I Have Seen Niagara

We return to Focazio's Lanes, a bowling alley in Niagara Falls famous for being the place where the hoagie was invented. We meet Deanna, the area's greatest bowler to ever have her fingers ripped off by a sinister bowling ball named Bocephus and then have her whole body turned into a spoon. As Knock Em Down Deanna always said, "What more you need to know, pal?"

Written by Zach Trebino

Sports in one culture may sometimes seem strange to those in a different culture. But to those in Niagara Falls, there is nothing weird at all about The Upstate Mechs, a cosplay Fight Club for children that takes place in the woods surrounding St Joseph's Cemetery. It provides much mirth and merriment, and also anachronistic violence and chaos once the ancient Orange Cloud opens up time portal mind swap. You know, sports!

Want more IHSN? Secret episodes and totems: https://www.patreon.com/ihaveseenniagara

Sports reporter Brad Van Boxmeer, who is filling in for Bob Von Hayes (deceased), interviews Niagara Falls boxing legend Tony "Pepperoni" Pepp, in pursuit of the truth behind GRAVEYARD BOXING. Is it just an urban legend, or was it real? Does anybody care? Is Van Boxmeer just wasting our time and should he just go straight to hell? He's a crap reporter, a loser. Just sayin.

Welcome to a new season of IHSN. Sports are so integral to everyday life in Niagara Falls, and in Western NY in general, that it can sometimes get a little creepy. In the next 6 episodes, we explore the weird world of sports in the Niagara region. There will be touchdowns, knockouts, wins, losses and a lot of murder and chaos.

There is one question that many in the area ask, but can't let themselves thoroughly explore, at risk of spiraling into an existential dilemma: What would happen if the Bills won the super bowl?

That question gets answered in our first episode, when a lonely truck driver stops off in Niagara Falls for a bite to eat at a tavern on Super Bowl Sunday, the night when the local Buffalo Bills win it all. As the Buffalo Sports Cosmic Curse is lifted, our truck driver is entangled in a strange and terrifying ritual.

Last month, the I Have Seen Niagara team lost a good friend, and important member of the show, with the passing of David Crandall.

David's unmistakable noir baritone was featured in several episodes, most notably as the recurring character, The Sergeant. He was also a skilled audio engineer, and someone we could also go to for ideas and advice.

We'll be taking the rest of the summer off to regroup, but in the meantime, here are a few of our favorite episodes feature David Crandall, enjoy:

The Ice Bridge was written and narrated by Ric Royer. Soundtrack by G Lucas Crane. Additional vocals by Crane and David Crandall. 

Have you ever wondered why anytime anyone needs to escape the many civic predators here in Niagara Falls, the first place they run is the forest? Well, running into the woods is part of a grand tradition in times of need here, and rightly so. For the woods surrounding the falls are full of helpful animals who can talk, and who love to provide advice, tidbits, and hints to whatever ails you. There is candy hidden in their feathers and an otter can always be counted upon to sharpen a pencil. If you even need a band-aid, they got you covered. But beware, animal advice is not always made for humans, and the music the animals play may not be fit for human ears. This time, Beyond the Western Door, we will try to hear their call.

Voices:

Miriam Atkins

Season finale! A great wooden spacecraft is being built. The ship is intended to fly the last few remaining daredevils away from Niagara Falls, and to a new planet of refuge (or at least as far as Detroit). But the ship has one last stunt to pull before leaving town, it will either be the greatest daredevil stunt of all time, a complete disaster... or both.

The daredevil body count is on the rise in the City of Niagara. The Sergeant of the Police Squad is playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse with the killer. Only, he is both the cat AND the mouse. How far will his mind let him go with delusions of heroism, when deep down he knows he's just a puppet for the twisted plans of the Mayor with the Unpronounceable Name? As he nears his breaking point, he turns to drinking and watching too much television. BUT WILL IT HELP??

Anthony comes from a long line of daredevils, but he has always fought the thrill-seeking impulse in his blood. But his blood is getting louder, and more dramatic. Anthony finds himself in a battle against his own hemoglobin, beckoning him to dare against the devil. With the draconian Niagara Falls daredevil ban in place, Anthony must choose a life struggling against his calling, or a life hiding in the forest.

Story, narration and soundtrack by G Lucas Crane. Additional vocals by Angela Moore.

Legendary Niagara Falls daredevil The Nabisco Kid takes one last plunge down the mighty waterfall, this time without a barrel, head first, right into a boulder. His son must identify the body at the coroner's office, but without a map, and far from home, the Nabisco Kid's kid could be in for trouble, especially if he doesn't start dreaming!