How many of us know how difficult it is to articulate what you need, especially when you’re experiencing a lot of emotions about a situation or find yourself in a difficulty? 

This week, we’ll listen to an Instagram reel from Ilana (@ilanadegann). She’s demonstrating how to help someone who’s in need. 

In our efforts to show compassion, we sometimes unwittingly increase a person’s burden by an open-ended, “What do you need?” But in this reel, it's suggested that we offer 3 options to someone who’s “not doing great” due to some sort of difficulty by asking which of the three they want:  

And in offering these, we need to be prepared with the time and energy to actually do them. Are you prepared to be an active listener and ask good questions? Do you have some distractions in mind like going for a walk or going to a movie? Is it going to hurt your feelings if they want to be left alone? 

Ideas for beneficial distractions: 

Cosmo suggested two additional options if the above three don’t seem to fit : 

Warning: This episode is full of teasers for future episodes! Let us know what you want us to talk about next… Problem Solving Skills, Praying Without Preaching, or something else entirely! 

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blessings, cosmo + suzi

We think great relationships don’t just happen. They’re actually the result of practicing vulnerability and honesty in the sunshine so you can weather the storm. 

This week, we’ll listen to an Instagram reel as Dan Harris interviews Julie and John Gottman (@gottmaninstitute ) on the @tenpercenthappier podcast.

They’re talking about how the first three minutes of an argument can be a predictor of the future of the relationship. They also go on to explain what those first three minutes should look like to benefit the relationship instead of damage it. 

We love what they have to say and have some further suggestions that we think make their suggestions work even better. 

Listen in as we unpack these concepts:  

Our next plan is to read their new book, Fight Right. If you want to join us, let us know! Maybe we should start a book club?

We referenced our recent podcast on Conflict – check it out!

What would you like to hear us talk about next?

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blessings, cosmo + suzi

There is a lot of confusion around what it means to set a boundary.

Can you cross my boundary? Nope.

Is my boundary for you? Nope.

Can you and I have an agreement (with consequences if broken)? Yep.

Are boundaries and expectations the same thing? Nope.

We're investigating another Instagram Reel again this week from Nick Pollard (@thepeopledispleaser) titled "Setting Boundaries with Other People is Impossible."  

Listen in as we unpack these concepts:  

We have mentored a number of couples and friends in relationship to boundaries. There are a lot of misconceptions about it, so in order to create and maintain healthy relationships, we need to dig in and get clear on this concept. 

We've made a great start on today's episode!

What would you like to hear us talk about next?

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

We're investigating another Instagram Reel again this week! 

In today’s episode, we started with listening to an Instagram Reel from Jefferson Fisher (@jefferson_fisher) about the ripple effect of kind words and ran with it! You’ll get to listen in as Suzi and Cosmo hash through a situation we went through just last night and how we both had to choose to respond in the Spirit instead of reacting in the flesh. (It starts off with Cosmo sounding like he’s outing Suzi for her bad behavior…but turns into a really great learning opportunity! 🥹) Good times! 

You’ll also hear us talk about: 

We loved it this episode because it really was a great culmination of what we teach about IFLoWs™(I Feel Loved When Statements), storytelling, finding your why and belief, communication styles, and more.

What would you like to hear us talk about next?

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

We're investigating an Instagram Reel again this week! 

In today’s episode, we’re listening to an Instagram Reel from a guy named William Scott - @williamscxtt. He titled this reel "The Definition of Discipline."

As we shared last week, we love to ponder quotes, stories, scenes, and the like to process information and talk about life and the world around us. We do this as a back-door way to uncover and talk about our core values and beliefs through evaluating someone else’s thoughts, behaviors, or stories instead of our own. This allows us to get really honest … without exposing ourselves! 

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming or too vulnerable to identify our personal core values. We think we have to get the language just right and have a full understanding of them in order to really think about them and how we apply them in our lives. 

BUT when someone else’s story strikes us in a certain way, it can hint at our own core belief. 

And we take the time to analyze those stories, It’s the difference between: 

“This resonates with me!! Let’s unpack it together and figure out why it resonates with me and how we can apply it together” 

Versus “This resonates with me! Gee, I wish you’d be more like this person who just gets me.”

This process helps me know myself better, beyond just “this feels right to me”  – it helps us figure out why so we can communicate that with our others and uncover those things that make us feel loved, appreciated, understood, etc.

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

This week we’re taking a departure from our normal format to change it up for you guys and see what you think! 

We love to ponder quotes, stories, scenes, and the like to process information and talk about life and the world around us. We do this as a back-door way to uncover and talk about our core values and beliefs through evaluating someone else’s thoughts, behaviors, or stories instead of our own. This allows us to get really honest … without exposing ourselves! 

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming or too vulnerable to identify our personal core values. We think we have to get the language just right and have a full understanding of them in order to really think about them and how we apply them in our lives. 

BUT when someone else’s story strikes us in a certain way, it can hint at our own core belief. 

And we take the time to analyze those stories, It’s the difference between: 

“This resonates with me!! Let’s unpack it together and figure out why it resonates with me and how we can apply it together” 

Versus “This resonates with me! Gee, I wish you’d be more like this person who just gets me.”

This process helps me know myself better, beyond just “this feels right to me”  – it helps us figure out why so we can communicate that with our others and uncover those things that make us feel loved, appreciated, understood, etc.

