" to Josh Butler's semen theology, these authors hide harmful messages behind flowery or vague language. When authors tell women to "give him a gift" while she's bleeding heavily or recovering from childbirth, they're actually telling her to perform sex acts while in pain—and that's just wrong. Most disturbing? The euphemisms that hide sexual assault and make it sound normal.

THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSOR

Pre-order Dorothy Greco's book For the Love of Women which launches next week!

Our Courses

• Check out The Whole Story!, our puberty course for parents/kids
• Check out our Orgasm Course!

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

OUR BOOKS WE MENTIONED:

• The Marriage You Want (and the new video series that goes with it!)
• She Deserves Better

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Fred Stoeker's Focus on the Family interview
• Josh Howerton and the Shady Little Girls in Miniskirts
• Our article on Josh Butler's book A Beautiful Union

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

We're celebrating episode 300 with a "Best of Becca" compilation! Rebecca and I react to her most memorable moments from the past six years of podcasting—from rabid raccoons to pooping in the shower to Gerald not being able to slay dragons. We also reflect on how the evangelical landscape has shifted since we started, why we're no longer in "please speak up" mode but in "shake the dust off your feet" territory, and how our focus has evolved from "fix the church" to "help people take radical accountability for their own health and wellbeing.”

ALL NEW Marriage You Want Video Series:

The complete Marriage You Want curriculum, with the paperback, study guide, and now small group video series! 

UPCOMING EVENTS:

October 25th: Join Keith and Sheila marriage conference in Oshawa, Ontario 

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

TOP 5 PODCASTS OF AL TIME:

• The Problems with Power of a Praying Wife featuring Sarah McDugal & Gretchen Baskerville
• The Problems with Every Young Man's Battle featuring Andrew Bauman & Zachary Wagner
• Groomed for an Abusive Marriage: Alyssa Wakefield's Story
• How the Authors We Critiqued Responded to The Great Sex Rescue
• The Uncomfortable Truth about Waiting for Marriage for Sex

SHEILA'S FAVOURITE PODCASTS:

• The All About Obligation Sex Podcast
• The Myth of the Magic Penis

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

Does God really tell women they need to submit to abuse and stay in marriages where they're being raped and harmed? Today's interview with Dr. Helen Painter is one you need to hear—whether you're stuck in an abusive marriage getting horrible advice from your pastor, or you know someone who is. We're diving deep into what the Bible actually says about abuse and divorce, and spoiler alert: God does NOT require women to stay in abusive marriages. Please share this episode with anyone who needs to hear this life-saving truth.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of marital rape, sexual abuse, and domestic violence

HELEN PAYNTER'S BOOK:

"The Bible Doesn't Tell Me So", from Helen's organization or from Amazon 

UPCOMING EVENTS:

October 25th: Join Keith and Sheila marriage conference in Oshawa, Ontario (near Toronto!)

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Give to the Good Fruit Faith Initiative of the Bosko Foundation
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Naghmeh Panahi's Facebook Post
• The original recording of the Calvary Chapel pastor (at around 59:35)
• The Center for the Study of Bible and Violence: 
• Mentioned Scholar: David Instone-Brewer (rabbinical thought on divorce)

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

 Two major studies today prove what we've been saying: purity culture makes people unable to recognize marital and date rape as actual rape, and male porn use hurts women regardless of their attitude toward it—though religious women suffer more because of the scripts we've been given. Then I interview Joash Thomas about his book The Justice of Jesus, where he explains how Western Christianity lost biblical justice because colonizers taught a purely "spiritual" gospel to benefit themselves. We've got to understand that following Jesus costs us something! 

EVENTS

• October 4th: Book launch for "The Justice of Jesus”
• October 25th: Keith and Sheila marriage conference in Oshawa

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• The Justice of Jesus book 
• The study of purity culture and rape myth acceptance
• The study on how religious women see porn 
• Sheila's list on recommended books on porn recovery
• For Our Daughters Film

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

It's The Great Sex Rescue--but for parenting!

The Christian parenting industry has been feeding us garbage for decades, and Keith and I sat down with Marissa Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of "The Myth of Good Christian Parenting," to talk about how we got here.

THE MYTH OF GOOD CHRISTIAN PARENTING

Pre-Order the book now--and claim your amazing pre-order bonuses!

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Instagram: @mburtwrites | @kelseykmcginnis
• Threads: @mburtwrites | @kelseykmcginnis
• Facebook: @mburtwrites |  @kelsey.kramermcginnis
• Bluesky: @mburtwrites |  @kkramermcginnis
• TikTok: @mburtwrites |  @kelseykmcg
• Substack: @mburtwrites | @kelseykramermcginnis
• YouTube: @mburtwrites
• Website: Marissa 
• My article on spanking and sexual arousal
• My article on the research on spanking effects
• The article about those who hid Jews during the Holocaust
  
  

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Send us a text

We all want to raise kids without sexual hang-ups, but a lot of Christian parents are accidentally creating the very problems they're trying to avoid. Rebecca and I dive into the three biggest ways this happens: being way too open about your own sex life with your kids (no, they don't need to know what you and your husband did last night), making a federal case out of normal teenage sexual development like masturbation, and approaching pornography with so much shame and "sin talk" that you actually make the problem worse. But here’s the good news: our course, The Whole Story, will give you the tools and language to appropriately talk about all of these things!

Then Keith joins me to tackle that age-old marriage question about whether wives just need to have more sex to make husbands nicer - spoiler alert: you're asking the wrong question entirely, and obligation sex isn't going to save your marriage.

THE WHOLE STORY COURSE!

Check out our sex and puberty course--it's on sale until Monday September 22 at midnight! 

TO SUPPORT US: 

• Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
• And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
• Join our email list!

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Our books She Deserves Better, The Great Sex Rescue, and The Marriage You Want

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!

Check out her books:

• The Great Sex Rescue
• She Deserves Better
• The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
• The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
• and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!

Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.