MORE!! they scream

In a world where I’ve tried so hard my whole life to be less, smaller, quieter, skinnier, demure

the exhilaration of dancing for a roomful of full bodied, full hearted, bad ass bitch women who celebrate my wildest expression is

Utterly

Intoxicating

Every single time I’m on the dance floor,I’m deconditioning myself

Claiming the courage to be a bigger more expressed Jen

I venture with hot pink paint further outside of society’s coloring book black lines, my heart flip flopping inside out, expanding in ecstasy and then shuddering in contraction

but it’s spaces like these full of permission and inspiration that light my soul the fuck up

Doing the Dance is one thing.

So Wild in Itself

The feeling of being so exposed while so expressed

I care. I strive. I practice, leaning into the discomfort that is stretching my body heart soul

Devoting myself to grow to be the best dancer and performer I can become, so many years after I thought I missed my dancing“prime”

GOING FULL OUT

expression without apology

ButThe sharing of my Dancing publicly

And on social media particularly

anyone and everyone to see…

It’s just a whole nother level

A mini heart attack. every. time

(le petit mort)

both terrifying and orgasmic

I’m not gonna lie, every time I click share I have two contradictory parts battling within

It’s sooo deep, this Madonna/Whore imprint

Will I be devoured by the tribe for being so unashamed

My ego pleads, you can’t be THAT girl

How can you be a mom and dress like that? How will a respectable man want to be with you when you’re dancing this way? What will your clients, your peers, your kids think?

Will I be hated, judged, ostracized, abused, raped, cast out, killed?

It feels dramatic to even speak these words

But we all know there are so many places in the world where it’s not safe to be a woman

Period

And certainly not safe to be a woman in her sexual articulation and sovereignty

But

I Intrinsically

Inescapably

Undeniably

Am both

Saint and Sex Priestess

and so many other shades of the rainbow that is woman

I can’t hide

Or pretend

these archetypes aren’t alive in my DNA

Destined and begging to be made manifest

through this body, in this lifetime

And really, what is the point

I ask myself daily,

What is the purpose of any of this

If it’s full of regrets, half hearted attempts

How boring

How meaningless

How wasteful of this precious life I get

If I don’t fully live it

Before I learned my sensuality could be dangerous

Before I was taught to have shame for my body and the way she loves to move

I was a little girl who loved to dance

naked in the sunshine

To play dress up with my friends

To flirt with life

To feel pleasure

To know what it is to be ecstatically alive and turned on in every

cell

I read this the other day, and boy did it hit:

“Being a leader

Doesn’t mean

You have

Followers

It means

You go First”

So I take the next step into the magic darkness

One sexy heel striding in front of the next

Who knows where this dance journey will lead me

Its already transported me to joy. To bliss. To connection. To sisterhood. To self love. To silly silly fun. To my essence. To my nectar. To my light. And I’d say that’s not a bad start :)

…See the full dance and spoken word film on our Mermaid Cove Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/lequeendom