In today’s episode, we’re listening to an Instagram Reel from a guy named Nick Pollard - @ThePeopleDispleaser. He titled this reel “How I have beaten all my triggers.” 

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

The average internet user spends about 2.5 hours daily on social media platforms like YouTube and Instagram. One of the reasons for this amount of time is that social media platforms are intentionally designed to be addictive by triggering dopamine releases and other "highs." This might not be such a big deal except that excessive social media use correlates with mental health issues. 

So the obvious problem is that social media content is created to hook us, and as we often consume it mindlessly, we allow this input to flow unchecked into our minds and hearts. This distracts from reality and relationships and can definitely become an unhealthy dependency.

The world’s solution is to embrace social media as a pleasant distraction and quick fix for lousy feelings. It’s viewed as fairly harmless entertainment; however, true life fulfillment requires substance and internal work, not instant gratification. Our distraction hinders wholehearted presence with others.

We suggest several Soul-Anchored Solution to help listeners get started: 

As always, we close with Something to Try: fast from social media for one hour during which time you would normally scroll. Intentionally use that time for other activities while noting how it feels. As always, seek God for help and encouragement and seek accountability from others

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

“You cannot have healthy relationships without self clarity. I think [personality assessments are] great and helpful tools, but the gospel of Christ is what has transformed my life” - paraphrased quote from Jesse Eubanks

We love personality assessments here at Soul Anchoring because we think they can be hugely beneficial for developing and maintaining healthy Christian relationships! BUT we don’t see them as perfect or flawless. In fact the problem that we see with them is that they can

In short, assessments cannot fully capture the complexity of human personalities.

The world’s solution is to zealously defend one assessment, use assessments to excuse behaviors or manipulate others, reluctantly accept assessments as deterministic, or reject them entirely. Assessments are often trends and require self-awareness to be accurate.

Our Soul-Anchored Solution is to see them as useful tools – to use them, not let them use you. They are great for

Understanding yourself and others aids in loving, serving, and problem solving. Assessments provide perspective but the gospel of Jesus Christ is what transforms lives.

As always, we close with Something to Try and this time we recommend that you try the Love Languages assessment. It powerfully impacts relationships and helps you understand and speak the language of the others in your life. You can take the assessment for free at 5lovelanguages.com.

So, enjoy learning more about yourself and others through personality assessments, keeping in mind that it’s important to do so with the right intent - to humble oneself, bless others, and glorify God.

In this episode, we mentioned some additional Resources that might be of interest to you. (FYI: Purchasing products through our links below will provide a small commission to us.)

Find and connect with in more places and ways:

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

The Problem as we see it is that there are lot of myths out there surrounding the concept of forgiveness. In this episode of "I Feel Loved When..." we'll walk you through 5 big ones:

The World's Solution and our natural instincts tell us to sever ties, hold bitterness, be passive aggressive, or seek revenge instead of forgive. These perpetuate negative emotions and strain relationships. Unforgiveness also causes stress with mental and physical health consequences, and leads to isolation.

So what's the Soul Anchored Solution for Christian relationships? We think it is rooted in understanding what forgiveness actually is...

In healthy relationships, forgiveness connects to confession and repentance, which we will get into in later episodes.

We want to note here - if harm is severe and/or continues without remorse, one can forgive for their own wellbeing and still remove themselves from the harmful relationship. In this way, forgiveness coexists with accountability and purposeful/consistent assertive communication about harm done. If you need help getting out of an abusive relationship, please seek professional guidance and / or go to https://www.thehotline.org/.

As always, we close with Something to Try. This time, we encourage reflective steps to understand your emotions about a situation needing forgiveness, see the other's perspective, prayer for guidance on next steps, and release bitterness. We want to help you break free of unforgiveness cycles, to humble yourself in difficult times, and learn to forgive as Jesus has forgiven us.

In this episode, we mentioned some additional Resources that might be of interest to you. (FYI: Purchasing products through our links below will provide a small commission to us.)

Find and connect with in more places and ways:

Listen Now: 

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If you like what you hear from us, would you be so kind as to Follow Us / Subscribe, Give us a 5-Star Rating, Write a Glowing Review, and Pray for Us? You can also make suggestions of topics you'd like to hear us discuss. Thanks!!  💙

blessings, cosmo + suzi

Tips and Tools for Christian Relationships

If you are seeking wisdom and understanding about conflict and how to properly deal with conflict when it comes your way, then this is the episode for you. This episode is all about conflict!  It then shares a personal story about the different conflict resolution approaches the hosts were raised with, and  now.

The problem is that in conflict, we often just seek to get our own way rather than understand each other. We expect to agree, but disagreements inevitably happen. The question is how to maintain relationships amidst conflict and how to aim toward having a shared goal

Worldly solutions to conflict are to either avoid conflicts completely or aggressively relish in them to "win." Both can damage relationships. We share some personal stories illustrating how avoiding or pushing actually increases and prolongs conflicts.

This episode presents some of our "soul-anchored solutions", one of which is to change expectations about conflict and to see it as an opportunity. The goal becomes solving problems together through perspective sharing and understanding on both sides. It is so important to openly discuss what matters and why.

Website: https://www.soulanchoring.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@soulanchoring

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SoulAnchoring

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SoulAnchoring 

Email: [email protected]

At the end of the episode, we give some practical activities. Learn how friends, couples and co-workers can set aside weekly meeting times to discuss conflicts. This allows for thoughtful, calm sharing of botherances. Let us know how our practical conflict resolution tips work for you!